Modesty concept
Modesty is a personality trait of a person, expressed in a reluctance to specifically attract attention, demonstrate any virtues or knowledge that distinguishes him from others.
This is an indicator of good manners, self-control and the individual’s work to improve himself. Modesty is alien to the manifestation of vanity. It has been valued from time immemorial among all peoples. L.N. Tolstoy and J. Labruniere spoke laudably about it. Russian, Kazakh, Georgian, and Japanese folk proverbs are dedicated to this trait.
Modest is one who is not boastful, unceremonious, or tactless towards other people. It does not unnecessarily demonstrate its advantages and features. Modesty contains strength and is a positive trait, a virtue, an advantage.
Modesty
Zhanna Tomashevskaya - Kurkova (Questions are asked by the editor of the magazine “In the City” Ekaterina Baklanova)
“Life that is aware of its beauty tends to hide itself in tales of modesty. A lie shouts loudly: “I am light!” and instantly burns out, and modesty, like a diamond, is silent, but has its own light, shining with constant brightness. Inayat Khan Hidayat
What features make up the image of a person we respect, who can serve as an example for us? Most of you will probably agree that such a person must be brave, truthful, honest, loyal, kind, persistent and, of course, modest. “The smarter a person is, the more modest he is,” says an ancient aphorism. A Japanese proverb says: “Modesty is the adornment of wisdom.” “Modesty is just as necessary for virtues as the figures in a picture need a background: it gives them strength and relief,” wrote J. La Bruyère, and L. N. Tolstoy considered modesty and simplicity to be the main conditions for a person’s moral beauty.
What is modesty? Psychologist, specialist in systemic therapy and family constellations, Zhanna Tomashevskaya-Kurkova, answers the editor’s questions.
What is modesty: a quality transmitted at the genetic level, a product of upbringing, the result of a person’s internal work on himself? Is it under human control?
Modesty is inner dignity and self-respect. This is the result of knowing yourself and the universe, diligence and hard work, will and strong character. This is a huge internal job. The deeper and more interesting a person is, the more noble and modest he is. A self-sufficient person does not need to highlight his qualities or achievements; he does not need external approval. He lives focusing on his inner world. Accepts mistakes and victories equally. When he makes a mistake, he does not attract attention to himself and does not present himself as a victim. He learns and solves his life problems. When he wins, he doesn’t brag about it, but accepts what he receives with gratitude and moves on with life. Living in harmony with himself, he knows the value of his own life and that of the people around him.
What is the difference between modesty, shyness and self-consciousness? Is a modest person weak and indecisive? Can a humble person be proud?
Shyness and shyness most often stem from lack of self-confidence. A person is afraid to express his point of view and always adapts to the majority or simply remains silent, not knowing and not being able to express himself. Humility is confident and bold. A confident person lives with faith. What is a person’s faith - such is his internal state and behavior among people. The human mind and intellect rely on faith. A humble person lives his life with dignity. He has spirit and will, he is free from external evaluation. Modesty is proud. But pride without modesty turns into arrogance and pride.
Does modesty always adorn a person?
Recently, while relaxing by the sea, I observed funny situations. On the city beach, the children and adults of one German family stripped naked, attracting attention and catching the puzzled glances of vacationers. They undressed and looked defiantly at those around them; the attention and reaction of people was very important to them. That same day, I accidentally met a Russian woman on the beach and later met her in a restaurant. This lady had already dined with her family, but nevertheless she made every effort to join our table. During dinner, in the first minute of the conversation, I learned that the woman was related to psychology. All evening we listened only to this lady, who during the conversation did not listen to anyone and did not allow anyone to say a word, trying to self-actualize at the expense of the attention and energy of other people. Meanwhile, her seven-year-old daughter was actively competing with her mother. She climbed onto a post near the table and very loudly pretended to be a monkey: she made faces, screamed, and made various sounds, thereby involuntarily forcing everyone to pay attention to herself. Three completely different situations - aspiring nudists, a female psychologist and her daughter. But everyone was screaming for help. Everyone needed the most basic human need - recognition. When a child is small, the recognition of his parents - mom and dad - is very important to him. And the behavior of a little girl who literally demanded her mother’s unreceived attention and love is quite normal. And it looks a little comical and sad when an adult in any way draws the energy of other people onto himself in order to at least somehow make sure that HE EXISTS. As a person matures, recognition takes on a deeper meaning. RECOGNITION – it is important for a person to be in the presence of knowledge. It is important to know yourself, your needs and desires, your capabilities. Know the laws of the universe and the laws of human development. It is very important to be in the highest knowledge. By comprehending knowledge, a person learns and recognizes himself – a person. He becomes self-sufficient and independent from others. If a person stops in his development by receiving a diploma about his professional suitability, then throughout his life he will need, like a small child, constant recognition from other people. The very word CHELO-VEK (student of the century) contains a huge meaning of human life.
People who really believe that being naked among people is natural, go to the circle of like-minded people - nudists. They undress and enjoy their condition; they have no need to challenge “others”, people who are not like them. In the same way, a professional in his activity is interested in communicating about the topics of his profession in his circle - among the same professionals. They have absolutely no need to stick out their worldview among people who are far from it. As a rule, regardless of worldview and social trends, people who really believe in what they talk about do not shout about it at every corner, but simply live by it. They do it for themselves.
Sometimes, when communicating with people, only after some time do you completely accidentally learn about their achievements in their profession or interesting lifestyle. They are attracted not by words, but by deeds already done. This is their way of life. They respect and protect their inner world and very selectively let others into it. Mature people are modest, simple and natural. These qualities are very rare in our society and the most valuable decoration. I have witnessed many times when modesty prevailed in disputes, discussions and other difficult life situations. A modest person conquers and is very endearing.
Can modesty become a serious obstacle in life or, even worse, a cause of constant stress and, as a result, illness?
Modesty is an internal value that a person relies on in difficult life situations. This quality can only help during times of stress and illness. We attract trouble to ourselves due to our own incorrect thoughts or actions. Modesty, thanks to acquired wisdom, allows you to look at a stressful situation with real eyes, accept it and solve it with dignity.
How do you feel about Dzongsar Khyentse’s statement: “Even modesty can be a kind of pretense and hypocrisy”? What is false modesty? Vanity trick or pretense?
People can play, pretend and put on the mask of a modest person. It happens that a person who is not confident and timid, lazy and uninteresting to himself hides behind imaginary modesty. This is a convenient form of presenting yourself in society. But such people are usually irritated and unbalanced. Their inner discomfort comes out over time. Often their “modest” life motto is the phrase: “Lord, I don’t need anything, just make sure that others don’t have anything.”
True modesty can always be distinguished from pretense - it is accompanied by simplicity, naturalness and goodwill.
Can a modest person replace shyness with unusual forms of behavior - feigned impudence and swagger?
Modesty is an internal state of a person, it is accumulated wisdom. Arrogance and swagger are masks behind which an insecure person hides, for whom it is very important to impress others. We all know that little children misbehave due to lack of love and attention. The exact same reason for the behavior of an arrogant and cheeky person is to express himself in any way. This behavior is a cry for help. A modest person is not focused on his surroundings; he knows who he is, what he is doing and why. Even if those around him do not accept his worldview, he will not be upset. What matters to him is what he himself knows and lives.
Is it possible to consider excessive modesty as a vice that needs to be gotten rid of? And if so, how can this be done?
Modesty is a great value, part of the internal foundation on which a person relies in his life. It needs to be developed and increased in oneself. This quality is available to few.
Can a modest, seemingly indecisive, but very competent and intelligent specialist get a highly paid job, or is it easier for a self-confident slob to do this?
A self-confident slob may be able to get a job faster, but a modest specialist will be able to keep a job. Getting a modest, competent specialist is a great success. Such people talk less and do more. A self-confident slob talks a lot and creates the appearance of work. This is why employers have a probationary period, in order to consider a specialist and distinguish idle talk from action.
Whose modesty is more valued: men's or women's? What are the causes of excessive modesty?
Both male and female modesty are very beautiful. Unfortunately, today we see very few such people around. The bulk are throwing dust in the eyes. People immodestly assert themselves with their position, connections, and opportunities. But without faith and dignity within, they feel empty. Hence the arrogance, rudeness and ostentation. When a person personally achieves financial status or fame, he behaves much more modestly than someone who achieved something with the help of others. The personal independent path of material achievements runs parallel to life’s accumulation of wisdom and experience. If a person receives something at the expense of someone, his soul always knows about it. And then, in order to drown out this knowledge, a person puts these achievements on display, convincing, first of all, himself that he is significant. In parallel with this comes irritation, anger, and dissatisfaction. The deeper and more interesting a person is, the more modest he is. Male modesty is accompanied by dignity, female modesty is accompanied by simplicity and naturalness. There is no such thing as too much modesty.
Is it necessary to overcome modesty?
I think that it is still very early to talk about this topic in our society... We all need to work a lot on our self-development in order to develop at least a small share of real modesty.
August 2011
Shyness concept
Shyness is a peculiar behavior that is characterized by indecision, tension and awkwardness in society, when an individual is unsure of himself or is not sufficiently adapted to certain conditions of society. This is a feature of the individual’s psyche.
Shyness and self-consciousness are used interchangeably in certain contexts.
A shy person is constantly afraid of doing something wrong, doubts the correctness of his words and actions, and is dependent on the opinions of others. Researchers believe that this trait is hereditary, like eye color or mental ability.
Negative consequences of shyness can include:
- difficulties in making new acquaintances and friends;
- difficulties in unfamiliar social situations;
- inability to behave and think adequately due to excessive anxiety about one’s actions;
- a state of constant stress, which can lead to depression.
Psychotherapy
One effective method of combating shyness is cognitive behavioral therapy. With its help, you can change your thoughts and behavior patterns.
Psychotherapeutic work with the patient is carried out in 2 stages:
Don’t get a tattoo if you can’t take care of it: the artist gave advice
“The system needs to be brought to fruition”: online learning will come into practice
I met a man through a newspaper and went to visit: I’d rather stay at home
- Cognitive therapy. The psychologist recommends that a person analyze the anxious thoughts that appear before communicating with people or public speaking. Usually all the patient’s fears turn out to be excessive and far-fetched. A shy person is taught to change anxious expectations into more positive thoughts.
- Behavioral therapy. The psychologist invites the patient to rehearse the upcoming communication or speech. At the same time, it is very important to teach a person to fix his attention not on himself, but on others. After all, focusing on your feelings increases timidity and fear.
Quite often, shyness is associated with excessive demands on oneself. A person strives to be perfect during public speaking and communicating with others. This creates high anxiety. The psychologist’s task is to remove the patient’s unreasonable fear of failure.
The difference between modesty and shyness
The opinion that modesty and shyness are the same thing is incorrect. Psychologists explain the difference between shyness and timidity this way: modesty is a conscious choice, and shyness is a complex, a psychological constraint.
- A shy person is afraid to attract the attention of others, but a modest person does not want to attract it due to his decision.
- A modest individual treats his achievements or successes as something natural, without attaching special importance to them. He can be proud of them and talks about them to share his joy with his interlocutor. Humble people are confident. A shy individual considers his achievements unworthy and does not talk about them, so as not to be branded a braggart, considering the results of his colleagues to be more significant.
- It differs from shyness in its attitude towards one’s values, including material ones. A humble person is self-sufficient. A shy person considers himself unworthy and does not dare ask for a raise.
- A modest person will not say that someone is stopping him from achieving great success; he knows how to argue his opinion at the right time and under suitable circumstances. When applying for a job, he will confidently talk about his skills and abilities. And a person who lacks self-confidence, even if he is a good professional, will not be able to adequately present his merits and get a suitable position.
- The main difference between modesty and shyness is that the fear of rejection or criticism completely suppresses the manifestation of initiative or activity in shy people. They consider what they are given to be sufficient, without even hoping to get the best. These are people with low self-esteem.
How to overcome shyness
Overcoming shyness is about increasing self-esteem, since there is a relationship between insecurity and shyness. To increase your sense of self-esteem, you should not compare yourself with others, and you should not strive to get ahead of others in something. Each personality is individual and has only its own set of qualities, advantages and negative traits. Ideal people don't exist. There are only invented standards and ideals imposed by society. Therefore, the only “evaluator” for a person can be himself.
How to deal with shyness? First of all, you need to interact with society as much as possible and communicate with strangers. For example, you can approach a stranger and ask him how to get to the library.
Correcting shyness involves developing communication skills, increasing vocabulary, and developing the ability to correctly formulate thoughts. Releasing muscle tension also helps eliminate the problem described. To this end, it is recommended to remember which muscles are most tense during bouts of shyness and learn to relax them. This will help the individual control his own body.
Psychologists do not recommend avoiding situations that provoke timidity and fear of society. After all, such behavior can only aggravate the situation. Therefore, you need to boldly move towards your own limitations and fears.
How to get rid of shyness and uncertainty? First, you need to understand the individual cause of shyness and the patterns of its manifestation. It is recommended to analyze life situations in order to understand exactly under what circumstances timidity and shyness arise, and what causes the appearance of these sensations.
You should allow yourself to realize that such a huge and diverse social world simply does not care about the individual. In addition to this, most of the living individuals are preoccupied with themselves. Instead of subjecting yourself to a non-existent evaluation by society in your own imagination, you need to pay attention to your own personality and find in yourself the content that turns an individual into an insecure and timid creature. Understanding your own individuality is the first step on the path called “how to overcome shyness.”
Each person is a repository of a set of individual qualities and specific characteristics that contribute to his self-expression and self-actualization. Finding your own strengths, positive qualities, and virtues will be the next step, overcoming which will allow you to move one step closer to solving the problematic issue: how to overcome shyness? You need to know and be able to use your “strong” traits, even if they are not popular in a particular society. After all, if every human individual became the same, then the world would no longer be full of colorful colors and intriguing with unknown horizons. Life would become gray and boring, so you need to find an activity that you enjoy and focus on it. This will give confidence to the individual, increase self-esteem and self-esteem. Such actions also promote self-determination.
Visualization helps to overcome shyness and self-doubt, which consists of imagining yourself in a certain situation that causes timidity as a confident and happy person. This technique helps to form the self-perception of an individual in a stressful situation. The visualization should be bright, causing a storm of positive emotions and a feeling of happiness.
There is no need to be afraid of refusals. Every person hears the word “no” several times throughout his life. Even the most successful and self-sufficient individuals face rejection. Therefore, you need to learn not to take negative answers to heart. Rejection is an integral part of life. In view of this, the main thing is not the word “no” itself, but the individual’s attitude towards it. To change your attitude towards negative answers, you need to never take them personally. You need to understand that this is not a human mistake, but an unfavorable combination of circumstances.
Involvement in social situations
A painfully shy person needs to be involved in social situations. After all, communication skills need to be constantly trained and developed. However, this process must be gradual.
If contact with others causes you anxiety and stress, then start small. Try to communicate more with people you know well. After all, talking to an old friend is unlikely to cause you anxiety.
New Scam: “Vote for Black Lives Matter”
Beautiful and funny tattoos based on photographs from Korea
A girl transformed a gray nursery without much investment: what the bedroom looks like
Then you can start communicating in virtual space. Chat with classmates and classmates on social networks, join communities of interest. You will see that there is nothing wrong with contacting people. However, avoid communicating on forums where heated discussions take place. You are not yet ready to participate in disputes.
When visiting public places, say hello to cashiers, consultants, and janitors. Ask the seller to help you choose the product. Gradually you will adapt to communication and will be able to talk freely with strangers.
Take every opportunity to talk. Remember that every contact with others brings you closer to getting rid of social anxiety.
