Jealousy in relationships: good or bad?

Concept and psychology

Jealousy is, first of all, distrust of a partner , and it can arise as a result of any proven reasons or develop completely groundlessly.

This feeling sometimes defies logical explanation .

There are cases where jealousy manifested itself in relation to a person who is no longer alive, or developed in connection with slander, despite the impeccable behavior of the partner.

Psychologists consider jealousy to be the norm, as a reaction to the proven fact of a partner’s betrayal. Also, distrust or doubt in relation to the other half, provoked by the following factors :

1. Long-term conflicts in couples.
2. Praising strangers in the eyes of a partner.
3. Disdainful attitude of spouses towards each other.
4. Decreased sexual activity, sexual disharmony.
5. Forced temporary separation (business trips, trips, etc.).

Normal jealousy can be a temporary reaction to the actions of a partner, or exist for a long time, or be a character trait of a person, accompanying him throughout his life.

Normal jealousy is proportionate to real circumstances : the fact of betrayal, coquetry with a stranger, forced separation, etc.

If the feeling of mistrust transforms into a delusional idea and becomes chronic, we are talking about the development of a mental illness. The idea of ​​suspicion occupies a dominant position in the patient's mind.

He constantly sorts things out with his other half, becomes groundlessly suspicious , and visualizes in his head pictures of his partner’s betrayal.

Against the background of delusional syndrome, emotional excitability occurs, appetite worsens, psychosomatic symptoms develop: weakness, headache, tachycardia.

Pathological jealousy in the absence of psychotherapeutic help always leads to disastrous outcomes: severe physical injury, suicide, murder of a partner or a “suspected” rival.

The problem of jealousy. About jealousy as a disease in this video:

Types of jealousy

In psychology, the concept of jealousy is classified into 2 types:

1. Normal jealousy is a feeling of doubt in a partner that arises when there is a proven fact of infidelity, or when adultery is suspected due to the partner’s behavior.
2. Pathological jealousy is a chronic paranoid delusional psychosis that develops as a result of the influence of negative internal and external factors of a jealous personality.

Normal jealousy that arises in relationships between young people or spouses is divided into the following types according to the nature of its manifestations:

1. Possessive . This type is associated with the fear of losing a loved one. Provoking factors are usually: betrayal, pronounced flirting with another person, separation, cooling of the partner’s feelings.
2. From infringement. It manifests itself in melancholic people, people with high levels of anxiety and low self-esteem. It can be provoked more by the jealous person’s own anxiety and suspiciousness than by external factors. Due to low self-esteem, a person obviously imagines worse developments in relationships in the future, which provokes a groundless attack of doubt in his partner.
3. Tyrannical . Occurs in people who are complacent, stubborn, and emotionally cold. Such individuals show inflated demands on their partner, trying to subjugate him or re-educate him. Jealousy arises due to the lack of subordination of a loved one and his cooling in an intimate sense, and the jealous person sees the guilt in his partner, and not in his own despotic behavior.
4. Grafted . Develops as a result of the influence of life experience, after suffering betrayal from loved ones. In new relationships, such people begin to deliberately test their partner, finding fault with every little thing.
5. Converted . A person begins to suspect his partner of infidelity if he himself has committed adultery or is close to adultery. Such people begin to groundlessly accuse their loved one.

Usually jealousy exists in mixed types, for example, tyrannical is combined with converted, etc.

Normal jealousy can become chronic, gradually turning into paranoia.

What is the law of responsibility and what does a man’s jealousy have to do with it?

According to this Law, each of us in the World he personally created bears one hundred percent responsibility for any event. And even more so for the person involved and his actions. That is, each participant in the interaction has responsibility not fifty-fifty, but one hundred percent. Another thing is that not every person yet agrees to take on these one hundred percent responsibilities. Preferring to shift some percentage part to someone or something.

Example No. 1

For example: “Oh, this government, lawlessness and poverty in the country, torment, and all because they are so widespread. If only there were others and everything would be fine!” Meanwhile, there are a significant number of people who are not concerned at all with the issue of ups and downs in the country’s leadership. And these are not necessarily people who are super wealthy financially and who don’t care about anything.

There are many people who are simply busy with their lives and accept it as they are. They rule and change it at their own discretion. Without placing responsibility for your troubles on anyone. And here we see shifting a significant amount of responsibility for one’s failures in life onto the ephemeral concept of “government.” To angrily and ineffectively shake your fist in their direction, saying, “Until then?!”

Example No. 2

Or another example: “Oh, this medicine! Charlatans and money-seekers! That is, it is their fault that their health has deteriorated. That you have to resort to their services. And not personal negative thinking and a lifestyle that is far from healthy.

Very often, such a worldview is precisely present among people who often visit these “charlatans” and “penny-seekers” almost more often than they visit the market for groceries. It is not surprising that according to the Law of Reflection, what is believed is what is received.

Example No. 3

Well, here’s a third example, to make it more specific and clear: “Oh, it’s my jealous husband’s fault, he ruined my life. There is no escape from him, but he could have been a normal person!” Is it clearing up now?

The law of taking responsibility has a property that regulates its manifestation in our World. How many percent of responsibility for your life out of a hundred you take upon yourself is exactly how much you can change your reality and the circumstances in it.

Jealous - what does it mean?

various emotions and states take place :

• anxiety;
• anger;
• despair;
• hatred;
• envy;
• revenge;
• passion.

A jealous person is tormented by his own suspicions and torments his loved one with reproaches and mistrust . Moreover, the stronger the feelings, the more intense the manifestations of mistrust.

Zealous manifestations are contradictory: at the same time, feelings for a loved one intensify, his positive qualities are revealed on the other side, but at the same time, reproaches, mistrust and doubt increase.

Jealousy - a sentence or a way of life? About the reasons in this video:

Jealousy on the part of the weak

Psychologists classify jealousy in love relationships according to the type of personality it comes from. It is customary to distinguish between jealousy generated by weakness and jealousy on the part of a tyrant. The first type of jealousy is experienced by people with low self-esteem. They consider themselves unworthy, worthless, so they are afraid of losing their “soul mate.” After all, there are so many more attractive, more successful, more interesting people around! But it should be noted that weak people rarely express their dissatisfaction and show jealousy in any aggressive way. In this case, severe destruction occurs within the very personality of the jealous person.

Bad feeling or normal?

What does jealousy mean? Jealousy is considered the norm in the case of a proven fact of betrayal of a loved one , especially against the background of his cooling off in intimacy towards his own partner. In this case, jealousy is a common reaction to a negative stimulus.

Doubts about a partner may arise due to the fear of losing him, especially if a loved one becomes cold in an intimate sense, or openly flirts with others.

Jealousy can be triggered by a long separation between loved ones.

Such jealous manifestations, as a rule, are short-lived and disappear when negative factors are eliminated.

That is, if sex life is restored, a loved one returns from a trip, the feeling of mistrust disappears .

Groundless jealousy in the form of suspicion, as a rule, represents a social danger and often turns into paranoid psychosis.

How to increase a woman's self-esteem? Find out about this from our article.

How to overcome and remove jealousy and mistrust of a man

Women are characterized by “quiet jealousy”: surveillance on the phone and computer, searching pockets, eavesdropping on telephone conversations.

But while feelings may run wild during a jealous episode, the first thing to do is trust that the reaction is too strong. Don't assume the worst.

Overcoming jealousy should be a top priority. And the first step should be attention to yourself, as mentioned above. The next steps are equally important.

Stay independent

Maintain a personal life outside of the partnership. Follow your friendships and pursue your interests. This will reduce the fear of breakup. If there is nothing in life except a partner, overcoming this situation will be much more painful.

Be open and honest with him

If you suspect that your partner is interested in other women, you should openly talk to him about it. Just don't get hysterical, just let him explain everything first. When in doubt, follow your instinct. But sometimes loving women can make mistakes.

Tie him to you

Try to strengthen your relationship with your partner through smart conversations, exchange of experiences and exciting sex life. Hysterics and accusations can only destroy life together.

Instead, make him feel that you always support him in all matters. But don't overdo it! In the end, everyone should have their own life.

Discover your passion

Jealousy often arises when the first love has subsided and there is a lull in the relationship.

Unfortunately, boredom and routine are the death of both truly good sex and exciting relationships.

This can make him feel like he is withdrawing emotionally and physically. Don't bury your head in the sand! This will not help save the relationship. Of course, change will take time, but you can achieve it if you really want it.

A sign of love or mistrust?

At the beginning of a relationship, when passion and mutual understanding come first, there is usually complete mutual trust . Ardent love is blind: every advantage of a loved one strengthens the feeling, every shortcoming disappears.

The first manifestations of jealousy between loved ones begin to arise when the previously raging passion of one of the partners cools. The more ardent the love of one of them, the stronger the jealousy.

It is love pain that explains violent acts motivated by jealousy on the part of persons who are morally impeccable.

The very definition of jealousy is interpreted as distrust and doubt towards one’s other half. Jealousy can also arise, as a manifestation of love , due to the fear of losing a loved one.

Does being jealous mean loving? Is jealousy a sign of love or selfishness? The psychologist comments:

Is it a sin from a religious point of view?

In Orthodoxy, marriage is interpreted as a spiritual and carnal union of two people : “Let the two become one flesh.”

And in the common flesh there should be no place for harmful passions, including jealousy.

Jealousy in the Bible is called cruel, it torments a person from the inside and causes moral pain to a partner .

Orthodox priests say that manifestations of such feelings are a sign of the absence or lack of genuine love. Where there is love, there is no room for jealousy.

Jealousy grows out of mistrust, selfishness, cowardice, despair, and yet these states are considered sinful.

Men's and women's

Jealousy is more characteristic of the male half of humanity, and it arises most often due to the cooling of the spouse in an intimate sense, or in the case of a provable fact of treason.

Men are more sensitive to the intimate side of relationships, and any failure in this regard is painfully felt by them. Since the male sex is rarely ready to realize his mistakes, he does not look for the reason in himself, but shifts the blame for what happened onto the woman , beginning to suspect her of adultery.

Male jealousy is characterized by manifestations of aggression, expressed in reproaches and insults, and even physical injury.

A woman’s jealousy arises on an internal, sometimes intuitive level. If the fact of infidelity is unproven, she may become suspicious if the husband is late at work or talks with a female colleague.

If the fact of betrayal is proven, the woman experiences the situation deeply and falls into despair or depression.

Read about how to raise a man's self-esteem here.

Sibling rivalry

Speaking about childhood jealousy, it is difficult to answer the question: is jealousy good or bad and why? After all, the reason for this feeling in children is based on competition for the approval and attention of their parents. And among the most typical manifestations of jealousy are whims, disobedience, and aggression. This behavior may indicate that the child simply does not have enough attention or communication, and he has found this way to get what he needs.

We must immediately make a reservation that jealousy is an inevitable feeling for children in families where more than one child is growing up. But it always manifests itself in different ways, to varying degrees. Some people sometimes ask for one more goodnight kiss, while others literally don’t give their parents a minute of peace, constantly arguing, swearing and crying.

Causes

Where does jealousy come from? The causes of male and female jealousy are somewhat diverse, which is due to physiological gender characteristics .

A man becomes jealous of a woman for the following reasons:

• intrafamily: conflicts, cooling of the partner during sexual intimacy;
• everyday: long separations, a woman’s playful conversations about possible betrayal, flirting with another;
• environmental: alcoholism, emotional exhaustion;
• slander of the spouse by other persons;
• proven treason.

Men susceptible to instinctive impulses than women. They want to dominate sexuality, decide the fate of their chosen one, and lead her. They can be jealous of their loved one even towards her former partners.

Women are characterized by an instinct of submission. They begin to be jealous of their man because they are afraid of losing him.

In the case of male infidelity, a woman finds the main culprit in the person of her mistress and is ready not only to forgive and return to her husband, but also to regard her return as a victory.

Manifestations of jealousy in women can be provoked by factors such as:

1. Proven fact of betrayal of a loved one in the present or past.
2. A man's flirting with members of the opposite sex.
3. A man’s sudden attention to his appearance: wearing perfume, going to the gym.
4. Decreased attention from the partner.

Women are inclined, even in the absence of adultery, to complain to their friends about his infidelity.

Special occasions

Why is a mistress jealous of his wife? A mistress who receives physical and financial attention from a married man often becomes jealous of his wife.

This happens due to the desire to get a man , a breadwinner on an instinctive level, into full ownership.

If at first the lover comes to terms with her social role, then over time, her attachment to her partner increases, and infrequent meetings begin to burden her.

A typical picture also occurs in cases where a lover begins to be jealous of a married lady towards her husband . Men are not instinctively equipped to share their woman with someone else.

Unlike female representatives, a lover begins to be jealous of his married lover not at all out of a desire to live together.

Perhaps he does not even consider his mistress as a life partner . Male jealousy is considered in this case as a physiological instinct inherent in the stronger sex.

Partners' mistakes

Jealousy is biologically inherent in humans. The fear of losing a loved one forces the husband (wife) to be more attentive, more caring, and so on. With indifference and suppressed feelings, when no one is jealous of anyone, does not live in the interests of the other, relationships cool down. This often leads to self-isolation or divorce.

Newlyweds are not advised to provoke each other, otherwise the resulting violent emotions will lead to a breakup and other sad consequences.

Meanwhile, for experienced couples, subtle manipulation of emotions often enlivens their life together. But not everyone realizes this. Unfortunately, many representatives of the fairer sex are of the opinion that jealousy brings complete chaos to relationships. They completely dissolve in their partner, try to please him, forgetting about their own interests. Over time, men get used to this attitude, their family life stagnates, which, of course, leads to boredom.

Signs of manifestation

How can you tell if a guy or girl is jealous? The manifestations of jealous feelings in women and men differ significantly.

A man usually begins to doubt a woman after failure in intimacy, or after his beloved refuses her marital duty.

In males, jealousy is determined by the following characteristics:

1. He talks openly with his partner about his suspicions and asks questions.
2. He begins to show increased attention to his beloved.
3. Often he inclines his spouse towards physical intimacy, thereby confirming to himself the fact of his possession.
4. He begins to get irritated when his wife puts on makeup before leaving the house, or puts on, in his opinion, revealing clothes.
5. Suddenly becomes secretive and sullen.
6. Openly insults his wife if she refuses physical intimacy.

Pathological jealousy in a man is expressed in manic suspicions .

He begins to follow his wife, look through her phone, constantly call her, openly and groundlessly accuse his wife of cheating.

In an emotional attack, things can even go as far as assault .

Female jealousy is expressed in such signs as:

1. Suspicions: review of phone calls, contacts and SMS of the spouse with detailed interrogation.
2. Constant monitoring: frequent phone calls, visits to work, inspection of clothing.
3. A ban on any friendly gatherings and work corporate parties.

Due to intense jealousy, women may deny their spouse physical intimacy . Some female representatives, jealous of their lover, deliberately try to arouse jealous manifestations in him: they begin to wear revealing clothes, put on bright makeup, and flirt with other men in front of their spouse.

How to cope with a panic attack? Find out the answer right now.

About the differences between female and male jealousy in this video:

How to deal with jealousy as a man

A man experiences jealousy differently than a woman. Research has shown that men are more jealous of particularly attractive women.

It's also interesting that men are more likely to project their negative feelings onto women rather than other competitors. Men are much more sensitive to their partner's behavior when she changes her clothing style, gets bored during sex, or doesn't feel any desire at all.

Men deal with jealousy differently than women. A popular model can be called “actions out of spite”: flirting, romance, affair in response to one’s suspicions regarding the other half.

“Get what you deserve!” They may react with harsh and hurtful remarks. Or, on the contrary, demonstrate feigned indifference to his partner, despite the fact that everything is boiling inside him, like a volcano before an explosion.

To get rid of jealousy, a man must first identify its cause (low self-esteem, possessiveness, poor judgment), process it and apply common sense.

Then think about finding a joint hobby. This could be training, cycling, or a general blog, where she cooks and invents different dishes, and he maintains a portal and posts photographs. You may have to change your hobby more than once, looking for something that suits both.

What does the feeling lead to?

The possible consequences of female and male jealousy are diverse and depend on the reasons for the emergence of mistrust and the personal characteristics of the jealous person.

Chronic jealousy leads to disruption of relationships between partners. Against the background of mistrust, conflicts, insults, and mutual reproaches constantly develop.

Jealousy can reach such proportions that the party constantly accused of infidelity either decides to cheat or finally breaks off the relationship .

Pathological jealousy can lead to physical injury, including the murder of the “unfaithful” party and rival or suicide of the jealous person. Groundless jealousy kills the love of not only the jealous partner, but also his chosen one, who is forced to live in constant mistrust.