Definition of conflict
The term conflict is defined as a way of resolving acute contradictions between two or more entities. Since a contradictory situation, as a rule, causes a certain degree of tension, a kind of détente occurs as a result of the conflict.
According to psychologists, conflict occurs due to people's passionate, conscious or unconscious desire to influence or control others, especially since they try to do this out of good intentions. The desires of different people collide with each other. Thus, a contradiction in views appears.
Very often people develop a negative attitude towards conflict. Since it is, as a rule, associated with such concepts as quarrel, swearing, argument, etc. At the same time, rarely does anyone think that it can be useful. After all, its result is that subjects try to find a way out of a contradictory situation. There are various ways to do this - discussions, compromises, etc. As a result, people find a state of peace, agreement, the ability to resolve a contradictory situation and come to a common opinion.
Often conflicts contribute to improving relations between its participants, but only if they do not contradict general group standards and do not go beyond moral standards. It often happens that a third party may be interested in a conflict, then it cannot have a positive outcome.
The main “symptoms” of the development of a conflict situation in the family
The first signs of conflict often remain hidden until the peak moment. How do you understand that it is necessary to make any efforts to prevent a conflict situation?
No confrontation arises without reason. The concept of conflict implies the presence of certain prerequisites: frequent disputes, misunderstanding, silence and inability to properly build a dialogue. Example: a spouse returned from work upset and in need of support. And his wife, in turn, thought that he was tired and did not “bother” him with conversations, although now he simply needed dialogue with her. Gradually, omissions are layered on top of each other, and an invisible gap arises between the partners, and later signs of conflict appear:
- Tension in communication.
- A sharp reaction to any irritant.
- Attempts to call a partner to talk end with him withdrawing into himself.
- Detachment from what is happening around.
As a result, due to issues not resolved in a timely manner, a conflict situation arises in the family, for the successful resolution of which both parties must make every effort.
Classification of controversial situations
Conflicts are studied by a special science called conflictology. There are various classifications of them. What lies at the heart of the conflict was studied by psychologist L. Crowser. In his opinion, conflict situations are divided into the following :
- Subject (realistic). Their goal is to achieve some result. They appear when the demands of the conflicting parties are unsatisfied or one, or perhaps both, parties to the conflict believe that the distribution of any benefits between them is unfair.
- Pointless (unrealistic). Their goal is the public expression of negative grievances, emotions, and discontent accumulated in a person. Thus, the creation of a conflict situation in this case becomes an end in itself.
Many experts believe that conflicts are an integral part of social relations. There are several types :
- Intrapersonal, characterized by the fact that its participants are not people, but different components of the inner world of the individual (Child, Adult, Parent).
- Interpersonal, which is usually based on reasons independent of the individual. Basically, this is a struggle between people for missing resources, livelihoods, industrial space, labor, etc. Such contradictions can appear between a boss and his employee - a subordinate, if their interests do not coincide or there is a misunderstanding of the requirements of one for the other.
- Between an individual and a group, appearing when an individual does not comply with the norms and rules accepted in the group.
- Intergroup, occurring between separate groups of people within a large organization.
- Social, arising between large social communities (states, nations, classes).
It should be noted that group conflicts include conflicts in which at least one of the parties is a small social group.
In addition, conflictologists distinguish the following types of disagreements: constructive and destructive. Constructive ones are positive, since in this case the relationships between the partners are preserved. Destructive - negative, because they lead to a breakdown in relationships.
In terms of status they distinguish:
- vertical conflicts (manager - subordinate - visitor);
- horizontal disagreements - occur between people occupying the same status.
According to the length of time they are distinguished:
- short-term;
- long-term;
- protracted.
According to signs of manifestation:
- open;
- closed.
By degree of intensity:
- intense;
- erased.
There is also a two-pronged conflict. It refers to two interrelated conflict situations. For example, disagreements between two personalities and confrontation between two generations.
Provoking factors
A conflict is a clash of conflicting interests; no one is immune from them. However, each person can exhibit certain reactions in behavior, thereby provoking the emergence of a problem situation :
- Interruption.
- Conscious or unconscious manifestation of antipathy.
- Nitpicking for any reason.
- Belittling the dignity of another person.
- Negative assessment of another person's personality.
- Threats.
- Focusing on the difference between your opponent and yourself to your advantage.
- Reluctance to admit your mistakes and the rightness of another person.
- Display of incompetence.
- Violation of a person’s personal space and sharp gestures in this space.
Psychologists have studied well what drives conflict. They talk about the existence of certain misconceptions that interfere with the resolution of contradictions. There are several of them:
- The illusion of one’s own superiority is when each of the conflicting parties thinks that truth and justice are on his side. At the same time, each of them is under the delusion that only he wants to resolve the situation, and the other does not.
- Looking for the straw in the other person's eye - in such a situation, each party clearly sees the other party's shortcomings, but does not notice their own.
- Double attack - participants in conflict actions realize that they are performing the same actions in relation to each other, but they evaluate their actions as correct, permissible, legal, and the actions and actions of the other person as directed against them.
The impact of conflict on a person
Exactly how a particular conflict situation affects an individual depends on several factors:
- The set goal and desired result.
- The significance of the conflict for both participants.
- A variant of behavior chosen by a participant in a conflict of interests.
Each of the above factors is strongly linked to the next, and only their combination can show how the problem of conflict affects an individual. For example, a person has set a task (goal) for himself, the implementation of which is especially important for him, while his opponent is absolutely indifferent to this goal. As a result, with the dominant behavior chosen by the opponent, the person will not be able to achieve what he wants, acutely experiencing his failure.
Types of personalities who get into disagreements
In the confrontation of interests, a large role is played by a person’s character traits, his motives, interests, feelings, habits, will and many other qualities of his character. This variety of characteristics allows us to identify several types of conflicting personalities. Psychologist and conflictologist Brams identifies the following :
- aggressor;
- complainant;
- angry child;
- maximalist - a person who wants everything to be resolved without delay;
- silent - a person who does not talk about his grievances for a long time;
- secret vigilante;
- false altruist - a person who supposedly does good, but at the same time regrets it;
- chronic accuser.
Domestic researchers classify types of conflicting personalities in their own way. Psychologist S. M. Emelyanov names the following five :
- Demonstrative. He likes to have increased attention focused on him. Depends on the opinions of others about yourself. If they speak well of him, then such people deserve attention. If it's bad, then no.
- Rigid. He has a high opinion of himself, inflexible in communication, conservative, straightforward, which can offend people close to him.
- Ultra-precise. Scrupulous, tries to do everything perfectly, precise in details. Shows increased anxiety about his inconsistency with the requirements of loved ones, colleagues and managers. Prone to psychosomatic illnesses.
- Ungovernable. Impulsive, aggressive, inconsistent, acts intuitively, according to the situation.
- Conflict-free. Follows the crowd, does not like to be the center of attention, has poor perspective, and is inconsistent.
It should be mentioned that there are also people suffering from conflict phobia, which is expressed in various manifestations of fear of controversial situations and avoidance of them even in cases where they require active action to get out of them.
Examples of conflict resolution
To better understand how each strategy works, let's look at them using specific examples.
Compromise
This strategy involves resolving conflict situations through mutual concessions from both parties. Each participant in the conflict makes concessions, sacrificing some of his own interests in exchange for the concessions of the other, in order to ultimately come to a common solution that will suit both of them.
The compromise strategy is usually chosen in situations where there is a goal to reach an agreement in a conflict, but in such a way that each party wins at least something, when the conflicting parties recognize each other’s interests and values and want the outcome of the conflict to be as objective as possible.
The use of compromise is justified if the parties to the conflict have mutually exclusive interests and are in equal conditions. Often this method is used as the last opportunity to resolve a controversial situation while preserving the relationship.
Example: A husband wants his wife to cook dinner every day. And my wife says that she gets tired after work, especially since she also has to wash the dishes. Then the spouses find a compromise solution: the wife cooks and the husband washes the dishes.
Cooperation
The cooperation strategy involves the longest and most detailed study of a controversial issue. Resolving a conflict situation is not the main goal here; the most important thing is to satisfy the interests of each participant in the dispute and develop a mutually beneficial long-term solution to the problem.
Cooperation will be justified and effective if the resolution of the conflict is equally important for all its participants, they are interested in maintaining good long-term relations with each other and are ready to clearly formulate the essence of their claims and interests, listen (the main thing is to hear) the opponent.
The cooperation strategy is ideal for resolving conflict situations with loved ones and relatives, as it involves long and repeated negotiations between the parties.
Collaboration often feels like compromise. The strategies are similar because they can only be used if both parties are interested in resolving the conflict and maintaining the relationship. The key difference between the strategies is that a compromise is achieved at a superficial level and the parties to the conflict are not necessarily in a long-term relationship, but cooperation involves a deeper study of the controversial issue; the conflicting parties, as a rule, are in close and long-term relationships, and therefore are interested in a long-term solution to the issue .
For example , a family with children came to relax at the seaside. On one of the days of rest, the husband and children wanted to spend time actively, so they suggested going to the water park. On the contrary, my wife planned to lie on the beach and sunbathe. Then the husband and wife discuss the current situation and decide to go to the water park with the whole family, because there are slides for active recreation and sun loungers to lie on. As a result, the issue was resolved, each participant in the conflict satisfied their interests.
Device
This model of exiting a conflict situation is most often formed in early childhood. You can identify it using the online test “How your parents raised you as a child.”
Adaptation is a way of smoothing out or resolving a conflict when one of its participants, sacrificing their interests and opinions, yields to another participant, accepting his version of solving the problem.
This strategy is used when:
· the outcome of the conflict is extremely important for the opponent, but at the same time the yielding side “loses almost nothing”;
· maintaining good relationships is more important than standing up for being right;
· the yielding party chooses an adaptation in order to ultimately achieve a resolution of the conflict in its favor in a roundabout way;
· during a dispute, the yielding party realizes that the opponent is truly right;
· the opponent has more power.
Adaptive behavior is justified if the conflict is not that significant, but the disagreements that arise can ruin the relationship. That is, making concessions or losing in a conflict will help maintain relationships with your opponent, which in a particular situation is much more important than defending your position.
If the conflict is serious and greatly violates personal boundaries or affects your life values, then the adaptation will be ineffective, because the opponent will decide that everything is in order and will violate the boundaries again next time. Such a situation may ultimately result in an even more serious conflict, since the dissatisfaction you have accumulated will sooner or later burst out, or will remain “with you” as passive aggression.
Example strategy : you have a rule that you don’t let anyone wear your clothes. A friend came to visit and accidentally spilled coffee on her T-shirt. You love your friend very much and, of course, you will help her out and, as an exception, let her wear your T-shirt.
Convenient woman, who is she?
Rivalry
A person who chooses a strategy of competition in a conflict situation is determined to defeat his opponent no matter what.
Typically, rivalry involves open conflict, when its participants try to prove to each other that they are right, resorting to pressure, raised voices, often insults, or even the use of physical force.
The reasons for this method of conflict resolution may be: protecting life and health, defending personal boundaries when they are violated, a constant desire for leadership in everything, bad manners, and self-centeredness.
Rivalry is unjustified when you are trying to prove that you are right, regardless of the situation and the importance of maintaining a good relationship with your opponent. In conflict situations with close relatives or friends, with children and spouses who are very significant to us, the strategy of competition will fail.
There are situations in life when competition is a necessary strategy of behavior. It should be used if the life and health (yours or those close to you) are in danger, your personal boundaries are severely violated, or your opponent, as they say, simply “does not understand in a good way.” The strategy is also justified in cases where it is necessary to protect someone from physical or moral violence, or unjustified rash acts.
Do you want to witness the conflict from a competitive position? You just need to go to a public place. Although, unfortunately, most often it is in clinics, shops and public catering places that such conflicts are unjustified, and indicate bad manners and emotional licentiousness of those in conflict.
An example of using a strategy : the neighbors listen to music loudly after 23-00, and you are getting ready for bed. In this situation, your neighbors are violating your personal boundaries, so the best thing to do is to go down to the floor below and remind you that night has fallen. Often this is enough. But sometimes the violators, nodding their heads, 10 minutes later again disturb the neighbors’ peace at night. In this case, it would be best to first warn, and if this does not help, call the police.
Avoidance
This strategy involves leaving, self-elimination, and removing oneself from a conflict situation.
Avoidance of conflict can be expressed both physically - leaving, running away, hanging up the phone, and emotionally - silence, ignoring the topic of conversation, trying to start a conversation on another topic.
Thus, a person does not try to adapt, come to a common decision, or go into open conflict. The reason for this behavior can be both self-doubt and lack of motivation, energy or time to clarify the situation.
If a conflict situation directly affects your interests, then avoidance is not an appropriate way to solve the problem. Yes, you will save your nerve cells and time, but then the conflict will remain unresolved and will only get worse, or it will be resolved, but without your participation, and therefore without taking into account your opinion.
The avoidance strategy is good in situations where the conflict does not directly affect your interests at the moment; whether it is resolved or not does not matter much to you.
The situation with neighbors is also suitable as an example Let’s say this is not the first time your neighbors have turned on music this late, and you know that after about an hour they usually turn it off. And just in the next hour you are not going to sleep, and the noise does not interfere with your business. The best option would be not to waste your strength and avoid a possible conflict.
Stages of development of controversial situations
The process of conflict development is sequential, including the beginning, course and end of the situation. Usually there are 4 stages :
- accumulation of conflict potential, antipathy towards a person, contradictory interests and values;
- emotional explosion (transition of conflict from potential to real);
- conflicting actions;
- relieving tension and resolving conflict - with one outcome, or breaking up a relationship - with another outcome.
Ways to get out of conflict
The conflict lasts until the necessary conditions for its completion arise. A visible sign of its completion is the cessation of disagreements between the parties to the conflict. There are several ways to resolve conflict situations:
- Cooperation. This method is aimed at resolving disagreements that are the cause of the conflict. The parties to the conflict try to resolve problems, sacrificing even their values for this.
- Rivalry. In this case, as a rule, each of the conflicting parties tries to resolve the disagreement only in its own favor, which, in turn, causes strong opposition from them. This is the most dangerous path, since it often turns a verbal conflict into a direct clash with force.
- Compromise. This method allows you to bring together the interests of the parties to achieve common goals. In this case, participants can make significant concessions. However, in this case, disagreements are not completely resolved, but only temporarily, thanks to sacrifices and concessions, driven inside.
- Device. This is a way that preserves social relationships. With this method, the subject, aware of the presence of a conflict, tries, using various methods, to adapt to the situation. By acting in this way, he seems to remove disagreements through concessions.
- Avoidance. This method allows you to get away from disagreements that have arisen by changing the topic of conversation (for example, citing untimeliness, inappropriateness, or lack of time). This approach is simply postponing the conflict for a while. This method allows participants to cool down or find a better way out of the current situation. However, such tactics usually only delay the conflict. Therefore, it is unproductive. At the same time, the subjects of a conflict situation retain the status of their “I”.
- Compulsion. Is an unproductive way to resolve conflict. Here the initiator of the conflict directly tries to impose his own version of overcoming the situation. By coercing, the initiator quickly, without hesitation, destroys the cause of his discontent. However, his opponent may become dissatisfied, leading to a severance of relations with the initiator.
Methods for resolving conflict situations are divided into direct and indirect. Direct ones include attempts to resolve the conflict using constructive methods: direct discussion of this conflict situation. However, this method can lead to an increase in conflictual relationships. Indirect are divided into several principles:
- An outlet for feelings. It is necessary to give the person the opportunity to express accumulated negative feelings and emotions.
- Emotional compensation. Here you need to show the person that he is accepted and understood for who he is.
- Authoritative third. When a third party tries to convey to each participant in a conflict situation the favorable and benevolent opinion of the opponent.
- Exposing aggression. When a third party forces opponents to sort things out in front of him.
- Forced hearing of the opponent.
- Exchange of positions. It is suggested to look at the situation through the eyes of your opponent.
- Expanding the horizon. It should be conveyed to the participants that the reason is quite petty and we are together in more global things.
In many relationships, conflict plays an important role. And the ability to manage it, choose different tactics of behavior in the development of different situations makes it possible to feel confident in any circumstances.
