Pride - this is an insidious thing, because it begins to grow not when a person is bad, but on the contrary, when he is doing well. When success, growth, prosperity, praise and power come, pride is right there, and on a positive wave and euphoria it is very easy to overlook it. But when it grows and gains strength, most often it cannot be stopped. And pride first lifts a person up, plunging him into the illusion of his own greatness, and then at one moment throws him into the abyss, smashing him to the ground.
Where does arrogance come from and how does it manifest itself?
Oddly enough, arrogance often stems from low self-esteem. Exactly. A person, having certain complexes and beliefs that he is inferior, subconsciously turns on a “defensive reaction”, and the pendulum flies in the opposite direction - the person “puts on a crown” and begins to consider himself exceptional, and attributes all his failures to the fact that he is surrounded unworthy people who prevent him from realizing all his capabilities and talents. Such a person, on a deep subconscious level, envies successful people who have achieved what he cannot achieve. And this envy leads a person to the point that he begins to justify his failures simply by the fact that the world around him is imperfect and the people around him too. And such envy with arrogance usually leads to loneliness.
Because communicating with a person who only considers himself smart and beautiful, and everyone around him as nonentities, is unpleasant for anyone. And the sad thing is that the loneliness of such a person only further roots him in the belief that he is special, “not of this world,” and so on. He begins to reflect on the topic that “geniuses have always been rejected,” “talented people were not recognized by their contemporaries.” A person is immersed in his fantasies about his own exclusivity, talent, perfection, and in especially severe cases, being chosen by God, and so on (this can even lead to mental disorders such as megalomania).
But even if arrogance manifests itself at the everyday level, this also leads to conflicts with others. And sooner or later, such a person inevitably finds himself “in the void” - former friends and acquaintances are gradually eliminated, and new ones also do not appear, because such a person instantly pushes everyone away with his behavior. Although such people often acquire the skill of “putting on a mask”, playing the role of a virtuous and peace-loving person. But this is all very fragile - as soon as someone doubts the positive qualities of an arrogant person and his “special status” relative to others, the mask will immediately be dropped, the person will show his true face and everything will fall into place.
Arrogance: synonyms and antonyms
The most accurate synonym that reflects the essence of arrogance is pride. It is important to separate the concepts of “pride” (self-esteem) and “arrogance” (when a person puts himself above others, believing that he is superior to others in some way). Such good Russian words as “arrogance” and “arrogance” also reflect the essence of arrogance. The most striking antonym for arrogance, perhaps, can be considered the word “humility.” And humility is the most effective antidote to arrogance.
The meaning of the word "arrogance"
Arrogance is a “high measure.” That is, in this word we are talking about the fact that a person makes high demands on others - he “measures” them highly. And this is the basic mistake. A reasonable person tries to make high demands on himself - and it is this position that leads him to perfection. But an arrogant person already considers himself perfect (although most often there is still a very long way to go to perfection), but he makes demands on everyone else, wanting to see only perfect people around. The same as he considers himself.
Signs of Arrogance
What does arrogance mean? What are the signs of arrogance? An arrogant person, in the literal sense, is identified by the “crown” on his head. Such people are very jealous of their reputation, often worry about what other people think of them, although at the same time they demonstratively do not care about other people's opinions. In the speech of such people, you can often hear condemnation of others even for the smallest shortcomings and misdeeds. Such people often speak either negatively or contemptuously about those around them, or, at best, simply condescendingly, on the principle of “what can we take from them.”
In the speech of such a person, the following position can often be seen: “I always do everything right, I’m always right in everything, and if something doesn’t work out for me, then those around me are to blame, because due to their imperfections they spoil everything.” And with such a philosophy, an arrogant person, as if with a red banner, goes through life, pushing people away from himself with his behavior and arrogant attitude. Arrogant arrogance almost always leads to a person ending up alone. Because it is simply impossible to communicate with him or have any common affairs - be it a hobby, business, or recreation.
Signs of Arrogance
All the narcissist’s energy is aimed at maintaining the desired level of self-esteem and a favorable image in the eyes of others. However, creating a false “I” harms not only others, but also the person himself.
How does it manifest itself?
It is not difficult to recognize an arrogant person in a crowd. The manner of communication, upbringing, timbre of voice - all this indicates a vain personality. The main signs of arrogant behavior are the following:
- the narcissist never admits he is guilty or wrong;
- an arrogant person is indifferent to the problems of others, he does not know how to sympathize and empathize;
- an egoist always speaks arrogantly and in a commanding tone;
- a vain personality loves to indulge in narcissism against the background of a gray mass;
- the narcissist reliably hides his own shortcomings from others;
- Snobs always use other people to satisfy their needs;
- the narcissist always communicates arrogantly, because of this, after the conversation one feels spiritual devastation;
- a narcissistic egoist always looks contemptuously and down on others;
- an arrogant person constantly devalues the merits of people, and, on the contrary, idealizes his own;
- male narcissists try to achieve significance in the eyes of others, but as soon as they succeed, a feeling of emptiness arises in their souls;
- a vain person loves to offend people, make insults, cynical and evil jokes at them;
- Arrogant women do not know how to appreciate simplicity and small joys, because of this they constantly force their children to meet all their expectations.
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Narcissists are envious people. They try to protect themselves from this unpleasant feeling. For this reason, selfish snobs rarely ask their friends about the details of their professional and personal lives.
No matter how arrogant narcissists may seem, deep down they are weak and complex individuals who are afraid of exposing their own shortcomings.
Origins
Many people mistakenly believe that arrogant people are born. Of course, genetic predisposition influences the formation of personality. But there is also education, which is carried out in society and family. The development of narcissism is influenced by the following factors:
- Excessive parental love. Children definitely need to be praised, but it is important not to overdo it. If you constantly extol your child to unimaginable heights, he will develop selfishness, which over time will begin to manifest itself in the form of narcissism.
- Insufficient attention from parents. If a teenager constantly faces misunderstanding, indifference, lack of support and love in the family, he becomes very upset. As compensation and protection, the child will begin to idealize himself. He will demand all the missing tenderness and care from the people around him.
- Fortune's constant smile. Systematic luck can turn any person into an arrogant upstart. The longer luck favors the lucky one, the more the majestic image of his own “I” will take root in his mind.
Hidden Arrogance
If obvious signs of vanity can be seen with the naked eye, then hidden arrogance is often hidden under a kind mask . You can recognize fake good intentions by a person’s actions and his relationships with other people:
- An arrogant person does not know how or does not want to ask for help. It is easier for an arrogant person to do everything on his own than to negotiate with someone.
- Narcissists are afraid of responsibility, so they prefer not to take initiative. This is observed both in the personal and professional spheres.
- Selfish people are extremely irresponsible. Their words rarely match their deeds.
- Laziness is the best friend of girls and guys who value themselves highly.
- The narcissist does not know what pity is, but is able to demonstrate it in order to gain control over the situation.
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Negative consequences
Narcissism is a dangerous psychological personality disorder that requires mandatory treatment. If the disease is ignored, depression may develop. Prolonged apathy can lead to suicide or the formation of related addictions:
- substance abuse;
- alcoholism;
- drug addiction;
- eating disorders.
Narcissism impairs quality of life. An arrogant character makes it difficult for a person to build strong and lasting relationships with friends and colleagues. No one will want to treat such an individual with warmth and love.
Only timely correction of behavior under the guidance of a psychologist will help eliminate swaggering arrogance.
How to get rid of arrogance
As mentioned above, the problem with arrogance is that a person most often does not have a critical perception of reality and his own personality. Arrogant people, one might say, live in their own little world, where man himself is the center of the Universe, and everything that happens around him is directly related to him. All people for such a person are divided into two categories: those who recognize his exclusivity and perfection (such people fall into the category of “friends”), and those who do not recognize and do not notice the merits and good qualities of such a person, which - in his opinion subjective opinion - he supposedly has (such people fall into the category of “enemies”).
And so, having divided this world into “friends” and “enemies” (with the former becoming less and less every day, and the circle of the latter expanding all the time), a person begins to plunge further and further into his illusions, where he is the pinnacle of perfection, and everything around him insignificant, pathetic people who do not understand anything. And the longer he follows such a paradigm, the more his condition only worsens and the thicker the veil falls on his eyes, and reality becomes for him a “kingdom of distorting mirrors.”
How to get rid of arrogance? First, you should try to track all the signs of the “disease” in yourself. Observe yourself, try to abstract yourself from your experiences and strong beliefs. If you begin to notice that all your conversations boil down to the fact that everyone around you is mistaken or behaving incorrectly, and you are always right in all situations, this is a reason to think that perhaps you are an arrogant person. If you observe that you treat others with disdain, consider yourself better than others and constantly judge people, then arrogance has become your quality and something needs to be done about it. And the best way to get rid of this lack is to cultivate humility in yourself. High self-esteem is no better than low self-esteem; it is just the “other side of the coin.”
There is an opinion that high self-esteem is almost always the consequence of low self-esteem and is simply a defense mechanism of the psyche. So arrogance most often occurs due to self-doubt, which is hidden deep in the subconscious, conviction of one’s inferiority and other complexes. And this is exactly what you need to work with. Try to analyze your childhood, your entire past life - when your arrogant attitude towards people arose and how it developed. Most likely, you will note that for some period of your life, on the contrary, you had low self-esteem and you believed that you were somehow worse than others, you couldn’t do anything, and so on. And then the pendulum swung in the other direction, and the psyche began to work in a different direction - condemnation of others began and thoughts that they were somehow worse than you. Both conditions are equally painful and lead to social maladjustment.
To cope with arrogance, you need to work through your deep complexes and problems. It will most likely not be possible to solve this simply at the level of consciousness. You need to work with the subconscious. For this, meditation will be most effective. You can also advise you to undergo the practice of Vipassana, a ten-day immersion into yourself and your inner world. As the experience of many practitioners shows, Vipassana allows you to become better acquainted with your inner world and not only understand the causes of problems, but also eliminate them as quickly and effectively as possible.
Methods of disposal
Returning to a normal perception of the world is the only way to avoid a lonely death, and only working on yourself can help.
Recognize the problem
No matter how trivial and simple it may sound, awareness of the problem is the first step towards a solution. A person who realizes that he is subject to pride will find in himself the ability to pacify it.
He will begin to pull himself together, control his own thoughts, and finally fight. Thus, the solution to the question will come by itself, because all the answers are within us.
View the horizons
A person who has achieved success has the right to be worthy of himself, but not to humiliate others. Look around, do all successful people really consider others to be complete dirt, then you too will be a nonentity for him. Think about this more often.
Connect with more successful people in other fields
Another method of dealing with pride can be considered communication with people who are more successful and developed. Look for those, strive for those and get to know them. Moreover, be interested in business issues, life and everyday issues. Find someone who will be an example for you.
You will say that you are already good enough to take an example from another person. So answer the question: why don’t you have world fame, haven’t invented anything, or haven’t given birth to children?
Constantly change your hobbies
When considering what a hobby is, we imagine an activity that we like and enjoy doing. Over time, having “eaten the dog” in a hobby or other type of activity, pride increases, they say: “Here is how much I can do!” The task of a person, being successful in one area, is to constantly be at the bottom of another.
Let it be cross stitch, pottery, figure skating.
As soon as you have learned to do something thoroughly, immediately change your occupation. This is useful for all-round development, and this way you will always remind yourself that there is still something to learn.
Work with your own shortcomings
That's right, don't win, but work with them. Weaknesses are part of individuality and distinguish one person from another, so working with them is a normal practice that allows those who soared to heaven to descend to earth.
The work is as follows: you write your shortcomings on a piece of paper, and then regularly consider them, thinking about whether a person with such a set can be ideal and whether there is something to strive for.
Criticize yourself
When pride has saddled a person, then it is worth fighting it with the help of criticism addressed to oneself, from oneself. Criticize yourself mentally, on paper, on a tape recorder, whatever you like, but criticism should accompany you everywhere.
Try to keep it healthy and objective.
Ask a loved one for criticism
A person with signs of pride has a weakly expressed ability for self-criticism, and therefore it will be much more effective and objective to ask the opinion of another person. This could be a husband, girlfriend, sister. Any person you trust. Ask him to name three of your negative qualities, and then grit your teeth and don’t even think about proving him wrong.
Sleep with this thought for a day, two, think about what you were told. These are your shortcomings! Work on them.
Reading an article about pride already indicates that you have the ability to recognize and understand problems, which means you can get rid of them in no time, because a reasonable approach and willingness to work on oneself moves a person from one stage of development to another.
Arrogance Test
There are 12 signs of arrogance that may indicate that you may have arrogance:
- Reluctance to ask questions
. An arrogant person believes that he knows everything he needs, and he is a priori smarter than others. - Also a sign of arrogance is the reluctance to ask questions about the Path that a person is following
. An arrogant person believes that he already knows how he will be better. - Non-acceptance of criticism
. An arrogant person considers himself perfect and perceives any criticism as unfounded. - In a conversation, an arrogant person always speaks and listens only to himself
. He is not interested in the point of view of his interlocutor, because the interlocutor is already, by default, mistaken. - Constantly trying to lecture someone
is also a sign of arrogance. A person believes that only he is right, and everyone around him is mistaken and it is urgent to “set them on the right path.” - Love of praise
. An arrogant person loves to be praised. After all, it is always deserved. - Failure to perceive inconvenient truths
. If an arrogant person is told a truth that harms his interests, he will reject any arguments. - An arrogant person thinks he is smarter than others
. He thinks that everyone around him makes mistakes. Everyone except himself. - Thirst for power and getting pleasure from control
, and more often - from humiliation and domination over others. - Oddly enough, sycophancy
is one of the signs of arrogance. A person, wanting to create comfortable conditions for himself, strives to please his superiors in order to gain even more power and influence. - Constantly talking about the shortcomings of others
. And constant humiliation and insults of other people on this basis. - Not admitting your own mistakes
. Inability to apologize and repent.
Features of communication with narcissists
Dealing with narcissists is not an easy task. Arrogant individuals are good manipulators who are ready to get their way by any means. To avoid getting into trouble, when talking with narcissistic people, psychologists advise adhering to the following rules:
- Setting personal boundaries is an important step when dealing with a snob. For example, if a narcissistic friend calls at an inconvenient time, there is no need to be afraid to refuse the conversation. You should communicate with an arrogant opponent of your own free will.
- Since narcissists do not like to listen to criticism, comments addressed to them must be presented in doses. Psychologists recommend using the sandwich principle: first, a man or woman should give a compliment, then introduce constructive criticism into the conversation, and then again say a few words of praise.
- Don't trust narcissists with personal information. Otherwise it will be used against the opponent.
- People whose vanity and arrogance always come first do not know how to truly love. Under the narcissist's halo of care there is always a cold calculation. You should not accept favors or favors from an arrogant person.
- There is no need to make excuses. The narcissist will try to make the other person doubt themselves. In psychology, gaslighting is a favorite tactic of arrogant people when communicating with others. By all means possible, you should not allow yourself to be confused.
- The narcissist begins to show aggression in order to receive a portion of reciprocal emotions. You shouldn't behave provocatively. Ignoring is the best defense.
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When dealing with a vain person, you need to remain calm. Yoga or meditation will help you practice endurance.
Proverbs about arrogance
The harmfulness of arrogance is widely reflected in popular proverbs and sayings:
- It’s not worth a penny, but it looks like a ruble;
- don’t turn your nose up, otherwise you’ll fall;
- flew high and landed in a chicken coop;
- high in opinions, but low in deeds;
- flies high, but lands somewhere;
- sits on a sheepskin and talks about sable;
- every woodlice wants to fly like a bird.
The problem of arrogance is the scourge of our time
In our society, the problem of an arrogant attitude towards others is highly developed. And all this most often comes from childhood. Parents allow two extremes in raising a child. First: the child is taught that he is special, chosen, not like everyone else, that he is better than others, that all around are losers and plebeians. Second: the child is told that he is insignificant, incapable of anything, a loser, lazy and, in general, does not have any talents or good qualities. And both of these extremes in upbringing lead to arrogance in adulthood.
It is clear that if a child is raised like a prince (in the bad context of this concept), then even in adulthood he will believe that everyone owes him. However, if you go to the other extreme and constantly convince a child that he is insignificant, then the defense mechanism of the psyche will work and the child himself will begin to convince himself that his parents are wrong and in fact he is the most talented and successful. And only finding a golden mean in the matter of education can give a worthy result and raise a person who will neither humiliate himself nor elevate himself.
It is sometimes very difficult to find a middle ground. In various educational methods there is such a concept that until the age of five, a child should be “raised like a god,” that is, he is allowed everything and is not limited in anything. This allows you to avoid the appearance of various complexes and fears in the psyche. And after five years, the child, on the contrary, is placed in ascetic (within reasonable limits) conditions so that he understands certain boundaries that cannot be crossed. But at the same time, he must act not out of fear, but with an understanding of why it is impossible to act one way or another.
This, of course, is just a version and one of the methods of education, and how relevant and safe it is - the question remains open, but the method is very interesting. In any case, any excessive suppression of a child, as well as permissiveness, lead to disastrous results. Therefore, it remains to recommend sticking to the golden mean, not going to extremes and maintaining common sense.
