The law of inadequacy of mutual perception in management psychology

Can you remember a colleague who asserts his authority by shouting and putting pressure on people? Is there a complete opposite on your team - a person who always does what others want, often apologizes and very rarely expresses his opinion? If we imagine these two extremes, then “assertiveness” and “assertive behavior” will be approximately in the middle between them.

What is personal self-esteem

Have you ever felt “out of place” when you are in a new environment, or felt like you were saying the wrong thing but it was too late to back out? After such feelings, some people’s mood drops, some avoid such companies, and another group of people strives to immediately rehabilitate themselves and find a common theme.

Why do we sometimes feel insecure? It's all about self-esteem - a structural part of self-awareness. A person evaluates his character traits, position in society, behavior and capabilities. This concept is unique in its flexibility. Self-esteem can change several times even during the day. But this phenomenon is more common among teenagers and young people under 20–25 years of age.

Already in adulthood, self-esteem becomes more constant, a person either confidently behaves in society, or he has psychological problems. It is common for a person in society to evaluate his behavior and compare himself with others. In people with low self-esteem, this trait is especially pronounced and entails self-criticism.

With adequate self-esteem, comparison and self-evaluation are not in the main place; such a person does not constantly seek the approval of others. He can compare himself in order to change in something or emphasize his strengths. Of course, we like confident people, but how to learn to love yourself so that others will love you too is a rather difficult question.

Self-esteem! Shifting the emphasis - from ourselves to others

Historically, a person with a visual vector could not protect himself. He was not a warrior or a hunter. And his survival depended entirely on other people's assessment of his usefulness. Therefore, the audience learned to be useful, they learned to serve people. Thanks to them, culture and art, compassion and love arose in our civilization.

For example, you can do a very simple action, and the issue of self-esteem in itself ceases to bother you. Shift the focus from yourself to others. When speaking, think not about what they will think of me, but about how to better and more clearly tell them the content of my speech. When communicating with a person, think not about how to please him, but about what he needs to be happy.

The very concept of self-esteem loops our perception on ourselves. And our task is to get out of ourselves, learn to think about others, see and understand others. When a person is in grief, I run and help him. What difference does it make to my self-esteem?!

But when I need help, and I’m embarrassed to ask for it, I explain this to myself by saying that I have low self-esteem, but in fact, I’m afraid that they will refuse me, and I won’t stand it. What does self-esteem have to do with it?! When the world is scary and incomprehensible, when I feel out of place, I need to study myself and the world, and not raise my self-esteem!

Self-Esteem Functions

This structural part of self-awareness performs very important functions for the individual. Simply put, self-esteem is like flour in a pie, it unifies and binds personality traits into a person's self-image. Therefore, such an important part of the personality performs a number of functions:

1. Self-knowledge. A person, by assessing himself, determines what he is worthy of. This is especially true for a teenager, since at this age self-image, self-respect are formed, and the individual learns to determine his own value.
2. Prognostic function. It helps a person understand what he can do in life. We can see this function in action even in a child, when he “walks on a razor’s edge,” testing the strength of the railing, scattering cereal, smearing plasticine on the floor. He determines his capabilities and the characteristics of the subject - this is already the beginning of the formation of self-esteem.
3. Protective. Appears under conditions of adequate or overestimation of oneself. Helps a person survive failures and continue to achieve victory. Why do many women not believe that they are worthy of love after a breakup? Because this function does not work with low self-esteem. Adequacy of assessment allows you to continue to value yourself even in the most difficult situations.
4. Regulatory. Determines for a person what he should do, what behavior should be. Here self-esteem and actions are connected, he strives to achieve success.

The development of the listed functions helps to believe in yourself. The result of such development should be a change in attitude towards oneself: faith in one’s capabilities, self-respect. It is possible and necessary to change your life for the better. The final goal of psychologists when working with the problem of low self-esteem is to achieve self-acceptance as a person, to love oneself in the good sense of this expression.

Affect of inadequacy

The described phenomenon is a stable negative emotional state that arises as a result of failure, failure and is characterized by ignoring the fact of the fiasco or unwillingness to accept responsibility for failure. It arises as a result of conditions that give rise to the subject’s need to preserve his incorrectly formed high self-esteem and an inflated degree of aspirations.

For an individual to admit his own insolvency means to go against the existing need to preserve his own self-esteem. However, he does not want to allow this. This gives rise to an inadequate response to one’s failure, which manifests itself in the form of affective behavioral reactions.

The affect of inadequacy is a kind of defensive reaction that allows one to get out of confrontation at the cost of rejecting an adequate perception of reality: the individual maintains a high degree of aspirations and inflated self-esteem, while avoiding understanding of his own inadequacy, which became the cause of failure, avoiding incipient hesitations regarding his own skills.

The affect of inadequacy may be limited to one area of ​​an individual’s aspirations, but it can be of a generalized nature, taking over the subject’s entire personality. Children in the described state are characterized by distrust, aggressiveness, resentment, suspicion and negativism. A child's prolonged stay in such a state leads to the development of appropriate character traits.

Affective little ones are often in persistent confrontation with teaching staff and peers. Therefore, in various ways they try to compensate for their own bad positions, try to attract sympathy for their individuality and attention, thereby striving to satisfy their own claims to good positions and justify personal self-esteem. Such actions place such children in absolute subordination to the opinions of the environment, dependence on approval and evaluation by the team. Such subjugation can be expressed in two boundary manifestations: extreme compliance with group influence and negativistic resistance to group influence. In an adult, the presence of a persistent affect of inadequacy is often due to personality characteristics.

Why raise

As a rule, girls are more prone to low self-esteem. This is due to the sensitivity of girls and improper upbringing in childhood. You can often hear: “Ugh, you’re a coward!”, or parents say: “Oh, you’re shy!” These labels are reinforced by some other phrases from the boys at school. And thus the cute little girl turns into a depressed child with low self-esteem.

The same thing can happen with boys when dad tries to show his friends what a “brave guy” he is, “a brave and fast son.” Not all boys live up to these expectations, which results in disappointment for dads and low self-esteem for sons.

Such children, like a snowball, pick up other people's labels and nicknames and succeed in accumulating complexes and barriers. As adults, they pay excessive attention to the assessment of others and their approval. In this case, it is more difficult for a man, since the stronger sex is expected to be decisive, responsible and confident.

We come to the main question of the section: “Why, after all, increase self-esteem?” Adequate self-esteem opens up the opportunity for a person to feel free from human judgment, confident in making decisions, and proactive in communication and work. It is these important skills that are the basis for the development of emotional intelligence, which is very important for a successful life.

How to improve our qualities?

It is very important to evaluate yourself correctly. Success in life depends on this. The main manifestations that we underestimate ourselves are:

• uncertainty;
• the great importance of the opinions of others;
• stereotypical behavior;
• lack of independence;
• fear of public speaking.

And if you are not confident in your abilities, then it is impossible to:

• achieve career heights and success;
• be happy;
• feel harmonious in your personal life;
• to be recognized by the people who surround us.

Often, low self-esteem can become a huge invisible barrier on the path of life, but invisible. We are constantly faced with one kind of assessment or another in our lives. Every day actions, appearance, behavior and so on are assessed. And there is a certain standard for comparison, defined in each case, embedded in the subconscious from childhood. As a result, we get an attitude towards real things, actions, events, and the formation of a subjective opinion. And the initial impression thus created in the subconscious is simply supplemented with new details in the future. The same thing happens to a person in relation to himself.

Verdicts and words of people significant to us (parents, teachers, friends, etc.) greatly influence the achievement of goals and success in the future. How can you grow up to be a self-confident person if every day as a child you hear the words “bungler”, “stupid”, “clumsy”, etc. addressed to you? This is a direct road to low self-esteem. And it is difficult for such people to become responsible, proactive individuals. And without this it is difficult to achieve success in any endeavor. And recognition by others helps to raise self-esteem, as well as self-confidence that he can cope with solving the problem.

Set of reasons for low self-esteem

There are many reasons why a person’s self-esteem decreases. In most cases they come from our childhood. Initially, the baby is born with a normal level of this quality. When he tries to do something, he does not have a single thought about the impossibility or whether he is worthy of it. His pure consciousness has not yet been polluted by the material world. But over time, everything changes. A person begins to think that he is no longer worthy of certain benefits, he is not sure that he will complete the task successfully, etc.

Why? While the child is not able to evaluate himself adequately, this happens by assessing his immediate environment through his attitude towards it. But even in adolescence and adulthood, there are situations that can worsen the level of self-esteem and make a person less confident in his own abilities. He develops a fear of evaluation.

Main reasons:

• improper upbringing in the family;
• persecution by failures;
• stressful living environment;
• depression;
• frequent dismissals from work;
• parting with loved ones and others.

The result of all this is that a person considers himself to be someone who has not earned certain benefits and is not worthy of them, despite the different opinions of others. It can be difficult to improve your self-esteem and confidence levels. Therefore, a lot of attention is paid to such an important issue; various methods, trainings, and exercises continue to be developed to help individuals begin to more adequately evaluate themselves and feel more confident.

Psychology tips

A few tips from psychologists will help you raise your self-esteem.

• To realize your worth, you need to find a suitable activity, hobby, environment for yourself.
• Any problems in a relationship require discussion, which helps reduce fear of loss.
• A person with low self-esteem must understand and realize that there is no “normality”. And there are important things for each individual in a specific situation.
• The first step in improving the quality of assessment is recognizing the need. Don't judge yourself, but analyze your behavior.
• It is necessary to communicate with others, to be open and sincere in order to overcome the feeling of loneliness. This is a chance for personal development, and this helps to increase self-confidence.
• You need to work with your flexibility, acute reaction to certain situations. Awareness of the essence, reasons and conscious changes in habits help to become more flexible.
• Analysis and objective assessment of your surroundings will allow you to understand what kind of people you want to see next to you. A strong personality with an adequate assessment of his potential needs the participation of people close to him in his life.
• It is worth analyzing the loyalty of the relationship. A person who does not deserve our loyalty usually strongly criticizes everything we do. But we shouldn't pay to support other people. Every person is valuable in himself. There is no need to devalue yourself by staying close to such critics.
• Each person will feel more confident if they can solve the assigned tasks. Simple or complex, but definitely doable. If a person manages to do this, he is worthy of success and encouragement. No, it doesn’t matter, you can’t despair and empty yourself. You need to switch to a new task.

How to become more confident: several ways to increase our self-esteem

Let's consider a number of ways that can increase self-esteem:

• do everything step by step - your life will not change quickly, you need to determine the steps of change, do not rush to conclusions and be patient;
• surround yourself with positive people - it is difficult to have normal self-esteem in an environment of criticism, it is better to limit such communication;
• you should stop engaging in self-criticism - talking to yourself should be the same as with your best friend, you definitely won’t evaluate and condemn him in the same way;
• praise and reward - any useful work should be properly rewarded;
• your own mistake is a valuable lesson - you shouldn’t engage in self-criticism in case of a mistake, because it can teach you something important, you need to learn and move on;
• yoga and meditation - helps to establish a connection between the mind and the body, and therefore understand what will make you happier people;
• visualization exercise - imagining yourself as who you want to become, positive emotions from this can help you feel more confident, visualization is recommended every day;
• patience and perseverance - any barrier, obstacle on the way can force you to give up and retreat, but you need to pull yourself together and not pay attention to obstacles, go only forward towards the intended targets, because only the patient and persistent achieve success, and this increases self-esteem;
• you cannot compare yourself with others - each person is unique, everyone has their own paths, trials and battles, and only by understanding this can you feel more confident;
• take a more positive look at the world - difficult, but doable, because the negative thoughts of a person with low self-esteem, which consume a lot of energy and time, can be turned into a positive one by realizing your actions and all the obstacles you have overcome;
• volunteering - you will begin to value yourself more by helping other people selflessly, your energy and time will be spent on useful things;
• personal growth, constant learning of new skills - such baggage is priceless, it is power that will increase your value;
• challenging yourself is easy when you go with the flow, but if there is no need to make an effort, then a person loses his tone, and a challenge forces him to grow and develop, and therefore to be more self-confident;
• Learning something positive from your comrades and loved ones helps you become a better person using worthy examples from life.

Tests to determine the level of self-esteem

Of course, having learned about the importance of self-esteem in life, I want to quickly find out its level in myself! And you can do this without even leaving home. Psychology is a convenient science; you can find out about your problems on your own, but you often have to solve them with the help of a specialist.

So how do you know what your self-esteem is? Listed below are the main tests that you can safely use for psychological diagnosis.

1. “How is your self-esteem?” The test was compiled by psychologist Morris Rosenberg and is often used to determine this characteristic. This method gives a concise answer, identifying low, medium or high. It can be called an express test, since it has only 10 questions.
2. Test questionnaire “Determining the level of self-esteem.” The method developed by S. V. Kovalev allows you to determine your attitude towards yourself using 32 statements. You need to answer on a scale from 0 to 4, where 4 means very often, 0 means never. At the end of the test you will see your strengths and weaknesses.
3. “Test to identify the level of self-esteem.” The technique can also be classified as an express test, since it contains 10 questions. You must answer them by choosing the appropriate letter, which has its own score. Then you need to calculate the scores and determine what range your value falls into.
4. “Assessment of the level of Gerbachevsky’s claims.” You read above that the structure of self-esteem includes the level of aspirations. The test helps determine how you assess your capabilities in achieving your goal. Here you can also see the motivation to complete a specific task. But this test should be taken when you are doing any job or task.
5. Determining the level of claims - “Schwarzlander Test”. It involves walking with an observer who will watch a stopwatch. It is better to take the test with a psychologist. This method helps determine how you evaluate yourself, whether you achieve success or give up at the slightest difficulties. The test indirectly diagnoses self-esteem.

Inadequacy and methods of dealing with it

What is inadequacy? First, let's consider what we mean by inadequacy. We understand by this that a person’s behavior and his claims, intentions and plans go beyond the framework of generally accepted norms, elementary common sense, beyond the framework of behavior that is natural to achieve an optimal result that is mutually beneficial for the people involved in the interaction. At the same time, the exit is conscious, obvious and conditioned by one’s own motives. Inadequacy differs from irrationality in that an unreasonable person makes mistakes and acts incorrectly due to delusions, misunderstanding of things, distortion of ideas by some irrational, but well-defined motives, i.e. his actions are incorrect, but explainable, while an inadequate person commits unacceptable and abnormal actions on purpose, realizing this. Inappropriate behavior violates agreements, or intuitively implied mutually beneficial methods of interaction, interferes with the normal functioning of society and leads to tension and conflict. Acting inappropriately, a person consciously tries to break or deform the norms of society in his favor in order to receive from this one or another benefit, material or psychological.

For example, when several people stand in line and someone pushes them aside and tries to buy a product first, this is inappropriate because it contradicts the implied rules of behavior. Also, inadequacy is, for example, when a teacher begins to extort a bribe from a student in order to give a test, when on the street someone takes your mobile phone by deception or force, when at the police station they try to force you to confess to a crime that you obviously did not commit, etc. . P.

Inadequacy in modern society and features of its manifestation

Despite the fact that most people are accustomed to living in a relatively stable society, among relatively normal people, there is a lot, a lot of inadequacy in modern society. Of course, society usually does not welcome inadequacy and tries to condemn, suppress and correct it. But in certain places and during certain periods, inadequacy becomes so widespread that it completely replaces or suppresses the generally accepted norms of a healthy society. This happens, for example, during periods of war, natural disasters, unrest, when control of the situation is seized by crime, or by regimes guided by criminal ideas, such as the fascist one. Sometimes inadequate principles and manifestations dominate in society for a very long time, for example, for more than 500 years, the principles of Christianity distorted by the Catholic and Protestant churches in Western Europe served as a justification for genocide and enslavement of other peoples, and within Europe itself - for witch hunts, when almost anyone could be accused of witchcraft or heresy and burned at the stake on delusional charges. Unfortunately, inadequacy still too often takes precedence over generally accepted norms, morality and basic common sense.

What is the reason for the inadequacy? Inappropriate behavior can appear in people for various reasons. Among them may be the following.

“Teaching” inadequacy occurs when certain unnatural ideas, traditions, patterns of behavior appear that have persistent followers who, by their example, and often through direct propaganda and coercion, encourage others to accept the same unnatural, inadequate attitudes. Radical fascist, religious people can act this way etc. organizations, youth criminal groups, clans and sects. In addition, inadequacy can be forcibly instilled in a family, in some state or commercial organization where unscrupulous employees have gained the upper hand, and, in principle, in any community and team where inadequacies have been able to set the tone. When “learning”, as a rule, social norms are not denied at all, but only partially or partially deformed. At the same time, a significant stimulus for inappropriate behavior is the herd instinct, the example of other inappropriate people and the absence of sufficiently pronounced and strong opposition and counterexamples.

“Revenge” is a motive of inadequacy when a person, having been subjected to various injustices, humiliations, violation of his rights by others, comes to the denial of social norms and morality, or to their specific understanding and decides that if others can behave as they want, then he can (has the right). People who grew up or have lived for a long time in an unfavorable environment, or who are participants in various armed conflicts and confrontations (especially those that last a long time and are chronic) often come to inadequacy for similar reasons. In general, the escalation of any conflicts, if there is no force capable of resolutely stopping them and establishing order, while making fair decisions, and different warring parties set the tone, leads to gradual degradation and the abolition of moral restrictions by all their parties.

The “connivance effect” is a motive caused by the fact that people who, by duty or tradition, must be responsible for maintaining order and generally accepted norms in society, show weak character and do not demonstrate a worthy example. Most people are such that even if they are determined to behave adequately, they require constant reinforcement in this mood. If there is no such reinforcement, psychologically this is perceived as “permission” to behave inappropriately. The extent to which this motive manifests itself depends on various reasons, primarily on the extent to which society encourages people to be responsible and entrusts them with the task of independently assessing the correctness of actions (both their own and those of others), their admissibility, compliance with moral standards, and the interests of society. , common sense. If this task is largely entrusted not to individuals, but to “controllers” - the state, party, church, etc., then a sharp removal or weakening of such control can lead to the most disastrous consequences.

“Ambition” is a motive associated with the fact that a person consciously puts himself above others and has a disdainful attitude towards society. Such a motive can be justified by views such as “life is a struggle for existence” and “who is stronger is right,” or not justified at all. This motive is often formed by those who notice that the weak can be suppressed for their own benefit, without encountering adequate opposition (neither from them nor from society). Quite a few of these people appear in the environment of organized crime or among those vested with significant powers of power and status (very rich, famous, etc.). Most people prefer not to get involved with people who are too arrogant, aggressive, or “cool,” which only encourages inappropriate people.

“Forced reaction” is a motive associated with the situational manifestation of an inadequate reaction, when a person does not see the right, “legal” from the point of view of morality and generally accepted norms of exit in order to suppress evil, injustice, etc. This is the most difficult case when the person himself In a normal situation, he may have high intelligence, moral principles, etc., but at a certain moment, instead of the optimal way to counteract evil and other inadequacies, he may choose a radical one, sharply “going too far.” A typical example is Marvin Heemeyer, who bulldozed part of a city after being cornered by the corporation and local authorities. Despite the fact that such inadequacy is situational, it can be guided by the conviction that the end justifies the means, and that in an imperfect society it is impossible to act differently, it will not be possible to resist evil differently. Unfortunately, society is such that decisive and tough opposition to many inadequate people is necessary, and even if it is weak and insufficient, there will be those who blame not the evil itself, but those who fight it, finding in their actions a formal violation of moral norms. However, almost all the forces that had a positive, progressive influence on the development of society often acted too radically, too cruelly, too much (though there were no less examples when it was “not bent”, and this also led to disastrous consequences) . One way or another, reasonable people, when attacking inadequate people, must still try to act correctly and proportionately, and not allow “excesses” in their actions.

As I have already noted, most people still condemn inadequacy and strive to resist it. Why is there so much, so much inadequacy? The main reason is that due to the unreasonableness of the majority and their tendency towards emotional thinking, inadequate people can easily manipulate public opinion. Inadequate people are capable of using a lot of tricks that can denigrate honest people and present themselves in a better light in order to induce the majority of society to either help themselves, or at least stand aside, while they deal with the few who still try to help them. resist. For example, the leader of the Chicago mafia, Al Capone, called “enemy number one” by the American police, committed murders with impunity for many years, including personally in front of many witnesses, but created for himself the image of a respectable, influential businessman helping the poor, and everything went well for him from hand In the end, he was convicted only of tax evasion. Emotionally minded people are not able to identify inadequacy in its pure form in the world around them and evaluate it in order to then counteract it. As a rule, some manifestation of inadequacy, some inadequate strength in their perception appears as a combination of positive and negative traits, while they cannot correctly compare them, highlight the main and secondary essence, and often, attracted by secondary positive traits, they support the inadequate manifestation or strength, or they do not act when they need to resist, which leads to disastrous consequences.

Exaggerating positive traits in their actions, intentions and plans, and exaggerating negative ones (real or imaginary) in their opponents, inadequate people often present the forced advancement of evil as a struggle after evil. Very indicative and clear in this regard, for example, is the history of the Nazis coming to power in Germany, and then Hitler unleashing the Second World War. Many people saw the Nazis as allies to solve some problems, not considering them too dangerous and not wanting to see their true essence and intentions. Thus, they opened the way for them to power and easy conquests, when this party, which was initially a very insignificant force, step by step eliminated its opponents and realized its ambitions. In the same way, today many blind people do not want to see the danger in the actions of the United States, which covers up its aggressive plans with the struggle for freedom and democracy, and its true goals - the desire for world domination.

Reaction to inadequacy and methods of struggle

In modern society, where many inadequacies are organized, enjoy the patronage of the authorities, and the majority are blind and unreasonable, it is often very difficult to fight inadequacy. Let us still consider the basic principles of combating inadequacy and the problems that arise in this case.

The problems may be, for example, the following: 1) You are weak, and inadequate people are strong. 2) Society is not ready to support you and generally perceives the situation incorrectly. 3) You find it difficult to determine the boundary between unreasonableness and inadequacy in the behavior of inadequate people - either they consciously and consistently act inappropriately, which means they need to be firmly opposed, or their actions are the result of stupidity and misunderstanding and they can be reasoned with, explained, and come to an agreement with them. 4) You don’t see an acceptable, “legal”, but at the same time, effective way to counteract inadequate people; only extreme radical measures come to mind.

Principles.

1) Inadequacy must be fought. Of course, this is obvious, but nuances arise that lead to the fact that many, if not the majority, seeing inadequacy, do not even try to fight it. This stems, moreover, most often not from fear, indecision, etc., but from the illusion that inadequacy is not dangerous and too minor, that it will go away on its own over time, or for the reason that the rest will do good deeds, set a positive example, improve society, and the inadequate ones, seeing this, will also correct themselves. And this illusion is very widespread in society. However, not dealing with inadequacy is a very bad idea.

Of course, it happens that someone who behaves inappropriately, after some time, repents, corrects himself, and realizes the wrongness of his previous behavior. But this happens when the rudiments of rationality and common sense already exist in a person and potentially they prevail over defects. The correct reaction to inadequacy will only help such a person to improve faster; perhaps even a one-time correct reaction will be enough to cure him. The main thing is that such a reaction is accompanied by the right message, helping a person to realize the inappropriateness, incorrectness, and inadequacy of his behavior, and to question those ideas based on which he behaves inappropriately. In addition, one can easily make the mistake of mistaking inadequacy for simply stupidity, ostentatious tomfoolery, which will go away on its own. It is more correct to proceed from the principle “if a person behaves as if he is inadequate, then he is actually inadequate.”

But very often the opposite is true. Without receiving the proper reaction, a person becomes convinced of the effectiveness of inappropriate behavior. Without suppressing inadequacy in the bud, we get inadequacy in the future in a more obvious, neglected, difficult to eradicate form, to suppress which we will have to make much more effort. In addition, by not giving one inadequate person a blow, we can thereby encourage other unstable individuals to follow his example.

In addition, it very often happens that an inadequate person, who was not corrected in time, begins to feel the limits of the permissibility of his inadequacy. At the same time, as long as he sees the threat of an open clash with society, he does not cross this line, but as soon as the opportunity arises to “prove” himself, due to the fall of some restrictions, the inadequate breaks loose. Thus, a total and irreconcilable fight against inadequacy is also necessary to prevent the accumulation of a hidden threat in society.

2) Inadequacy must be fought decisively and to the end. The only thing worse than no response to inappropriate behavior is a weak, ineffective and clearly indecisive response. It can only motivate an inadequate person to increase the degree of inadequacy, increase pressure in order to break your resistance. Episodic and uncertain opposition from society is more likely to lead an inadequate person not to the idea that he needs to stop spoiling society, but to the idea that he needs to achieve his goal more decisively and effectively.

So, what should the ideal reaction be? Firstly, it is unambiguous, clear and hits the right point. Of course, it is not always easy to understand well enough the motives behind inappropriate manifestations. But it is advisable to try to at least roughly define them and deliver a psychologically and logically precise blow, that is, to accurately formulate the essence of the inadequate manifestation that you demand to stop. For example, someone unmotivatedly insults you in a rude manner. An answer like “he’s a fool” would not be a very good option. It’s better to ask why he behaves this way and dares to insult you. An inaccurate requirement will give the inadequate person a reason to continue his inappropriate behavior, evading your claims. Secondly, the reaction must be proportionately harsh. You must make it clear to the inadequate person that you are determined and principled and are definitely not going to leave his antics just like that. Of course, in most cases, your goal is to psychologically defeat the inadequate person, force him to retreat and admit the error of his inadequate behavior. But against the most aggressive and dangerous inadequates, it is better to immediately prepare and apply measures to physically neutralize them. Thirdly, the fight against inadequacy must be carried through to the end, that is, to ensure that the inadequate person realizes his mistakes and voluntarily gives up inappropriate behavior without repeating it again, or is neutralized (if he is especially stubborn and dangerous) and physically deprived opportunities to implement it.

At the same time, it is clear that you are unlikely to be able to replace law enforcement agencies and chase after every inappropriate person you come across in order to correct him; only a society that purposefully pursues an appropriate policy can systematically and consistently combat inadequacy and successfully eradicate it.

3) You need to competently attract society to your side. As already written above, there are reasons why society does not counteract inadequacy and even supports it. You must, taking into account these features, competently attract society to your side, and deprive the inadequate ones of support. You must isolate inadequacy from some more general manifestations, separate it and focus on it, concentrating the attention of society on it. If the inadequates have significant support, it is necessary to propose solutions that preserve the positive aspects in the behavior of the inadequates and their plans, but remove the negative ones. If inadequate people insist on their own, this will show everyone that positive traits are secondary, and all their activity is aimed at implementing the negative part of the program. Patiently and consistently demand condemnation of the inadequacy you have identified and the agreement of the entire normal part of society with the need to suppress it.

Another method that can be used is the escalation and escalation of the situation in which there is a manifestation of inadequacy in order to attract the attention of society, as well as to ensure that inappropriate manifestations and the negative consequences to which they lead, the fact of their contradiction to the interests of society and their unacceptable behavior has become more visible to society. This, of course, is worth doing if you are sure that the healthy part of society will organize and rise up to suppress inadequacy, or, for example, the authorities will intervene and will not be able to ignore public opinion and not take action.

Precedents largely influence how at ease the inadequate will feel. If a case (or even more so, several cases) of inappropriate behavior that has become widely known is not stopped, this actually sends a signal that such behavior is acceptable. It stimulates such manifestations of inadequate people, and demoralizes normal people and instills doubts in the need to counteract inadequate ones. On the contrary, if a certain case became known when inappropriate behavior was decisively suppressed, this instills uncertainty in inappropriate people and determination in normal people. To create such precedents of the second type, you can use suitable cases, and it is advisable not to ignore the precedents of the first type and not allow them to play into the hands of inadequate ones. In general, if possible, especially in the case of massive inappropriate manifestations, it is necessary to seek to delegitimize inadequacy and introduce into the public consciousness the idea of ​​the decisive inadmissibility of such inappropriate manifestations.

4) We need to wage war on inadequacy in general. Inadequacy will always be a threat to society, so you always need to prepare for a war with inadequacy in general and wage this war. If inadequate people do not threaten you today, this does not mean that you will not encounter them tomorrow. Therefore, it is necessary to consistently identify inadequate people, create mechanisms to combat them, unite the healthy part of society and take measures against its split. It is necessary to accumulate strength both for the physical fight against the inadequate, and for the informational and psychological struggle, so that the inadequate cannot decompose and demoralize society and use false ideas for their own purposes. At the moment, it is the inadequate ones, unfortunately, who have well mastered the methods of struggle against the healthy part of society and we can clearly see examples of their impressive victories - this is, for example, the successful US operation against the USSR, when they managed to collapse the USSR and the socialist camp, or the recent coup d'etat in Ukraine. There is no doubt that a significant part of the inadequate will not give up their ambitions and will stop at nothing, and a brutal struggle with them in the process of building a reasonable society is inevitable. ]]>Source ]]>

Reasons for low self-esteem

It is impossible to start loving yourself with a snap of your fingers. This is a process whose success lies in solving childhood problems. It is during the period of personality formation before adolescence that the foundations of self-acceptance and respect are laid. Below we will look at parental behavior that leads to low self-esteem.

Constant lack of time for the child

Parents themselves do not notice how they “football” their child to camps, to grandmothers, to clubs, to a nanny, and so on. They themselves spend a minimum of time with the child, ignoring his requests for joint games or help. This leads to the understanding of the son or daughter that they are interfering with the people closest to them.

No emotional contact

Parents do not show emotions to their baby or schoolchild: it is not customary to hug, kiss on the cheek, or share experiences and emotions during the day. There is no trusting relationship in the family; the child cannot share his feelings.

Frequent comparison

If you constantly compare your child with neighboring children, classmates, and “spread rot” on your loved one, there’s no need to guess - he will grow up to be a person who lacks self-confidence.

High requirements

Every parent, at least once in their life, succumbs to the temptation to achieve an unrealized dream through their child. When you put forward high demands, unattainable standards, this leads to the fact that a small person fits himself into other people's templates, lives someone else's life, never achieving happiness. The man is stated to be a failure.

Ridicule

Often in families, physical disabilities and illnesses of the child are targeted as jokes. Sometimes he faces ridicule at school, when communicating with other children. If there is no support from understanding parents, the individual will rate himself low.

Family problems

If loving parents knew how problems in the family affect the child’s psyche, they would make every effort to avoid divorce, alcohol or drug addiction, and frequent conflicts. A child in a family with problems develops a feeling of guilt; he subconsciously considers himself to blame for what is happening around him.

The inability to adequately evaluate oneself does not appear in adulthood if childhood was happy. By the way, high self-esteem is the other side of low self-esteem. Boasting, arrogance, aggressiveness are masks with the help of which a person tries to adapt in society - these are means of self-defense. Excessive suspiciousness about oneself only shows that inside a person is a frightened child.

Consultation “Building confident behavior and increasing self-esteem”

Taisya Sagalakova

Consultation “Building confident behavior and increasing self-esteem”

Consultation

“ Building confident behavior , increasing self-esteem ”

Children's assessment and self-esteem are formed only when the child communicates with other people. Already the child’s first conscious active manifestations receive evaluations from surrounding adults in the form of censure or encouragement. Later, when performing any action, the child hears every now and then: “this is good”

,
“this is bad”
,
“this cannot be done”
. The entire mental life of a child develops under the influence of the assessments of others; Every new experience, new knowledge, skill acquired by a child is evaluated by others. And soon the child himself begins to seek evaluation of his actions, reinforcement of the correctness or incorrectness of the reality he perceives.

Children raised in kindergarten have a fairly high level of assessment and self-esteem . This is understandable: their activities, their skills, their actions are directed and organized by a teacher who objectively evaluates the children’s activities, compares their actions and skills, showing the best and worst with examples. samples, thereby instilling in children the desire to compare themselves with others and evaluate.

Of course, the teacher’s assessment of the children’s qualities and skills plays a big role in the formation of children’s assessments and self-esteem . However, one cannot ignore other factors - the assessment of the child by his family and peers.

Children with high self-esteem feel more confident , bolder in the group, more actively express their interests and abilities, and set higher goals for themselves than those who, other things being equal, have low self-esteem . However, there is another extreme - excessively inflated self-esteem , which can lead to arrogance and aggressiveness.

A child’s popularity in a group and his overall self-esteem depend primarily on the success he achieves in joint activities with children. Therefore, if you ensure success in activities for inactive children who are not very popular among children, this can lead to a change in their position and become an effective means of normalizing their relationships with peers, increasing their self-esteem , self-confidence , and increasing self-esteem in a group of peers.

Game "Bunnies and Elephants"

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Target. The opportunity to feel strong and courageous, increasing self-esteem .

The presenter says: “Guys, I want to offer you a game called “Bunnies and Elephants.” At first, you and I will be little bunnies. Tell me, what does the hare do when he feels danger? That's right, he's shaking. Show him how he shakes. He purses his ears, shrinks all over, tries to become small and unnoticeable, his tail and paws shake, etc.” Children show.

“Show me what bunnies do if they hear a person’s steps?”

Children scatter around the group, class, hide, etc.
“What do bunnies do if they see a wolf?”
The adult plays with the children for a few minutes.

“And now you and I will be elephants, big, strong, brave. Show how calmly, measuredly, majestically and fearlessly elephants walk. What do elephants do when they see a person? Are they afraid of him? No. They are friends with him and, when they see him, they calmly continue on their way. Show me how. Show what elephants do when they see a tiger." Children pretend to be fearless elephants for a few minutes.

Reflection: Who did they prefer to be and why?

How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence: advice from a psychologist

You can give yourself confidence and increase self-esteem. To do this, you need to use simple advice from a psychologist. I will describe below 8 effective ways to independently change your attitude towards yourself for the better.

Notice the best in yourself

Among the mud, gold miners find small particles of precious metal. Every person is a unique jewel. If you only see yourself in a negative light, try to find the unique gold within yourself, like the specialists who search for this precious metal. If it doesn’t work out, remember your successes in school, work, communication, and make a list of them.

Developing the positive aspects you discover in yourself will help you overcome your inferiority complex. For example, if you remember well, you can learn foreign languages. You can emphasize your physical features if you consider them an advantage. But it shouldn’t look flashy and vulgar.

Get rid of what you don't like

I'm not talking about physical disabilities. On the contrary, over time you will turn them into your advantages - a business card, one might say. Have you noticed that you get up late and don’t get a lot done? It's time to work hard and develop the habit of waking up early. By the way, this is very useful for the functioning of all organs, and another secret: to get up early, you need to go to bed early!

Developing willpower by getting rid of your weaknesses will allow you not to be afraid of people. You can highlight your achievement on occasion. After all, one of the life hacks of confident people is to develop good habits and get rid of those that interfere with life. Compiling affirmations will help eradicate annoying traits or habits.

Ignore evil tongues

People may not always understand and accept us. But this is not a reason to oppress yourself and lower your self-esteem. There is not a single person who could live your life and understand you completely, so try to ignore tactless remarks addressed to you, malicious and sarcastic jokes, jokes, chuckles, whispers behind your back.

There is a wonderful phrase: “If you hear an evil whisper behind you, rejoice - you are ahead.” Excessive dependence on the opinions of other people, even relatives, will force you to live someone else's life.

Free yourself from any kind of criticism

In comparison, the negative pulls the shoe back like tar as the body moves into the future. This is exactly what happens with criticism. If it is directed at oneself, it leads to self-humiliation; the person hits himself below the belt.

Criticism directed at others will also not bring you anything good. Tune in to the positive, try to smile more, within reasonable limits, of course. Try to look for positive aspects in any events, to relate to some things more simply.

For women only: find a new hobby

Women in relationships with men often suffer from low self-esteem. Basically, this attitude is based on non-acceptance of one’s appearance. To perceive yourself adequately, find some hobby, for example, take up handicrafts and discuss this topic on forums, grow flowers, pay attention to sports. Employment and development have a positive impact on self-perception.

Comparison with others is harmful to your health

Stopping being a shy person is actually not difficult. When we compare ourselves with other people, this is especially true for teenage girls, we unwittingly draw ourselves into a state of shyness if suddenly the interlocutor is more successful in some way.

To avoid ruining your own life, stop comparing yourself to another person. Think back to yourself a few years ago, analyze what you have achieved. Compare yourself with yourself yesterday, the day before yesterday, to motivate yourself to achieve more.

Face the truth when making your plans

Often you fail to achieve something due to an incorrect assessment of your strengths, capabilities and time. This spoils your mood, and you begin to scold yourself for your failure. You can start respecting yourself small - make a small to-do list. If you still can’t cope, look at which point in the plan causes the most difficulty and adjust it.

Praise is the best support

The best thing you can do for yourself is encouragement. Praise yourself for small and big victories. Today we prepared a delicious dinner - an excellent hostess, negotiated without problems - you can treat yourself to something tasty (but don’t overdo it with tasty things - later you will be rewarded for working out at the gym).

How to increase self-esteem? Getting rid of fear

There are such special people, their psyche is most sensitive to everything that happens around them. Their self-esteem can be affected by a casual word thrown by a stranger; even disapproving glances from other people can cause fear. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan recognizes such people as people with a visual vector. Their innate emotionality makes their self-esteem very vulnerable to the opinions of other people, to their own mood swings, to fear of failure, and even to simple inattention.

They want to be noticed, but are afraid of attention; they want to communicate, but others hurt them too deeply. Such people think that it's all about low self-esteem and lack of confidence. They are afraid of other people, and really only think about themselves, about how they look in other people's eyes, what they said and what others thought about them. Such people most often want to improve their low self-esteem. But you can get rid of this fear only through understanding your own nature and the nature of other people.

Practical exercises to improve self-esteem

You can reinforce the above tips with the following exercises:

• periodically update your wardrobe to look impressive;
• in front of the mirror, remind yourself how “most charming and attractive” you are;
• record positive emotions for the day in your diary;
• stop envying others: so what if your girlfriend went to the islands for the weekend, so what if the “gray mouse” from the office has a hidden superman. By being upset about this, you compare yourself again;
• in a conversation with a person you are embarrassed about, imagine that you are a popular actress and conduct the dialogue as if on her behalf;
• pause for 10 seconds (that’s how long the first impression of a person lasts) when you meet, then amaze your interlocutor with a radiant smile, wit, broad outlook or other advantages.

ImproveManage

The law of inadequacy of self-esteem takes into account that the human psyche is an organic unity of two components: conscious (logical-mental) and unconscious (emotional-sensual, intuitive), constituting, as it were, the surface (visible) and underwater (hidden) parts of the iceberg.

The law of splitting the meaning of management information takes into account the objective tendency to change the meaning of directive and other information in the process of its movement along the hierarchical management ladder. This is explained both by the allegorical capabilities of the “clerical” language of information used, which leads to differences in its interpretation, and by differences in education, intellectual development, and mental state of the participants in the transmission and analysis of information. Changes in the meaning of information are directly proportional to the length (number of participants) of the information channel.

The law of self-preservation states that the leading motive of an individual’s social behavior in management activities is the preservation of his personal social status, his personal viability, and self-esteem.

The law of compensation states that with a high level of stimulation to work and high demands of the organizational environment on a person, the lack of any abilities for successful specific activities is compensated by other abilities or skills. Such a compensatory mechanism often works unconsciously; a person gains his personal experience through trial and error. However, it should be borne in mind that at a sufficiently high level of complexity of management activities, this law is practically not applicable.

A number of other laws are known (for example, Parkinson’s law, Peter’s principles, Murphy’s laws and others), expanding and supplementing the stated laws [50; 172].

Recognizing the fact that the main provisions of modern management psychology were substantiated by Western schools of psychology, it is necessary to note the contribution of Russian science to this most important area of ​​human relations. Thus, there are four main theories of personality in Russian psychology [69; 368]: theory of relations - A.F. Lazursky (1874-1917), V.N. Myasishchev (1892-1973); theory of activity - L.S. Vygotsky (1896-1934), A.N. Leontyev (1903-1979); theory of communication - B.F., Lomov (1927-1989), A.A. Bodalev, K.A. Abulkhanova-Slavskaya; attitude theory - D.N. Uznadze (1886-1950), A.S. Prangishvili.

The theory of moral teaching or the behavioral school of I.P. is generally accepted. Pavlov and the developments of a number of other Soviet and Russian scientists.

Practical management psychology has a wide range of research methods, including such [62;312]:

— observational (observation and self-observation);

— experiment (laboratory, natural and formative);

— praximical (analysis of the process and results of labor activity, chronometry, cyclography of labor actions, professionography);

— biographical (analysis of events, facts, dates of life);

— psychodiagnostics (conversations, tests, questionnaires, interviews, sociometry, expert assessments).

Psychodiagnostics is a field of psychology that develops methods for identifying individual characteristics and prospects for personal development - the science and practice of making a psychological diagnosis in order to solve psychological problems.

Sociological methods make it possible to assess the place and purpose of employees in a team, identify informal leaders and provide them with support, use staff motivation to achieve the final result of work, ensure effective communications and prevent interpersonal conflicts. Sociological management methods include: social planning, sociological research, assessment of personal qualities, morality, partnership, competition, conflict management.

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How to cure self-esteem with useful books

The works of eminent psychologists can help raise self-esteem. Pay attention to these books:

1. Melanie Fennel "How to Boost Your Self-Esteem."
2. Mikhail Labkovsky “I want and I will.” Accept yourself, love life and become happy” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
3. Nikolay Kozlov “How to treat yourself and people” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
4. Joseph Murphy “How to become confident and increase self-esteem” (paper version on labirint.ru).
5. Vladimir Levi “The art of being yourself.”

In addition to printed or e-books, use audiobooks.

Causes of self-doubt

The reasons for low assessment of yourself and your abilities can be different, let's look at the most common ones.

The severity of past mistakes

If a person has experienced a traumatic situation and identified it as a major failure, this can negatively affect his attitude towards himself in the future. Getting fired from a job, breaking up with a loved one, losing in a competition - these and other events can be approached in completely different ways. Don't dwell on defeats and failures, don't let them interfere with your new victories.

Major success in the past

There is also the opposite situation - you have achieved great heights, and now you are afraid that you will not be able to repeat the success, not to mention surpass yourself.

Major success, like major failure, is a relative concept, and is determined by the circumstances of life and your attitude to the situation. A girl who is a medal winner and honors diploma student, coming to her first job, can quickly lose self-confidence when faced with the fact that in practice everything is different, and she cannot grab the usual stars from the sky.

Adult attitude

Dissatisfied parents, picky teachers - not everyone is lucky enough to have understanding, sympathetic adults in their childhood. But you are no longer a child, and even if you were scolded or criticized unfairly, you can now treat yourself differently.

A radical change in life circumstances

Moving to another country, getting a promotion, having a child - such major changes, as a rule, require from us a lot of knowledge, skills and qualities that we do not yet have.

Give yourself time to adapt and learn, and don't be afraid to ask for help. Remind yourself that you cannot be less than one hundred percent prepared for life.

We asked psychologist and PhD candidate Konstantin Klein about the problem of self-confidence and the reasons for low self-esteem.

Konstantin Klein, psychologist

“Research at the end of the 20th century revealed that, firstly, self-esteem and parenting style are connected, and secondly, the latter directly affects the former. Children who receive acceptance, care, interest, and recognition from their parents demonstrate higher levels of self-esteem than those who are humiliated, uninterested, and ignored in their relationships with their parents. Accordingly, the roots of low self-esteem often lie in the relationship between the child and parents. Since a child is born without understanding what he is like, parents are the main figures reflecting his significance or insignificance.

There are 3 simple ways to increase self-esteem - where to start working independently on self-perception:

First, replace self-criticism with empathy. This means, instead of saying “Well, I’m a fool,” “I could have done better,” “I screwed up again,” “I can’t do anything,” say supportive words to yourself. For example: “It’s okay to make mistakes, you are still valuable. I love you". At this moment, you can put your hand on the part of the body where you feel most vulnerable and insignificant and make stroking movements. It's like you're petting your little self.

Secondly, protect yourself from the devaluing words of loved ones and others. “You’re fat,” “you’re selfish,” “stupid”—all of this can be said openly: “I don’t accept your words. I disagree".

Third, set realistic goals and don't demand perfection from yourself. Good enough is also a valuable result.

You can increase your self-esteem and gain self-confidence at any age. But the sooner a person deals with this problem, the better. According to Pamela Levine's theory, adolescence is the most successful age for personal change. During this period, a person begins to relive the early stages of psychological development at an accelerated pace and, if he has problems with self-esteem, may reconsider early decisions about what he is like.”

How to increase your self-esteem with training

You can read many books and articles about motivation, but it’s better to take an online course or training once. Learning from a person who has walked this path will help you believe in yourself and achieve what exactly you want in this life. Under no circumstances should you listen to amateurs who shout at every corner: “Pay me and you’ll get rich!”

For me, such a person is Pavel Volya.

His online course “Improver Express” will teach 3 main things: initiative, action and efficiency.

The training consists of 23 chips. It was they who helped Volya turn from a simple beggar Penza guy into the highest paid presenter of the TNT channel and my favorite stand-up comedian. According to Forbes magazine, Pavel earns $2.5 million annually.

The course is suitable for both men and women from 16 years of age.

How the training will take place:

1. You receive theory and practical assignment.
2. Do it.
3. If you did it right, move on to the next one.

If you don’t mess around and do all your homework responsibly, then pleasant changes await you: at work, in your personal life, with relatives and friends. This will lead to more money, connections and success.

Cost – 15,000 rubles. with access forever, but there is also the opportunity to take the course for 3,000 rubles.

If within 2 weeks you decide that the course is not suitable for you, your money will be returned.

After registering for training, a girl from Pavel’s team will contact you and answer all your questions regarding the training. You will discuss payment terms with her.

Also in this article you will find reviews of all courses of the “Willpower” project from Pavel and Laysan Utyasheva.

Signs of inadequacy

There are many signs of inadequacy, but they must be considered comprehensively. Individuals should not be labeled as inadequate if they discover only one of the following manifestations.

The state of inadequacy is expressed in the following actions. And above all, it is found in unpredictable mood changes of a polar nature (a bad mood is replaced by euphoria, a good mood is replaced by a bad one), unexpected reactions to people (excessively impulsive behavior). The facial expressions and gestures of an individual in the described state do not correspond to what is happening. Such subjects are characterized by excessive theatricality, fussiness, excessive gesticulation, or, on the contrary, unnatural calm, inappropriate to the situation, a frozen, unblinking gaze directly into the eyes of the interlocutor.

An inadequate person tends to interrupt those talking, does not listen enough to their arguments and judgments, may not listen to others at all, or voice his own opinion off topic. Peremptory statements often slip through. Individuals in a state of inadequacy often express opinions that are completely inappropriate. They can take the subject of conversation into a completely different direction. They chat more about themselves. Their speech is filled with swear words, rude expressions, and slang phrases. In addition, they can demonstratively use abstruse sentences in ordinary everyday conversation.

In appearance, there is an inappropriate selection of clothing, a style that is inappropriate for the event or setting, pretentious or provocative outfits. The appearance also undergoes changes: brightly colored curls, an unusual hairstyle, provocative makeup. Among the sons of Adam, inadequacy manifests itself in excessive piercings, “tunnels” in the ears, many tattoos, and scarring.

Inadequate people tend to take with hostility any judgments and ideas of their opponents during a conversation, regardless of their reasoning and logic. They are also characterized by increased sensitivity, inadequate reaction to friendly teasing, jokes, and harmless jabs.

Inappropriate behavior can be expressed in aggressiveness, suspicion, motor disinhibition, suicidal attempts or a tendency to self-harm, immoral acts, antisocial behavior, conflict, disruption of social interaction, categorical statements.