Many people are familiar with the concept of soul-searching. After some awkward situation or after a conversation with someone, a person involuntarily begins to think: “What would have happened if I had answered differently?” or “What would things have been like now if I had taken a risk and still done it?” Everyone has asked themselves this question at least once in their life, but if such thoughts constantly visit you, then this is no longer normal and can have a detrimental effect on both physical and mental health. In this case, it is worth thinking about how to learn to take life lightly. In this article we will look at some tips that will help you get rid of self-digging and enjoy every minute of your life.
A few tips: how to become a simple girl
As a rule, it is girls who are more prone to self-examination. It is unlikely that you will meet a young man who will sit and discuss with friends what he did, how he did it, why and what would have happened if he had acted differently. Therefore, it is girls who are in greater need of advice that will help them perceive life around them as it is, and not think about the topic “If only.”
The first thing you need to realize is that there are things in life that have happened, are happening and will happen regardless of whether you want them to happen or not. Such events include, for example, death. And advice from friends like “Forget it!”, “Everything will pass!”, “Don’t pay attention to it” will not work here. Each person himself must realize that he is unable to change anything and that what happened was what had to happen. And then it will be easier for you to accept what happened and the question “How can it be simpler?” will disappear on its own.
To perceive life more simply, it is very important not to be nervous for no reason and not to attach great importance to minor problems and troubles. There is so much going on in the modern world that it is simply unreasonable to waste your nerves and time on trivial events and minor failures. In this case, it is important to simply accept what happened and learn from it, which will help you avoid the same mistakes in the future. In search of an answer to the question “How to become simpler?” It is important to approach everything in life philosophically.
Closed people: what are they like?
It is very important to understand that closure can be:
- habitual;
- neurotic.
In the first case, a person behaves simply because he is used to it or has been taught to do so. He does this automatically, without thinking about any causes or possible consequences. If desired, such a person can quite easily move to a completely different line of behavior.
It’s a completely different matter for neurotically closed people who could, on the contrary, have received an “open” upbringing (and most often this happens), but having experienced some kind of mental trauma associated with other people, they began to be afraid of relationships. It would seem that all traces of the experience have already passed, but the sediment that has settled deep in the soul forces them to be constantly squeezed.
Periodically, tension breaks through the dam, but after that the person begins to reproach himself for a moment of weakness and again closes himself in his shell. Moreover, such breakthroughs are not always moments of openness, expressed in the form of negativity:
- swearing;
- accusations;
- a stream of not always adequate criticism;
- violence, etc.
Four simple tips to become a simple person
Many people often hear the phrase “keep it simple,” but what does that really mean? For different people, different degrees of this “simpler” were acceptable. For a famous movie star, this means having dinner in an ordinary cafe; for a popular millionaire, this means wearing ordinary clothes and walking around the city on foot, and not in an expensive car. Therefore, when you hear the famous phrase “be simpler, and people will be drawn to you,” the question involuntarily arises: how to become a simple and open person to whom everyone is drawn? After all, often people who say this phrase do not give any advice on how exactly to do this.
How to deal with closed people?
The easiest way, of course, is to bypass them, but if you need to reveal such a person, you should first of all understand that this should under no circumstances be done forcibly. Recommendations in the style: “Relax, don’t worry” and the like are the worst thing you can do, since they only aggravate the situation. While they have a very weak effect on a habitually closed person, they make the neurotically closed person even more repressed than before.
The most effective line of behavior in this case is to demonstrate unobtrusive openness on your part. It is very good to make friends with such a person with a company of friendly, open people. You shouldn't expect a person to open up right away, but after some time this almost always happens.
It is important to take into account that closed people often have a difficult character, or even are not well-mannered at all, so think in advance whether you want to become a teacher of good manners for this person. Perhaps it’s easier to leave him and his bad manners in his shell.
No to arrogance
As a rule, to become that very standard of “simplicity”, you just need to get rid of your arrogance. Every girl, thinking about how to become simple, also needs to think about her pride. Very often this is the reason why you are advised to be simpler. If you really notice a sin in yourself in the form of excessive arrogance, then you should just take a little break from yourself and spend time with the people around you. Learn to think about others, have compassion and empathy for them.
But be sure to take into account who exactly wants to make it easier for you. If these are not the most exemplary people, then it is better to remain with your opinion and your so-called pride. Maybe these people are just jealous of you, so carefully filter the various “well-wishers”.
Why do communication difficulties arise?
Main communication problems:
- feeling of misunderstanding, depression;
- lack of communication skills;
- fear of being rejected;
- shyness.
By eliminating the above reasons, you can quickly become the life of the party.
Communication mistakes
The following are the main mistakes that occur during communication:
- Conversation in “different languages”. All people have a special vocabulary, the formation of which is affected by age, upbringing, experience, and environment. This factor is often not taken into account in conversations.
- Lack of control over body language. A dull tone, incorrect intonation, gestures and posture will negate the first favorable impression of yourself.
- Fear to clarify or ask again. An imaginary feeling of awkwardness can later lead to complete misunderstanding.
- Inability to listen and empathize. Inattention to the words of the interlocutor, arguments out of nowhere hinder the development of communication skills.
Friendliness and sociability are your best friends
Many people by “simplicity” mean kindness, sociability and openness. This situation is radically different from the previous one. In this case, the matter concerns people who are withdrawn and closed to themselves, and not proud and self-confident. It is not always possible to immediately understand how to be a simple person to whom everyone is drawn. Try to make new acquaintances and communicate more with others. Indecision and lack of self-confidence very often push people away. Perhaps by becoming more sociable and open, you will achieve that very desired level of “simplicity”.
Loving yourself means treating others well too.
Compliance with this point is the main criterion in finding the answer to the question: “How to become a simple person?” And in fact, this is very difficult, especially for born proud people who do not think about anyone but themselves. Not everyone can do good deeds, but everyone can try not to do anything bad. Treat people the way you would like to be treated. This proverb couldn't come at a better time. After all, no person would do something to harm themselves, so why do many allow themselves to do unpleasant things to others?
How to develop communication skills?
To develop communication skills you should:
- Look for any opportunity to have a conversation. It doesn’t matter who it will be - a stranger on the street or a close friend. Constant communication practice is important.
- Learn to experience joy when talking. Convince yourself that communication is not a difficult necessity, but an interesting pastime. Remember successful conversations during which you managed to leave a good impression of yourself. This will serve as inspiration.
Being yourself means being happier
Before you learn how to become simple, it's important to think about what makes you happy. Maybe your job does not bring you pleasure, and you like to write poetry or take care of plants in the country. Or do you like to dance, sing, draw. Just do what brings you joy more often, because then you will feel happier. In moments of joy, you will want to make everyone around you happy, and this is what will make you a simple and open person.
Following these tips will make you self-confident and teach you to look positively at the world and everything that happens in it. Then you will become a truly kind, open and simple person to whom others will be drawn.
Society's advice on how to become simple
Many children are taught from childhood to behave in such a way that others will approve of their behavior. And this is the mistake of many parents. They attach too much importance to public opinion.
Of course, family and friends criticize us only with good intentions, but not everyone is able to accept and objectively evaluate this criticism. Therefore, most likely, it will do more harm to a person than good. Listen to the advice and recommendations of your family, but do as your heart tells you. After all, it is never wrong. Act honestly, be sincere and open, because this is precisely the simplicity that everyone strives for.
Remember that no one knows your positive and negative sides as well as you do. And if you're really thinking about how to become simple, don't waste your time thinking about what your friend said out of envy or your mom blurted out in a fit of anger. Don’t be offended by your loved ones, always think that they still wish you well in any situation. And you shouldn’t complicate your life and theirs because of a few offensive phrases.
How to become an “easy” person?
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Feel and strengthen a “light” inner state in yourself. Label it with your personal word, come up with an image and pronounce it to yourself every morning. For example: “Today I am light and airy, like a gentle spring wind” or “Today I am mobile and gliding, like a sunbeam.”
Maintain a “light” state in yourself consciously, directing your attention to it.
Do not accept “heaviness” from other people, “block yourself” with a joke or a light phrase. For example, many people now say the following defensive phrase: “Who has it easy now?”
If you have the strength and time, try to “make it easier” for the existence of “difficult” people. Explain to them that life itself is a gift! And you shouldn’t refuse such an expensive gift!
If you don’t have the energy and time, calmly and without irritation move away from “difficult” people, interrupting communication with them and without explaining anything. In the end, each person builds his own life. No one can be forced to live differently, even if it seems to us that this life is easier and more joyful.
Always find the strength and time to get joy and pleasure from life. Pamper yourself a little with delicious food, a fun holiday, an interesting book, beautiful clothes.
Rate your sociability
If you want to find out how sociable you are, do a little psychological examination of yourself. Answer “Yes,” “No,” or “Sometimes” to the questions below.
— You have an ordinary business meeting coming up, does the anticipation unsettle you?
— Do you put off visiting a doctor until the last moment?
— Do you feel confused or displeased when asked to deliver a report, message, or information at any meeting or gathering?
— You are offered to go on a business trip to a city you have never been to; Have you made every effort to avoid this business trip?
Do you like to share your experiences with anyone?
— Do you get annoyed if a stranger on the street asks you (to show the way, tell the time, answer some question)?
— Do you believe that there is a problem of “fathers and sons” and that it is difficult for people of different generations to understand each other?
— Are you embarrassed to remind a friend that he did not return you 10 thousand rubles that he borrowed several months ago?
— In a restaurant or canteen you were served a poor-quality dish, will you remain silent, only angrily pushing the plate away?
— If you find yourself alone with a stranger, will you not enter into a conversation with him and will it be painful if he speaks first?
— You are horrified by a long line, no matter where it is - at a bank, a store, a cinema, or a concert hall box office. Would you prefer to give up your intention or will you languish in anticipation?
— Are you afraid to participate in any commission for considering conflict situations?
— You have your own purely individual criteria for evaluating works of literature, art, culture, and you do not accept any other people’s opinions on this matter. Is it so?
— Having heard somewhere on the sidelines a clearly erroneous statement on an issue that is well known to you, would you prefer to remain silent and not enter into an argument?
Do you feel annoyed when someone asks you to help them understand a particular issue or topic?
Are you more willing to express your point of view (opinion, assessment) in writing than orally?
For the answer “YES” give 2 points, “No” - About points, “Sometimes” - 1 point. Calculate the amount of points you scored when answering the test questions.
If you scored 30-32 points, you are an unsociable person. This is not your fault, but rather your misfortune, since you yourself suffer the most from this. It is difficult for you to publicly express your opinion at a meeting or meeting; you prefer to remain silent, although in your heart you curse yourself for your indecisiveness.
If you scored 25-29 points, you are a reserved, taciturn person and prefer loneliness. You have few acquaintances and friends. And only when you are very passionate about some person or some business do you suddenly, unexpectedly, acquire ease and sociability in your contacts.
If have 14-18 points, you do not like noisy companies and are not in the mood for extensive communication with different people. You are a person with average sociability. You are inquisitive, willingly listen to an interesting interlocutor, and can be patient when communicating with a person who talks a lot and loudly.
You have 9-13 points. You are a very sociable person, you know how to speak out on various issues, and you willingly meet new people.
Sometimes you can be impatient and restless, you can show intemperance and a quick temper.
You scored 4-8 points. You are a very sociable person, you are fascinated by meeting almost all people, in each of them you can see something interesting and worthy of attention.
Finally, if you scored 0-3 points, you
overly talkative and verbose, at times you cannot be stopped and those around you suffer from your excessive talkativeness. Quite often you provoke conflicts only because of your excessive activity in communication.
CHAPTER 9. STRESS OF LOSS
“If you lost money, you didn’t lose anything. If you lost time, you lost a lot. If you lose your health, you lose everything.”
Puchkov, TV journalist
Losing money
Money reflects the life time, energy, health, sacrifices and hardships invested in it. Money is definitely a very important part of our life. However, people experience the loss of a large sum of money in very different ways: from dismissive irony and careless “Money is not the main thing!” - to the point of feeling tragedy and emotional shock. What determines our reaction to losing money? Obviously, from two main reasons: our attitude towards life and ourselves.
Thus, financial losses are especially hard for people whose meaning in life is to gain power, comfort, and a high material standard of living. In this case, the loss of money is perceived by them as a loss of leading life goals. If a person’s main value orientations lie in another plane - love, creativity, sincerity, spiritual development - the loss of money is perceived more calmly or even neutrally.
In addition, a person’s attitude towards himself is manifested in his attitude towards money. With self-doubt, a person begins to look for “substitutes” or external attributes through which he can demonstrate his own importance: expensive clothes, more prestigious things, cars and other indicators of wealth. For such a demonstration, money is needed, therefore, even if at the beginning of life money did not have a dominant meaning for a person, at some stage in life it becomes the rank of important life values and, moreover, it is with them that a person correlates his assessment of himself.
Of course, when discussing the problem of money there should be no hypocrisy or hypocrisy: undoubtedly, every person needs money and the more, the better. Money provides freedom, opportunity, independence, maturity. However, betting only on money is risky and dangerous: it can be lost for reasons beyond our control - due to political and economic crises or generally unfortunate accidents. It is important to understand that it is safer and less risky to make meaningful those things in life that cannot be taken away from us and that we can never lose while we are alive - all that is inside us and inside our consciousness.
That is why health, love, knowledge, professional skills, optimism, fortitude, vitality and many other spiritual values are “eternal values” and are valued more highly. That is why when
If you lose money in conditions of economic or political crises, those people who are oriented towards spiritual goals remain active and able to work. Conversely, powerful destruction and loss of desire to live are experienced by those who feel inner devastation: “No money, no me.”
We conclude:
if money is the leading value in life, a person is unprotected from the effects of external stress: sudden changes in political and economic living conditions, objective accidents, the cruel will of another person (theft, for example). Spiritual values, due to their intangible nature, provide more stable protection for a person: no one can take them away from him while he is alive.
It is interesting to note that problems of finding love and stable close relationships are experienced precisely by those people for whom money is the main value in life. The loss of money is associated for them with the loss of attractiveness for a person close and significant to them and, consequently, the fear of losing him. And for another, his attitude towards his close partner is not entirely conscious: the halo of money is often for the person himself “glued together” with the halo of the loved one’s personality, its, as it were, external “design”. The loss of a beautiful surroundings with the loss of material resources quite often leads to other losses - love, friendship, devotion - if, of course, the latter were based only on money.
The habit of being poor
“At the source of any wealth and success lies a thought! If you are ready for success, then you already have half the secret to achieving it. I hope you will easily add the second half as soon as it reaches your consciousness.”
Napoleon Hill, journalist, presidential adviser
“A person who feels poor gives up activity and allows himself to be weak, unhappy and controlled. But behind this there is a conscious choice. Since a person refuses to mold his own life, others will do it for him. But then there is no need to be offended by the fact that this life is being molded in a way that is beneficial to others... I don’t know of cases when people who passionately wanted to change their fate did not achieve anything.”
Vladimir Zavyalov, psychotherapist
Have you paid attention to Napoleon Hill's book “Think and Grow Rich”? He came to the conclusion that successful and wealthy people become those who, in advance, in their dreams and reflections, imagine themselves to be successful and wealthy.
Precisely in advance, when there is nothing yet! There is still no noticeable success and prosperity, but these people already see their lives as organized and prosperous. In this imaginary life, they have a well-established life, eat and dress well, teach their children in prestigious schools and universities, and relax in European resorts. Dreaming about this, they set appropriate goals for themselves, show activity, perseverance and enterprise and, as a rule, sooner or later, achieve their goal!
The law of the transition of intangible ideas into real, material, life benefits, in general, has long been known. The same law is implemented in the opposite direction. If a poor and unlucky person gets used to feeling poor and unlucky, does not fight and does not protest, nothing in his life will change for the better. The entrance to his house will always be shabby and smelly, his apartment, food and clothes will be cheap and of poor quality, his wife will always be exhausted and irritated, and his children will be ill-mannered and rude.
Such a person gets used to complaining - about his parents who didn’t teach him how to live, about politicians who don’t care about him, about his boss who bullies him, about his wife who doesn’t love him, about his children who don’t respect him, in general, on everyone and everything... He often and willingly talks about his difficulties and misfortunes, looking for compassion and support. He, like a child, wants to be pitied and caressed, to be given what he lacks, and given simply, as they say, “for his beautiful eyes.”
The habit of complaining and feeling unhappy is very persistent. Gradually, the role of a poor and unlucky person becomes the main and only one for him. The posture and gait change, a suffering or hidden aggressive expression appears on the face, and the voice becomes plaintive, pleading or, conversely, demanding and bitter.
Such a person no longer dreams of something good and often experiences irritation if he sees the success and well-being of other people next to him. Unconsciously, he expects from those around him that
what poverty and failure in which he himself lives. He may be jealous and slander his neighbor, but he will not make any effort to improve his own life and the life of his loved ones.
Imagining his life only in black colors, such a person essentially makes it boring, poor, hopelessly dysfunctional. And if something good and positive does happen, he either does not notice it or avoids it, coming up with various excuses, explaining to himself and others why he cannot accept her gift from Fate.
Unfortunately, in such a country rich in natural resources, we have many poor people. Poor - not because it is impossible to improve your life, but precisely because of the habit of feeling poor and unlucky.
So, if you are from the category of such people, but still want to change your life for the better, take a few steps in this direction yourself.
- Give up the habitual desire to complain or blame circumstances or other people because something is not going well for you.
— Try to change your inner state from “I will never succeed” to “I will always succeed if I really want it.”
- Don't envy other people's success. Don't be annoyed when you see prosperous and wealthy people.
— Clearly answer the question: “What do you want in life?” Identify your own goals.
— Determine your resources: what do you currently have? Try to positively assess your age and your capabilities.
For example, you are 20 years old. This means that you are active, willing to take reasonable risks and work hard. Your task: to gain professional knowledge, develop professional skills and look for a loved one with whom you can build a life together.
Are you 40 years old? Consequently, you have life experience, professional status and at the same time have retained high performance. Your task: maintain what you have achieved and actively move forward.
- Change your social circle. Try to interact more often with active, successful and optimistic people. Limit your interactions with people who complain too often and blame external circumstances or other people for their failures.
- Watch how successful people “make” their success. Adopt methods of successful behavior that you find useful in your life.
- Never give up. Always believe in yourself. Be calm about both success and failure.
Job loss (unemployment stress)
“When I was fired, I was very worried. I just couldn’t find a place for myself! I cried a lot, and then sat down in front of the TV and started eating something. No matter what. Just to chew. Gradually I calmed down. But while staying at home, I gained 9 kg of excess weight.”
From a client’s story during a consultation
Losing a job is hard for everyone. Even if a person is wealthy and is not afraid of going hungry, he can hardly tolerate not being in demand. It has also been noticed that mental and physical health is maintained into old age by people who get up early in the morning, get themselves in order and leave home for work. For men and women of almost any age, regularity of daily going to and from work, “going out with people” and communicating outside the home, social and professional activities and responsibilities is necessary.
Middle-aged and older people are experiencing job loss especially acutely in Russia now. Internally, they strive for a stable job with specific and specifically fixed responsibilities - this is how they were raised from childhood and this was how it was quite recently, in the 70-80s. In conditions of developed socialism, work experience in one place, length of service, and low staff turnover were valued. If a person changed jobs too often, he was called the offensive word “flyer.”
At the same time, as a rule, after special training at a university or technical school, a person
life worked in one professional field. Few people changed their profession and only in exceptional cases: when they lost health and ability to work (switching to an easier job), when moving to a leadership position (change of subject matter) and, very rarely, when going into creative professions (writing, painting, etc.). ).
Therefore, the emergence of market relations, in which such properties as stability, evenness and stability are lost, turned out to be painful for middle-aged and older people. Many of them could not get used to the need to periodically change their place of work (bankruptcy of a company or bank, contract employment system) or even change their profession (leaving the production sector for trade, mediation), instability in wages or its temporary absence.
The transition to a new form of existence, lifestyle and social circle, associated with a change of job, turned out to be especially difficult and even tragic for the majority of knowledge workers.
At best, this transition manifested itself in the fact that a specialist who had previously worked under a specific manager in a work team began to work alone, without superiors and without a team - under contracts (at home) or as a one-time consultant (on the road). Such work arose for lawyers, partly for doctors, economists, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. Permanent employment here is provided only to well-known specialists with a certain status and high professional qualifications.
level. For others, this form of work, even if the work is interesting and creative, is unstable - today there are orders and earnings, tomorrow there are no orders and earnings.
In addition, you must always be “in shape”, actively express yourself through speeches and publications, have a keen sense of the market situation and, to a certain extent, prepare a field of activity for yourself in advance (look for customers, offer services, organize advertising). An important problem here is the issue of payment, since mental work is now valued very differently, not only due to different qualifications, experience of a specialist and his fame, but also in different regions of Russia. So, in Moscow, a consultation with an experienced psychologist can cost 150-200 rubles, and in Perm or Tambov - 40-50 rubles.
In the worst case, such a transition, as it were, “from one life to another” is associated with a significant decline - social and financial. For example, social relegation is felt by people who previously worked in schools, hospitals and research institutes, and currently trade in the markets. In terms of money, they did not lose anything or, on the contrary, they began to receive much more, but in terms of the content of communication and the range of interests, the losses are obvious.
Financial decline is experienced by those who are forced to leave their jobs and who were laid off due to staff reductions. Most often these are middle-aged women. They become cleaners, nannies, “girls on the phone” or just housewives. In any case, for the rest of the
life or for some time, a woman “puts an end to herself” as a worker and specialist.
There are many recommendations for those who have lost their jobs. Let's list some of them.
Any change in life should be greeted not as a nuisance or tragedy, but as a chance to start a new life. Losing a job is an opportunity to have free time to think about new projects and ideas, so it is psychologically “advantageous” not to fall into apathy and depression, but, on the contrary, to consciously activate oneself and set oneself up to actively solve the problem that has arisen. It is useful to ask yourself the question: “What are my reserves that I have not used yet?”
A new life should begin with intensive communication with friends, relatives and acquaintances. The most time-efficient and accessible way to information about work is through communication with a variety of people. Ask yourself another question: “What is my network like?” Also try to answer the following questions: “What people do I know and with whom have I maintained long-term relationships without difficulties or conflicts? Which one was in the same situation and how did he find a job? What does he do? What is your salary for your work?” In general, you should sit down on the phone for a few days and call your friends and acquaintances. Nowadays, those who have a wide circle of acquaintances in various professional fields find a job. My friend, a bank manager, during a crisis
who submitted his resignation, said this: “Nowadays the party animal is finding a good job.”
It is necessary to find out whether any of your friends, relatives and acquaintances can make a recommendation for you when applying for a job. And so the third question to yourself: “Who can recommend me?” Make a list of people who could actually or potentially recommend you and call them periodically.
You can't sit without work for a long time. First of all, the skills of free and open communication are lost, self-confidence decreases, activity and optimism disappear. In a month or two, it will be scary to dial the phone number of an unfamiliar potential employer whom you found through an advertisement in the newspaper, go to a company for a preliminary conversation, or leave your details at a recruitment agency. Therefore, if possible, during a crisis, it is necessary to agree to any work and any work. Let this be a temporary compromise until you find what you need, but it is better to search while working than to sit at home and think about how unfair fate is to you. You must decisively tell yourself: “I must work!”
During your absence from work, it is also useful to remember everything that you know how to do outside your profession: sewing, knitting, renovating apartments or cars, growing flowers, typing on a computer, caring for children or the elderly, etc. Ask yourself the question: “What else can I do outside of my profession?” and get down to real, concrete things. If you are a woman and can update your wardrobe or the wardrobe of your husband and children by altering or
bandaging old things, you will receive satisfaction from the fact that you have new things, and you have not spent money on their purchase. If you are a man, during a period of unemployment you can do some minor repairs, doing it yourself. The results are obvious: the joy of your wife, occupational therapy from manual activity, and again: economic benefit, which is important in times of crisis and unemployment.
A useful question might be: “Perhaps I need to improve my qualifications or, conversely, change my profession?” Many specialists, having some reserves of money, began to study in various courses. They seek to increase their value, either in their professional field or in another profession, when many high-quality specialists have “fallen in value.”
But there is the most important condition for success. It is important in any situation to remain an easy-going, sociable and likeable person. Both before and now, in any job, human qualities are valued above all. They usually say this: “If only the person was good.” Preference will always be given to a loyal, non-conflict, calm and balanced person with moderate ambitions.
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Recommended pages:
Is attention to detail really necessary?
When asking the question “How to become simple and open?”, think about how much time you spend on something that, in fact, is not worthy of even a minute of your life. Attention to detail is only necessary in work, but in all life situations it will only bring you problems. Thus, you simply complicate your life with various rules and conditions that would not exist if you accepted everything that happens as it is. There is no need to replay events in your head, think about all the little things and think about how you could act in a given situation. Believe me, this will not lead to anything good. Just enjoy life, do what you like, become happier and make everyone around you happy.
Common Mistake
I would like to warn you against one common mistake in communication. Little is said about her, but her influence is great. Very often a person strives so hard to arouse the interest of the interlocutor that he resorts to the help of a negative trigger. What does it mean?
He can talk about some frightening phenomena or events, rumors or nasty things seen on a blue screen. And this scheme works! The opponent was frightened by the message, which is why he became interested.
But at the same time, this is just focusing attention on the danger that is communicated out loud. After listening to a portion of the negative, an unpleasant aftertaste will remain. Of course, most people use this technique unconsciously.
But I'll tell you a little secret. Such listeners are lovers of “hot stuff”, empty fabulousness and the desire to spread information further. You will not arouse any interest in your person this way. Moreover, such an information summary resembles recitation and an attempt to smooth out the silence.
Is there any effective advice from psychologists who know first-hand how to properly structure a conversation with people? And what qualities do you need to reveal in yourself?
The debate between the mind and the heart
Very often, many girls are faced with situations where the heart tells one thing, but common sense and experience say something else. Almost always, such a dispute between the mind and heart arises due to constant analysis and reflection on the situation. You try to take into account all the little things so as not to miss anything, but in the end you miss something very important. Sometimes it is worth listening to your heart and intuition, taking risks and, perhaps, finding the greatest happiness in life. You don’t need to listen to the advice of others and do what they think is right if you feel that you don’t want to. There is nothing worse than regretting something you didn't do. Follow your desires, be happy, and you will not notice how you will become the very ideal of simplicity that everyone is drawn to.
Childhood problem
A state of indifference and coldness is inherent in people who were traumatized in early childhood. A child who has survived the unhappy marriage of his parents forever accepts that intimacy is dangerous and only brings suffering, and as he grows up, he avoids close relationships.
Or when parents are so busy with themselves and their problems that the child, who has not yet developed the necessary resources for independent decisions, faces problems alone. And the children cope, but at what cost? They pay for it with emptiness! They survived, but they locked their feelings and now hide them deep inside themselves.
As they grow up, they become people of action. You can hardly expect any sympathy from them. They will not ask for help; they have gained experience in childhood that their difficulties are unimportant. Mental intimacy is not a conversation about them.
Reviews
Many girls and boys have already tried to adhere to the tips and recommendations described above. They all leave positive reviews about this technique. Most of them claim that as soon as they began to change, the attitude of all the people around them immediately changed, and it became easier to make new acquaintances. You just have to start with yourself, and the whole world will meet you halfway.
TOP 10 ways to become sociable
At work with colleagues, at school with teachers, teenagers, at home with loved ones, friends, dialogues are present everywhere. The ability to carry on a conversation is one of the keys to success.
Eliminating filler words
To have a meaningful conversation, get rid of words that do not carry a semantic load, filling your speech with empty sounds (for example, “as if,” “this,” “ummm,” etc.). Do not use jargon, obscenities or slang.
Sign language
When communicating, contact occurs not only verbally, but also verbally. By gestures, the partner will assess the disposition to the conversation and interest in it. Don't cross your arms or legs. These gestures signal a lack of desire to communicate. Also, put away your cell phone and other gadgets that can distract you for a while.
Visual communication
In a dialogue, the interlocutors sit opposite each other. Don’t look away, don’t look at your phone, don’t be silent. This is a sign of disrespect for your partner. He will understand that the topic of the conversation is uninteresting, they are not listening to him.
Conversation plan
If a meeting is scheduled with a stranger, think through a communication plan in advance. As the conversation progresses, it will become clear which topics are worth developing and which are best not touched upon.
Personality formation
The surrounding atmosphere depends on the location of the interlocutors to each other. If you need to project authority, sit up straight, square your shoulders, and concentrate. In a friendly environment, smile, be cheerful, and occasionally add a touch of humor.
Acquaintance
When meeting a stranger, first learn his name and how to address him. With this action, show respect for your partner and interest in the future conversation.
Important quality
During a conversation, it is appropriate not only to listen, but also to hear the interlocutor. To show interest in the topic, ask several clarifying questions using the last words spoken (for example, “Did I understand correctly, do you want to spend this weekend outside the city?”).
Interesting and general topics
Sometimes there are pauses in the conversation. Fill them with dialogue about common interests, home, family, upcoming vacation. Eliminate weather topics that won't interest anyone and aren't likely to help further the conversation. You can joke or tell an interesting story, this will relieve tension and defuse the environment.
New acquaintances
Constantly make new acquaintances. All people are individual and each person needs a different approach.
Practice is necessary to master communication techniques, eliminate shyness and isolation.
Confidence
Know how to express and defend your opinion, even if it differs from the position of your interlocutor. Learn to say “no” when the requests of others go against your interests. Be honest with yourself and with those around you. Try to provide benefits that don't burden you.
