Why do you need to manage your emotions and how to do it?

• September 12, 2018
• Psychology of Personality
• Nesteruk Olga

Each person has his own range of emotions and feelings. Without emotions, your life would not be full and rich, but would turn into a boring existence. With the help of certain emotions you can show your uniqueness and originality. Also, thanks to the expression of experiences, others understand how you react to a particular situation. But sometimes it is impossible to control your emotions. Such cases lead to mental exhaustion and stress. And everyone knows that only those who have learned to manage their emotions achieve great success in life. How to do it? There are some good tips.

Do breathing practices

In the modern world, almost everyone has already heard about how important it is to learn to control your breathing. How to learn to manage your emotions using this method? To control them through breathing, you need to practice relaxation, meditation and yoga. Already many people are studying these practices of spiritual development, they claim that it is very effective.

Breathing practices help you calm down and relax. And when a person is relaxed, it is much easier for him to keep his feelings and emotions under control. How it works? Calm, monotonous breathing promotes relaxation, and it also helps to abstract from external stimuli.

You don't need anything special to do this, just focus on the task and have a strong desire to become a more balanced person. The results of meditation, relaxation and yoga will be visible almost immediately, the main thing is not to give up the practice, and you can become a new person. The more practices you do, the easier it will be for you to manage your emotions, the greater your spiritual inner strength will be.

How to manage negative emotions

In the modern world, we are faced with a huge amount of negative emotions, which are justified by most people around us. This happens because people are unable to realize the harm and destruction they cause. A person often experiences negative emotions at home—with his family. Misunderstandings with your relatives, the difficulties of “close” relationships, disagreements with neighbors and friends significantly spoil the state of the nervous system and affect other areas of life.

A person’s internal resistance to such negative factors can be expressed in the form of anger, fear, increased anxiety, anger, resentment, guilt, and irritation.

How do negative reactions arise and where is their source?

First, let's identify the most basic negative emotions and think about how we can cope with them:

• One of the most powerful and depressing feelings regarding one’s own “person” and one’s inner world is SELF-LOVE . It occurs among those people who do not live for themselves, but live for someone else, who do not put their own interests first - the interests of others are more important to them.

To correct this, you need to change your life attitudes to: “I - to me - mine - for me.” Learn to love yourself with unconditional love - just like a particle of the Universe. And, very soon you will notice that the World is opening up for you from the other side and presenting many new wonderful opportunities. Self-love is an art that needs to be learned. Our Esoteric School “Kailas” offers amazing knowledge, by learning which a person improves himself and his environment, improves the quality of life, becomes successful, joyful and prosperous.

• A FEELING OF WORRY appears in those people who bear obligations that indicate that they owe something - to themselves, to others, to society, to the country, etc.

To solve this problem, you need to change your program to: “I don’t owe anything to anyone: neither my body, nor those around me, nor my loved ones.” You must try to live in such a way that responsibilities appear when you have an inner feeling of love towards someone or something, and you voluntarily agree with the obligations.

• DEPRESSION occurs when a person is in a hopeless situation and does not see opportunities to find the right solution to a life problem. The root cause of depression is lying. Stop lying to yourself and others, start telling the truth to yourself and others - as a result, the Universe will protect you from serious problems.
• The root cause of FEAR may be the anticipation of physical pain and the accumulation of vibrations of fear as a result of eating animal food.

You can get rid of fear if a person begins to hope that everything will be fine, that is, he can trust the Universe and “trust in God”!

• The extreme form of irritation is ANGER or ANGER - these emotions appear at the moment when something is out of your control or someone represents a serious obstacle to you in achieving a certain goal.

You can get rid of this if you begin to mentally repeat all the same actions and words that occur in the situation that caused irritation and anger. You can also take a step back and force yourself to wait, thereby maintaining calm.

Many people do not understand and are surprised where unpleasant events in their lives come from: plans are upset, things take a completely unexpected turn, situations are not resolved in their favor. Stress from problems associated with emotional and physical health is growing, fatigue from business and personal relationships is increasing - all this indicates that the space around you is energetically polluted and needs to be cleansed. If this is not done, then negative emotions with their destructive power can destroy a person’s physical body, his psyche and even his destiny.

Every day we experience different emotions - both positive and negative. They quickly replace each other, like a kaleidoscope. We really like to rejoice and love, be creative and see smiles on the faces of our loved ones, but none of us wants to be angry or afraid. To be able to resist negative emotions and take control into your own hands, learn to love yourself and enjoy the beauty of the world around you, stop making excuses inner negativity and feel the joy of every moment!

To do this, you need to reconsider your views and life attitudes, and pay special attention to spiritual development. And it seems it’s time to start studying the philosophy of our school!

Go through the Updated Steps, watch webinars and workshops, listen to noises - this will “immerse” you into the exciting world of esotericism, guide you to happiness and success, help you fulfill your dream and show life from a bright and rich side!

Be positive

Stress and nerves can make it difficult to see the positive side of life. Therefore, you often do not notice or appreciate the good things that happen to you. In fact, in almost any event you can see something beautiful. Once you start noticing the positive in small things, you will understand how to control and manage your emotions. Positive thinking helps solve many issues and problems. This happens because you begin to feel lighter about the situation and it seems less problematic to you.

People by nature often exaggerate the significance of events that happen in their lives. They tend to perceive change as something bad, scary and destructive. Meanwhile, a positive attitude allows you to look at the situation more adequately and calmly. It turns out that emotions become much easier to manage. Belief in a positive outcome adds confidence in one’s abilities, and a person becomes more decisive.

How to control your emotions in a relationship: tips

Does it often happen to you that you first yell at your husband and then regret it? Maybe you say some offensive things that you yourself don’t believe? Then you definitely need to figure out how to control your emotions.

This skill is very important in relationships, but how to acquire it? In fact, there is only one piece of advice here - to constantly work on yourself. Without this, nothing will work, and a few simple rules will help you cope with any situations:

• Don't be dramatic

Often women simply “escalate” the situation and any little thing turns into a big scandal. For example, he didn't call you. Does this mean that he doesn’t care about you, he doesn’t love you? Of course not. But completely different thoughts come into my head.

Please note that resentment or anger does not even manifest itself in relation to the event, but in how you yourself relate to it. Learn to be more positive and think more broadly. Your man may have an important project at work and he doesn’t have time, maybe he just doesn’t want you to miss him. Or he simply forgot to do it, this also happens, and you should not make this a reason for great offense. Keep it simple! No need to be dramatic.

• Take care of your emotional state

Imagine that you are very tired and are on the verge of a breakdown. And then my husband came home an hour later. You immediately “unleash” all the dogs on him, throw out everything that has accumulated inside at work and all the fatigue.

That is, it turns out that you lashed out at a person, although he is not even to blame. He just happened to be there at the wrong moment. So, you must take care of yourself and your own well-being. Then your husband will be happy, because instead of your hysterics he will see a smile.

• Be a good and happy wife

Be happy.
Try to achieve this. Yes, it will be difficult, but in the end it may become second nature to you and it will be easy for you to always give positivity to a man. Read more books, watch movies, communicate with people who you think have achieved success.

Change your image, because you didn’t choose it, you just had to behave that way. In other words, become the person you want. This will very quickly become a habit and you yourself will not notice how much you have changed.

• Analyze results and intentions

Every action you take carries kindness. For example, a wife yells at her husband to get him to understand her feelings. Do you think this gives results? Of course not. In this case, the husband simply begins to ignore and stand his ground.

Every time you want to scream, think about whether you need it? What do you want to achieve? Always ask these questions, and don't just act automatically.

• Count to 10 and take a deep breath

When a stressful situation arises, you immediately want to either attack or run away. Therefore, a woman usually creates a scandal, or leaves offended. Both behavior options are not correct.

Always remember that a person does not begin to think rationally immediately, but a little later. So first count slowly to 10 and then react.

• Go to another room and beat the pillow

Don't scream
The most extreme case for venting negativity is using a pillow. Pick her up, beat her, or bury your face in her face and scream loudly. Rest assured that a few minutes will be enough to feel normal again. Now you are ready to talk and resolve issues.

Remember that you can't control everything, so just accept the situation and control yourself.

Avoid Negativity

Some people, wondering how to manage their emotions, continue to remain too sensitive to everything that happens around them.

When you hear other people's arguments and gossip, try not to get involved in it. You should avoid conflict and negative situations. Try to find people and situations that can add confidence to you and give you peace of mind and peace of mind.

To make it easier to avoid conflicts and negative events, you need to learn to recognize your individuality and uniqueness. You should understand that you are a separate person, and that not all events, especially negative ones, are relevant to you. You should not take on the negative mood of others. The more you value yourself, the less influence you will have from the outside, and you will be able to more easily endure the aggression and negativity that is around you.

Emotional state management

Public speaking is a set of skills, among which the skill of managing emotional state occupies a significant place. It is obvious that emotion as a means of communication can influence the speaker’s audience. A person’s ability to empathize determines that the speaker is able, using the emotion he needs, to establish a certain, desired atmosphere in the audience.

The question “How to manage your emotional state?” - the topic of many scientific articles, no clear opinion has emerged. For example, there is a statement that emotions are an evolutionarily earlier mechanism for regulating personality behavior than reason. At birth, we receive a basic set of emotions, which at first is the baby’s only means of communication with the outside world. This determines that a person first feels an emotion, then exhibits behavioral characteristics. Therefore, it is believed that it is impossible to influence emotions with the mind. In turn, William James, in his work “What are Emotions,” reveals the connection between the emotional state and bodily behavior, and shows how, using body movements, we can control our emotions: “If we imagine some strong emotion and then try to remove it from consciousness experiencing all those bodily symptoms that are characteristic of it, it turns out that there is nothing left, there is no “mental material” from which this emotion could be formed, and what remains is only cold calculation.”

My view on emotional management is that the range of control over emotions is simply enormous. Emotions that have developed to the point of passion (we often don’t even understand that this has happened) are already very difficult to manage and control, but it is very simple to evoke the desired emotion in ourselves.

Some emotions are uncontrollable with any preparation, and some emotional states we can control easily. First of all, it is necessary to define emotional state management. People most often understand the management of emotions as the management of emotions that have already arisen, but in fact this is a much more voluminous matter, which includes preventing emotional triggering, changing the way the emotional state flows, as well as stopping emotional experiences.

This topic can be discussed for a very long time. In the meantime, let’s figure out what a novice speaker needs to know about the emotional state.

The amygdala is responsible for emotional learning in the body . Already at birth, we easily use basic emotions, signaling our state; for us it is elementary. Actors, diplomats, speakers and other people who have received training in emotional management have much better self-control than people who have not received such training. In essence, the ability to control emotions for a speaker is, first of all, a skill that gives the ability, if necessary, to subordinate one’s emotions to the dictates of one’s own mind.

There are several methods for developing the skill of managing your emotional state:

1. The first way: emotional experience. The essence of which is to expand the range of emotional situations, as a result of which a person learns through gaining emotional experience. Gaining experience can occur as a result of expanding your social circle. Expanding your social circle is a method of teaching emotional control, since new psychological and social contacts allow a person to express, and accordingly learn, to apply their emotional states more widely. For example, the more public speaking a speaker has, the better developed the skill of managing emotional state.
2. The second way to manage emotions: concentration . The speaker's task is to consciously exclude unnecessary emotions and achieve complete concentration on the emotion that is of decisive importance. The method is based on the motor regulation of the body and involves the involvement of the body in physical activity characteristic of a particular emotion. For example, when we are sad, it is difficult for us to create pleasant experiences. But if we can focus on activities or events that make us feel fun or happy, the likelihood that we will overcome sadness increases dramatically. To activate the necessary emotion, changes in bodily manifestations are of great importance. We want to receive joy, which means we show joy physically, smile, use appropriate gestures and facial expressions.
3. The third way to manage emotions: transference . The method is associated with the transfer of some emotional situations to others. Colleagues of the People's Artist A. Abdulov recall that before his performances, Alexander always created a scandal with any person who turned up. Thus, he was emotionally prepared for public speaking. The use of this method requires an individual approach, it requires ingenuity and invention. The search for specific techniques always depends on the personality of the speaker and her level of maturity.
4. Fourth method: playing a role . It consists of playing the role of another person, or a fictitious image, in the process of communication. Playing a role means behaving the same way as the character, using the same words and intonations, getting angry and laughing just like the person you are playing. The fact is that each of us has acting abilities hidden deep in our souls. Try to play the role in such a way that you experience what the character you are portraying experiences.

These methods allow you to gain and effectively apply the skill of managing your emotional state, without which it is very difficult to comprehend public speaking skills.

Today, for a speaker, EQ (emotional intelligence) is becoming the main criterion of professionalism. For a speaker or trainer, being able to manage your emotions is a must. If we don't control our emotions, our emotions control us.

Remember past successes

This is one of the most effective ways to learn to manage your emotions. Think of at least three examples of personal achievements. Now turn your attention to your current questions and problems. You will realize that you have the strength and intelligence to solve them effectively. Remember these feelings. When you have problems again, remember them, and it will become much easier for you.

The truth about learning to manage your feelings

The topic of managing your feelings is relevant to almost every person on earth. Regardless of whether a man or a woman . This applies to all people, since we are all alive, and we all have certain feelings.

And the main problem we face is that feelings push us to do certain (rash, ridiculous, stupid, dangerous, erroneous, etc.) actions, make decisions or say words that we later regret - we make unnecessary purchases , we do meaningless things, offend loved ones, plunge into negativity, etc. This happens because our feelings control us, and not our rational consciousness.

This can't be changed

The truth is that the mechanism by which feelings control us, and not we control feelings, cannot be changed. At least not to change quickly, easily and naturally (which is what many people secretly dream about, but are afraid to admit to themselves). The ability to control one’s thoughts, feelings, and behavior is an ability that directly depends on a person’s degree of awareness. And the degree of awareness of modern man, let’s say, is very low and is only inclined to decline.

Another truth is that feelings and emotions are not independent self-sufficient processes (“programs”) of the unconscious, but only consequences, effects, manifestations of attitudes, ideas, “programs,” decisions, postulates, “mechanisms,” which are a dime a dozen in the unconscious, and which form a complex multi-level and multi-stage “network-interconnection” between themselves.

In order to control one or another manifestation (feeling, emotion) of such an idea (set of ideas), one must have a level of awareness higher than the one at which this idea is perceived as a “natural part of life.”

For example, for a person it is normal, self-evident (albeit socially condemned) the idea that “you need to take a shit so that someone else doesn’t get it.” Everything that is included in the “dramatization zone” of this idea (conflicts, rivalry, other people’s successes, and so on) will cause fierce irritation and anger in a person. What is called "butthurt". He will not be able to control this anger, he can only suppress it and drive it deep into himself.

But there is a way out. Or rather, two. The first is to master methods (techniques) of tactical response to “unplanned” manifestations of feelings.

Tactical techniques

The most ancient, proven and reliable method is breathing. There are many exercises that the lazy reader will find in books or on websites. For example, “breathing square.” Or the Basic PEAT technique. Yes, just an ordinary deep inhalation and exhalation allows you, if not to stop, then to suspend the active dramatization of an idea, which evokes certain feelings.

Another technique is to meaningfully and rationally begin to evoke the opposite feeling. For example, if you feel “sadness-sadness-longing” covering you, then begin to actively smile and make body movements that a joyful and happy person makes. It is impossible to experience both feelings at the same time, and sooner or later one of them will recede.

Another technique is to, again, meaningfully and purposefully “switch” your attention to something from external reality that can evoke other (positive or fairly neutral) feelings and emotions in you. Take, for example, a pen/pencil/keys, twirl them in your fingers, take a closer look, remember what is good and kind associated with them.

Strategic work

Serious work in learning to manage your feelings lies solely in increasing your degree of awareness. Since only awareness of something gives us the opportunity to control it (our internal mental processes). Increasing awareness means beginning to see reality more clearly and clearly (without “blinders” in the form of illusions, erotic fantasies, false beliefs and all sorts of crazy things) as it is. It takes courage and courage.

Learn to let go

People tend to remember situations that once happened to them; they replay them in their heads over and over again. This prevents them from moving forward and becoming free and happy. The emotions that a person experiences accumulate and do not come out. If you want to achieve anything in life, you need to learn to let go.

How to learn to manage emotions that have accumulated over the years? To master this skill, you need to let go of your emotions every day. This should be a daily ritual, no matter when, whether you take a shower or brush your teeth. You must get rid of the emotions you experienced during the day. Resentment, disappointment, hatred, envy, anger, guilt - it is necessary to get rid of these difficult experiences as quickly as possible. Remember that the situation has already happened, it no longer exists, it does not last a lifetime.

read books

If you love to read, then you know that feeling when you are so engrossed in a book that you forget about everything that is happening around you. Reading an interesting, fascinating book can make you feel like a truly happy person. You will receive a whole range of emotions and impressions.

Reading good literature helps fight negative attitudes, bad mood and even depression. The more you read, the more interesting and wider your inner world will become. You will increase your level of intelligence, which will help you find a way out of any situation. Also, while reading, you can achieve a state of very deep relaxation.

Find your hobby

How to manage your emotions with the help of interests and hobbies? An activity that you enjoy helps you spend your dull everyday life more interestingly. If you have a hobby or passion, then you can no longer be considered lonely. Hobbies push a person to new acquaintances, knowledge, and feelings.

With the help of what you love, you can definitely change your life for the better. Moreover, when you do what you like, emotions are at a high positive level. If you are doing something interesting, you will never be bored.

Any activity that interests you will bring irreplaceable benefits. Doing what you love will help you understand how to manage your emotions and feelings. If you naturally know how to speak beautifully and express your opinions, you can start writing a book. If you have the ability to draw, paint pictures. There are many exciting activities, among which everyone can choose something to their liking.

An excellent hobby that helps manage emotions and feelings is walking in the fresh air. They help to free yourself from negative thoughts. While walking, you can think about any question, and since you will be in a state of pleasant peace, the answer will be found much easier and faster. The more often and longer you walk, the longer you will be in a relaxed, peaceful state.

How to control your emotions

There are two main aspects of emotion management that you should work on.

The first is situational management. It will come in handy if you are suddenly overwhelmed by some emotion and you urgently need to cope with it. The second is strategic management. You won’t always be able to cope with an emotion on the first try and avoid a certain reaction in the future. Therefore, you will have to work on yourself over a long period of time.

Emotional management is not a one-time event, but a daily lifestyle. However, to learn strategic management, you must first master situational management, so let's look a little at how to master it.

1

Situational management

Situational management involves two fairly simple but very effective practices:

Now a few words about strategic management.

2

Strategic management

By implementing strategic emotional management, you will always work on yourself - even when you don’t feel anything. This is rather a reflexive technique that teaches you to perceive your emotions differently and react to the situation differently.

Emotions are a product of the ancient, animal part of the brain, and we cannot rid ourselves of their influence. Managing emotions does not mean complete control over them. We are only learning to redirect their energy in another direction or, by studying the reasons for their appearance and our reactions, to prevent their occurrence. This involves working in two directions - tactical (situational), when we quickly eliminate manifestations of emotion, and strategic - when we analyze our behavior and change the conditions that lead to the emergence of certain emotions. Think about it.

And to quickly learn how to manage emotions and work with them in general, you can take our “Emotional Intelligence” course, where we have collected a huge amount of tips and recommendations on this topic. See you on the course and good luck to you!

We also recommend reading:

• Storytelling
• Emotional Intelligence in Leadership
• 6 Skills to Develop Emotional Intelligence
• Emotional Labor
• Emotions and health: how they are interconnected
• Self-control: what it is and how to develop it
• “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman: book summary
• Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence
• Is it easy to spot a lie?
• 5 Signs You're a Slave to Your Emotions
• Neurobiology of Nonverbal Communication

Key words:1Psychoregulation

Simulate a future situation

Another great way to manage your emotions. Simulating the situation will help prepare you for events that may affect you greatly. You need to imagine this situation in great detail and imagine your behavior. You must imagine several options for your reaction and choose the most effective one. Simulate the situation in front of a mirror, learn to manage your emotions like an actor. Train your psyche so that it is ready for different scenarios. This exercise will prepare you for various life events, then they will not be able to take you by surprise.

It is important to ensure that your thoughts are able to get ahead of your feelings. The problem has not yet arisen, but you are already ready for it. You are one step ahead of your reaction, now it is much easier for you to control yourself.

When an unexpected situation arises, we always react more violently than to a situation for which we are prepared. Learn to start the thought process much earlier than there is a reason for the appearance of uncontrollable emotions. It turns out that you begin to control your emotions even before they manifest themselves.

Overcome your grievances

How to learn to manage emotions, overcoming all your grievances? If you harbor a grudge, then you should know that first of all it harms you personally, and not the offender. If you are fixated on your worries, sorrows, and fears, it will be extremely difficult for you to move forward and achieve success in life. Is there a way to help you get rid of resentment?

There is an exercise that will help you overcome and let go of it. Imagine the person who offended you is a child of about five years old. Tell him everything that worries you and everything you feel about him. Listen to yourself. Are you still angry and offended by him? Most likely, you realized that the offender did not hurt you on purpose, but acted unconsciously. This method helps to free yourself from negative emotions; it removes concentration on your grievances.

Technique – emotional gymnastics

This technique came to me in the form of an insight when one day I came out of the bathhouse, steamed and undressed, into the cold spring rain, and stood there, feeling the cold drops on my body. Rain is a miracle that Heaven gave us...

There is something about meditation in this technique. Its advantage is that it can be combined with your life. This technique is a way to live.

Consists of the following. Follow the steps:

1. Track your current state

You live your own life, and from time to time you monitor your emotional state. Let's say your value is quite high and stable. In this case, there is nothing to train: there is no subject of training. To learn how to raise your condition, you must first lower it.

Waiting for the occasion when someone or something throws you off balance. If you live among people, if you are careful, you may find that these incidents happen several times a day. This is if you live among people