How to have a psychological impact on a person?

That our life is a game?

Whether we like it or not, all our actions are aimed either at getting something from life or defending what we have, including health and life itself. When we feel strong and confident in our victory, we enter into open struggle with those or those who are contrary to our interests. But what to do when there is no confidence in the outcome of the match that will win for us? What then - retreat, submit, surrender? And justify yourself “by the force of the prevailing circumstances,” by the desire to “be above this,” by the desire to “save your nerves”? Well, it’s who knows how and who likes it. Each of us in a given situation, in order to achieve our goals, resorts to either direct or hidden methods of psychological influence or counteraction. One of the effective ways to “softly” achieve your goals is manipulation. On the one hand, this is protection from the tyranny and excesses of those who are higher and stronger, the bad and vile character of those who are nearby. On the other hand, no effective management is possible without the use of manipulation. As is known, strong or prolonged pressure ultimately leads to either failure or “material resistance.” Thus, whether it is good or bad, there is a Manipulator in each of us, as well as a Victim. From time to time, one or another part becomes active and begins to act, react, or even remain inactive. And since the manipulation is played out between the Manipulator and the Victim, we, perhaps, will begin by taking a closer look at what the actors in the manipulations are.

Who will you be?

Remember how in the children's rhyme we assigned everyone a role: king, prince, king, prince, shoemaker, tailor... Of course, it is better to be first than last. By definition, it is easier for a king to influence a tailor. Therefore, its impact, as a rule, is direct, open (why, as a rule, more on this later). But a tailor is also a person, also a personality. And the more he feels like an individual, the less comfortable he will feel in a situation of one-sided influence.

What should a tailor do, how can he overcome social regulations, according to which he must indifferently and obediently play the role of a servant, whose only interest is to please the master? What if the tailor is a talented and inventive person who is humiliated by his dependent and humiliated position? There is an exit. Of course, the tailor has to become a Manipulator. Remember the fairy tale about the naked king? This is a rather indicative example of multi-step and multi-level manipulation. One of the many conditions for successful manipulation is that the Manipulator is more creative than the Victim, he has a better understanding of her psychological characteristics, her system of beliefs and values, and this is what allows her to covertly control the Victim’s motives and behavior. Manipulators, as a rule, have a good idea of ​​who is in front of them. What type of person will they have to deal with? Well, perhaps we should talk a little about typology.

Be a little selfish

The habit of constantly sacrificing yourself and putting other people's interests above yours will ultimately lead to you starting to feel tired, dissatisfied, and accumulating resentment. Don’t expect those around you to suddenly see the light and definitely repay your kindness. We all look at the same things differently, so people may be nice to you but genuinely not notice your needs. Maintain healthy egoism within yourself. Learn to prioritize and take care of yourself, not just others.

A little about typology

You can often hear statements like: this one is explosive, lights like a match, and this one is excessively calm and unhurried - there is even a joke - “a hot Estonian (option: Finnish, Baltic, etc.) guy.” What is it about? About temperament. Our temperament is a property that is characterized by the dynamics of mental processes. It is believed that this is an innate, natural feature of the nervous system. There are four types of temperament.
Sanguine person
is, as a rule, in an upbeat mood, has quick and effective thinking, perseverance, and great efficiency.
He actively and easily adapts to new conditions, quickly gets along with people, and is sociable. The range of feelings is varied, they (feelings) arise and change easily. The plasticity is relaxed, the facial expressions are rich, mobile, and expressive. However, a sanguine person needs serious goals that generate / generate deep thoughts and promote creative activity. If this is not the case, the sanguine person develops superficiality and inconstancy. Choleric
is sharp and impetuous both in actions and in deeds.
He is characterized by increased impressionability, excitability, and great emotionality. Often looks arrogant and arrogant. Unlike a sanguine person, who has a sense of mental balance, a choleric person “finds peace” only in the most intense activities. The manifestation of choleric temperament largely depends on the orientation of the individual. Being involved in public interests, a choleric person is proactive, energetic, and principled. When there is no richness of spiritual life, the choleric temperament manifests itself negatively: in irritability, agitation, and affectivity. Phlegmatic
- as a rule, he is not visited by feelings of anxiety.
The usual states are calmness, quiet satisfaction with oneself and others. New patterns of behavior in a phlegmatic person are developed slowly, but appear for a long time. Usually a phlegmatic person is even-tempered and calm, rarely loses his temper, and is not prone to emotions. In conditions of predictable or controlled dynamics, a phlegmatic person can develop positive traits: endurance, depth of thoughts, etc., but in an extreme or unexpected situation - lethargy and indifference to the environment, laziness and lack of will (a form of defense). Melancholic
- shyness in movements, hesitation and caution in decisions.
His reaction is often inadequate, does not correspond to the strength of the stimulus, and his external inhibition is especially active. It is difficult for him to concentrate on anything for a long time. Easily susceptible to external influences, which often cause a strong inhibition reaction and depression in a melancholic person. Under normal living conditions, a melancholic person is a deep and meaningful person. But under unfavorable conditions, he turns into a closed, fearful, anxious person. If sanguine and phlegmatic people are fairly balanced in relationships with other people, rarely enter into conflict, soberly assess their place and role in group and social processes, then, in contrast to them, choleric people are the most conflict-ridden and unbalanced individuals, always sorting out relationships with others. They do not tolerate group or authoritarian pressure from outside, although, at the same time, they are quite sociable and socially active. Melancholic people are uncommunicative. They are also characterized by introversion, fear of expanding contacts, and a painful perception of failures in social communication and interaction. Now briefly about what character is. Character
is a mental property of a person that determines a person’s strategies and behavior patterns and is expressed in his relationships: to the world around him, to business, to other people, to himself.
These are relatively stable and constantly manifested personality traits and qualities. And they manifest themselves very simply: in actions, statements, etc. Character is will, emotions, intellectual abilities. Character is associated with the orientation of the individual and influences all human activities. Which aspect of temperament will become a character trait depends on the conditions of its formation. The formation of character is influenced by the environment, past experiences and even a person’s physique. (There are many types and methods for determining personality types. One of the most, in my opinion, versatile and effective is socionics. This is a fairly new science that is based on the typological developments of Carl Gustav Jung... In one of the next issues we will take a detailed look at this method, which allows you to technologically determine your type and build your relationships with partners, in accordance with the strengths and weaknesses of their sociotypes.)

Types of protection

The purpose of psychological defense mechanisms is to protect human consciousness from negative, painful states that arise as a result of internal confrontations. By reducing the expressiveness of a person’s mental response to stimuli, psychological defense mechanisms normalize a person’s mental state and regulate his behavioral reactions.

This complex of mental response prevents the development of stress, depression, and nervous breakdown. It acts like a shock absorber, dampening the destructive effects of a painful situation. There are several types of psychological defenses. They vary according to the level of maturity, the degree of penetration of the traumatic situation into thinking, and occur unconsciously. Their action is to protect a person’s mental environment from consuming guilt, rebellion, and shame.

Types of psychological defenses are divided into the following categories.

crowding out

This tactic of psychological defense helps to repress an unpleasant, painful, wounding situation from memory. Instead of solutions, pressing problems are hidden in the subconscious, which contributes to protection from suffering. But the “hidden” negative aspects do not dissolve or disappear. They affect the state of mind, the behavior of the individual, who becomes restless and withdrawn. Sometimes hidden information is restored. Her return to memory is manifested by slips of the tongue and bad dreams.

Negation

This psychological defense is a tactic often used in the event of grief, such as the death of a loved one. The individual is in a state of shock from the disaster that has happened and does not believe in its reality. His brain blocks the penetration of painful information into the psyche. Reality is perceived inadequately. A person expects the situation to change for the better, discarding obvious facts. He tries to muffle the pain, despite the fact that a collision with a traumatic reality in the future is inevitable.

Regression

This psychological defense tactic is a method that involves returning a person to the behavioral pattern of a child. In this way, he tries to protect himself from shocks and problems that have arisen. Childhood is considered the most comfortable period in human life. A person’s manners under these circumstances are similar to those of a child; his goal is to get rid of responsibility and the need for an independent solution to the problem. One manifestation of this tactic is crying. The person loses confidence and becomes vulnerable to most negative stimuli. Instead of developing, he regresses, often indulges in activities that are incomparable to his professional standards.

Replacement

The individual unconsciously moves from a traumatic topic to a neutral one. In addition to displacing a negative event from consciousness, it replaces it with another, positive event. Here are 2 examples:

• a person immediately gets a pet after the death of his first pet;
• a weak person (physically or morally) compensates for his anger with an even weaker object.

Pain caused by a traumatic situation is inhibited, but does not disappear. Sometimes negative memories flash into your mind.

Projection

In an unfavorable environment, one of the psychological defense tactics is activated, typical of the projection of guilt about what happened onto another object. In those around him, he focuses attention on the shortcomings that he cannot admit to himself. Lack of self-satisfaction is transferred to others, attention is focused on their external, characteristic, behavioral shortcomings. This method helps maintain composure without losing self-confidence.

Insulation

This protective mechanism in human psychology allows him to distance himself from the situation, causing unpleasant feelings and awkwardness. Having withdrawn from the outside world, the individual withdraws into himself, creates his own reality, and muffles the suffering caused by the traumatic event.

Rationalization

A person is unable to cope with a problem or failure, which is why he looks for hidden intentions in a painful event. He purposefully transforms reality and justifies the offender. This helps relieve trauma caused by a phenomenon that does not fit into the individual’s worldview. A person looks for a rational subtext in all difficulties. For example, a man, having received a refusal from a woman, identifies negative qualities in her character, coming to the conclusion that she is not a match for him.

Sublimation

This tactic of psychological protection of the individual is based on the transformation of feelings and emotions into other areas of life. Expression of opinions and desires is carried out in a different way that is acceptable in society. A person is not limited in any way, but simply presents himself differently. Sublimation often occurs when there is a need to transform sexual desires. Unsatisfied sexual needs are sublimated in creativity and sports. This protective method does not harm the psyche. Over time, the need for its use recedes, because the person achieves what he wants. A successful solution to a problem increases self-confidence and attractiveness in the eyes of representatives of the other sex.

Discredit

If an individual is criticized by people who, in his opinion, do not deserve respect, grievances are easier to bear. This is a good self-defense method that helps you not take other people's words to heart. Discrediting an opponent helps maintain peace of mind. This tactic protects self-confidence.

Introjection

To protect and support self-esteem, a person assimilates the views and characteristic qualities of other individuals. Human:

• adapts to a reality that is dangerous for him, turning it into an acceptable one;
• absorbs behavioral standards accepted in society, which do not cause discomfort to others;
• tries not to harm anyone, puts the values ​​of others above his own.

This method of psychological protection in professional activities and personal life is dangerous due to the loss of personality and confidence.

Catharsis

The traumatic factor is weakened by changes in the value system. For a person, the suffering of others becomes closer than his own. Empathy for the grief of others helps to alleviate personal unhappiness and clear thoughts of negative emotions.

Care in illness

In the absence of the ability to cope with a difficult situation, the strength to fight it, a person becomes ill. His failures are justified by his illness. This method of psychological defense is classified among a number of pathologies. During examination, signs of neurosis are revealed in a person.

Pyramid of logical levels

A person’s character, his identity and even his mission are the result of interaction with the objective world, from where he receives information about things, people and contexts. In this interaction, a person learns different behaviors, which are then generalized into mental and behavioral strategies and abilities. These data form a system of beliefs regarding one’s own resources and capabilities, and establish a system of value preferences. Aware of oneself in relation to others, noting one’s own peculiarity and uniqueness, a person comes to identify one’s own “I” as a whole. And the final stage of forming one’s idea of ​​one’s own purpose in the links: I am the Family, I am the Society, I am the Universe leads to the realization of a person’s mission. Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) widely uses a pyramid of logical levels, which includes all levels of personality development: from environment to mission.

The law of this pyramid states: a change that occurs at a lower logical level almost never affects higher logical levels; and a change occurring at a higher logical level almost always causes a whole complex of changes at lower ones. The peculiarity of manipulation, in contrast to other types of psychological influence, is that the Manipulator tries to influence the personality of the Victim at the highest possible logical levels. Interactions at the level of environment and behavior are noticeable, but starting from the level of ability, it is no longer possible to directly observe the impact. The greatest impact occurs at the mission level. This is the basis for methods of influencing suicide bombers, kamikazes, etc. In this case, Manipulators control the behavior of Victims, declaring them “saviors” of the people, the country, fighters “for the idea,” “for the faith.” Well, and accordingly, promising them purification, paradise, eternal bliss, salvation... How can you determine the logical levels, for example, in a text? “Apple and pear trees were blooming, fog floated over the river”, “Not even a rustle was heard in the garden, everything here stood still until the morning”, “There was a crowd of people at the doors of the establishment”, “Street. Flashlight. Pharmacy." - this is the environment, the context.

“Katyusha went ashore”, “I’ll walk along Apricotova, turn onto Vinogradnaya”, “You can walk like a neglected garden, or you can shave everything off”, “Suddenly a bowlegged and lame man runs out of my mother’s bedroom...” -
this is behavior.
“The possible is sometimes impossible - what is easy for one is difficult for another”, “She knew how to fly at night”, “And I forget about everything in the world with you”, “I will part the clouds with my hands” -
these are abilities.
“We promised ourselves not to stray from the straight path”, “So that your beloved does not have to cry, hold on to the steering wheel tighter - driver!”, “Real men play hockey, a coward does not play hockey”, “And you are as cold as an iceberg in ocean"
are beliefs.
“If only I lived in my native country and had no other worries,” “I don’t like it when people get into my soul, especially when they spit on it,” “I cleanse myself under Lenin,” “War is a matter for the young, a medicine against wrinkles”
is values ​​(values ​​are not always positive from the point of view of moral standards).
“It’s just that I work as a magician,” “Who am I, a simple Soviet guy, a simple Soviet man,” “A man is a whistle,” “A woman who sings” is
identification.

How to influence psychologically?

The male psyche is fundamentally different from the female, so the effectiveness of individual methods directly depends on the gender of the target.

For a man

For men, their achievements and successes are of great importance. A woman's recognition of a man's merits and his authority is the best way to effectively influence.

It is enough to make it clear to your partner that there is a task that only a man like him can solve . Wanting to justify the trust of his other half, a man will definitely do what is required of him.

Constant encouragement also helps a man develop useful skills . Any positive action should cause a wave of approval from your partner. This will encourage the man to increasingly do what is expected of him.

For the previous techniques to work, it is important to initially set the man up in a positive way.

He will listen to the opinion of the woman who gives him warmth, affection and care .

Therefore, an important element of impact is paying attention to the needs of your loved one. In this case, the woman becomes a source of positive emotions, and the value of her opinion increases significantly.

Character. Context. Strategies.

Well, now is the time to consider the problem of character relationships. What type of temperament and character is more characteristic of the Manipulator, and which of the Victim? There is no clear answer to this question. It all depends, first of all, on the circumstances in which the manipulation occurs. In some cases, manipulation appears when the attacking side has not yet (or has already) been able to openly defeat/subdue the opponent, and there is no way to completely suppress it. In other cases, manipulation is protection from the direct influence of a stronger one (physically, socially, professionally, will, spirit, etc.). For example, a minor accident occurred on a quiet street with few cars. A frail, intelligent-looking man gets out of the car (let’s say it’s a Zhiguli), the culprit of the incident, throws up his hands in embarrassment and smiles guiltily. An angry, strongly built big man jumps out of a foreign car towards him and, having examined the dent on his bumper, says the standard “Well, you got it!” Then, with soulful convincing, he asks the culprit to show the documents for the car, license, passport, after which he puts the documents in his pocket and demands a thousand dollars to buy a new bumper. “But I don’t have that kind of money!” “Then I leave the documents with me - as collateral. You have a maximum of two days...” There is open psychological pressure (with elements of manipulation), supported partly by situational and partly physical advantages. The aggressor’s task is to get his winnings (money), but not to go beyond certain social norms (sink into outright crime). The Victim’s task is to reduce his loss to a minimum (realistic assessment of the cost of damage), and even better - to get a win (return documents that are in the possession of no one knows who knows whether he will ever be able to get them back, and leave, preferably in English), if possible avoiding a collision with the aggressor. What should the Victim (the owner of the Zhiguli) do? Arguments about waiting for the traffic cops peremptorily about, “don’t piss me off,” etc.). It’s good if the Victim has a black belt in karate (which will give confidence in the successful outcome of an open confrontation), but, most likely, there is only a black belt on his trousers. Or, for example, the Victim will calmly take another document out of his pocket and, with the words: “Sorry, I forgot to show you this too...” will open the “paper” of a police officer/FSB/tax police officer or something like that. In this case, the Victim is protected by his status. But the problem is that not everyone has such “crusts”... Well, there are other options. Since the Victim was unable to achieve the minimum loss (it was not possible to call the traffic cops), not to mention winning, and for some reason the police car did not accidentally pass by, a “brilliant” insight comes to the Victim. And then the manipulation strategy begins. To begin with, the Victim “remembers” that an acquaintance lives nearby from whom he can borrow money and offers to go to him right now. (Of course, it would be nice if a friend had either that same black belt in karate or a red “crust”, but, most likely, the friend does not have any of this, just as the friend himself does not...) After some hesitation the aggressor agrees. For some reason, the path to a friend runs past a traffic police post. And so, before reaching him, the Victim suddenly brakes sharply in front of the aggressor driving behind him... Now the rear bumper is dented on the Zhiguli. There are traffic cops nearby. The situation changes in favor of the Victim... It should be noted that a Passive manipulator (one who emphasizes his weakness and inability to manage the situation/partner) often turns out to be more effective than an active one.

Types of psychological influence and counteraction

As we have already said, manipulation is, first of all, hidden ways to control others. However, very often any psychological influence is declared manipulation. You can be convinced that this is not the case by considering the list of different types of psychological influence (Psychology of influence - St. Petersburg, 2000):

1. Belief. Conscious, reasoned influence on another person or group of people, with the goal of changing judgment, attitudes, intentions or decisions.
2. Self-promotion. Declaring your goals and presenting evidence of your competence and qualifications in order to be appreciated and thereby gain advantages in situations of selection by others, appointment to a position, etc.
3. Suggestion. Conscious unreasoned influence on a person or group of people, aimed at changing their state, attitude towards something and predisposition to certain actions.
4. Infection. The transfer of one’s state or attitude to another person or group of people who in some way (not yet explained) adopt this state or attitude. This condition can be transmitted either involuntarily or voluntarily; to be absorbed - also involuntarily or voluntarily.
5. Awakening the impulse to imitate. The ability to evoke the desire to be like oneself. This ability can either manifest itself involuntarily or be used voluntarily. The desire to imitate and imitate (copying someone else's behavior and way of thinking) can also be voluntary or involuntary.
6. Building favor. Attracting the involuntary attention of the addressee by the initiator demonstrating his own originality and attractiveness, expressing favorable judgments about the addressee, imitating him or providing him with a service.
7. Request. An appeal to the addressee to satisfy the needs or desires of the initiator of the influence.
8. Compulsion. The threat of the initiator using his control capabilities in order to achieve the required behavior from the addressee. Controlling capabilities are the powers to deprive the recipient of any benefits or to change the conditions of his life and work. The most severe forms of coercion may involve threats of physical harm. Subjectively, coercion is experienced as pressure: by the initiator - as his own pressure, by the addressee - as pressure from the initiator or “circumstances”.
9. Destructive criticism. Expressing disparaging or offensive judgments about a person’s personality and/or grossly aggressive condemnation, slander or ridicule of his deeds and actions. The destructiveness of such criticism is that it does not allow a person to “save face”, diverts his energy to fight the negative emotions that have arisen, and takes away his faith in himself.
10. Manipulation. Hidden motivation of the addressee to experience certain states, make decisions and / or perform actions necessary for the initiator to achieve his own goals.

Almost everyone who wants to influence others does this not because insight came to him, the absolute truth was revealed, and he felt worthy to decide for others, but because he pursues or defends his interests. Take, for example, the scheme used in religious sects. The main element is the next newly-minted messiah who has received “revelations”, i.e. more competent in the spiritual field than others, knowing the “path to salvation.” There is a support group that infects victims with “their example”... There are many known cases of taking over not only the souls and bodies, but also the property of sectarians. Impact on a spiritual level is perhaps one of the most powerful types of psychological influence, in which manipulation plays a major role. (We will consider the features of manipulation based on appealing to a person’s spirituality or religiosity in more detail in one of the upcoming issues of our column.) However, for every sage there is enough simplicity, or better yet: for every sage there is enough cunning, so it is worth considering the types of resistance to psychological influence:

1. Counterargumentation.

   A conscious, reasoned response to an attempt to persuade, refuting or challenging the arguments of the initiator of influence.

2. Constructive criticism.

   A fact-supported discussion of the goals, means or actions of the initiator of influence and justification for their inconsistency with the goals, conditions and requirements of the addressee.

3. Energy mobilization.

   Resistance of the addressee to attempts to instill or convey to him a certain state, attitude, intention or course of action

4. Creation.

   Creation of a new thing, neglecting or overcoming the influence of a model, example or fashion.

5. Evasion.

   The desire to avoid any form of interaction with the initiator of the influence, including random personal meetings and collisions.

6. Psychological self-defense.

   The use of speech formulas and intonation means to maintain presence of mind and gain time to think about further steps in a situation of destructive criticism, manipulation or coercion.

7. Ignoring.

   Actions that indicate that the addressee deliberately does not notice or does not take into account the words, actions or feelings expressed by the addressee.

8. Confrontation.

   Open and consistent opposition by the addressee of his position and his demands to the initiator of influence.

9. Refusal.

   Expression by the addressee of his disagreement to fulfill the request of the initiator of the influence.

Distinguish between what is worth fighting for and what is not.

Some moments are not worth spending energy on. If it's a fleeting situation where a random passerby is rude to you simply because he had a bad day, it's easier to let it go than to prove him wrong. But when we are talking about a loved one, colleague or relative with whom you will have to interact more than once, you should immediately explain your position to him in order to eliminate further conflicts.

Being able to stand up for yourself does not mean arguing with everyone about every issue. Learn to find a healthy balance between setting boundaries and not reacting to minor irritants.