- September 5, 2019
- Psychology of Personality
- Marusya the Cat
There are people who, under no circumstances, agree with the opinion of another person. In their hearts they share his point of view, but fundamentally defend the opposite position. They say about such individuals: “You contradict yourself.” Experienced specialists tried to figure out what is right and wrong in this behavior.
The meaning of the statement
There is a category of people with whom it is very difficult to communicate. This is not just irresponsibility or indiscipline, not a lack of purposefulness and not an indifferent attitude towards the entire world around us. We are talking about people whose character contains many positive qualities. But they are never, under any circumstances, inclined to agree with their interlocutor and search for compromises. They themselves do not even understand what it means to “contradict oneself,” since they are aimed exclusively at confrontation with their opponent. In their hearts, they completely agree with the interlocutor, but they find different reasons for themselves to express their personal opinion in a conversation (which must necessarily differ from the generally accepted one).
Differences between a comfortable and a beloved woman
Many women would like to give up the convenience of childbirth. To do this, you should force your loved ones to show respect for themselves and take personal interests into account. Living with the woman you love is always more pleasant. A worthy girl always has dreams, desires and needs. Love is always felt by those around you, the beloved woman is always happy. She doesn't need to focus on the interests and needs of others.
Men love well-groomed and developing women. You can talk to them, go out into any society. If a man maintains a relationship only for the sake of convenience, sooner or later everything can slide into humiliation and nagging. Comfortable women often feel lonely in a crowd.
Self-expression
These contradictions often arise as a result of improper upbringing or unfortunate circumstances. The reasons are as follows:
- The child was greatly spoiled as a child. A growing person is used to constantly agreeing with him and fulfilling all his demands. When he grew up, other people's opinions seemed absurd to him, because only he has the right to the correct point of view.
- Excessive parental pressure. When a person contradicts himself, it makes sense to remember his difficult childhood. Most likely, parental authority and excessive demands did not allow him to express his opinion out loud. The child constantly felt resentment and was internally indignant. Having become an adult, he habitually disagrees with everything that is told to him (even if deep down he supports this position).
- Circumstances. This point also goes back to childhood, since it is there that the foundations of a person’s future character are formed. For some reason, the child was unable to adapt to society (moving to a new place of residence, frequently changing schools), and he developed a strong belief. It lies in the fact that someone else's opinion cannot be 100% correct.
Behavioral factors in psychology
Learning to determine a person’s motives, mood and feelings using knowledge of nonverbal communication is not so difficult. It is worth noting that most of the information about a person is learned as a result of observing his body movements.
Only 30% can often be learned about the interlocutor as a result of a normal dialogue with him.
During the dialogue, the interlocutors unconsciously evaluate each other, highlighting small details and distinctive features in behavior. As a result, everyone develops a negative or positive attitude towards the other interlocutor.
Analysis of human behavior occurs in the following areas:
Appearance
Appearance can say a lot about a person:
- If a person tries to look as impressive as possible, devoting most of his time to his appearance. Trying to look like he just stepped off the red carpet. This means the fact that he is trying to hide his complexes behind clothes. It can also mean pedantry and meticulousness.
- A flashy and slightly sloppy style of clothing can indicate a person's creative abilities. However, an excessively unkempt feature in clothing does not only mean the artistry of a person. But also about the habit of sloppiness.
- Often self-absorbed people who think only about their problems. And they don’t pay attention to their clothing style.
- Calm and balanced individuals prefer to choose clothes in neutral, calm shades. Bright shades confirm the emotionality of a person.
Behavior
A person’s attitude towards others speaks of his restraint and manner of keeping his distance. By paying attention to the factors of behavior, one can predict its possible actions and actions. Often, at the beginning of communication, people try to keep their distance, showing their best qualities.
In the case of mutual sympathy, rapprochement occurs after some time. If there are no changes in communication, we can say for sure that both interlocutors or one of them are not happy about communication.
In psychology, the following manners are noted:
Regular violations of personal space.
Patting on the shoulder, holding hands, looking into the eyes - this speaks of a person’s harsh and unceremonious character. Often such people try to become leaders and dictate their own rules in the company of friends, colleagues, etc.
Intrusiveness.
This character trait can be determined by the reduced distance during the dialogue. These people also become fixated on personal or controversial topics.
Shyness and uncertainty.
Shy and insecure personality traits are characterized by a desire to keep a distance from interlocutors. Also, these people do not like violation of personal space by touching; they avoid eye contact and try to avoid personal topics.
The clothes of these people are often closed, and their hands are in their pockets, which confirms the desire to close themselves off from others.
Free gait and often sloppy appearance.
This speaks of a carefree and undisciplined personality. These people want to live freely and do not want to follow general rules.
Blush on the face or severe redness, intermittent voice.
All this indicates that a person feels insecure and uncomfortable in a particular environment. He may also regularly try to sit more comfortably, which indicates that he has anxiety.
Bragging about your achievements.
The desire to show off your talents and abilities speaks of a person’s pride and inflated self-esteem. If a person tries to be like an actor on an acting set and attract as many glances as possible. This confirms the presence of a lack of attention. Often these features are inherent in artistic and creative people.
Cold and unemotional behavior.
These characteristics indicate a person’s prudence and calmness. Often such people are reserved and do not like to attract attention to themselves. This behavior applies to potential businessmen and politicians.
Irritability.
Its presence in the character speaks of a person’s psychological constraints that prevent him from normal contact with the outside world. These people cannot sit still, they need to constantly occupy their hands, twirl a pen, a piece of paper, etc.
Also, individuals with this character are characterized by sharp and meaningless body movements.
Gentleness and non-conflict.
This characteristic can be seen in the smooth and carefree movements of a person. These people do not like quarrels and know how to control themselves in any situation.
Hand language
Handshaking is more common among the male population. A greeting gesture can show sympathy or lack thereof between interlocutors:
1. An energetic and bright handshake speaks of a person’s feeling of joy upon meeting.
2. An outstretched arm with the palm up shows a desire to communicate.
3. A handshake with the palm down indicates secrecy. A strongly bent elbow is hypocrisy and ruthlessness.
4. Pressing the palm down while shaking shows suppressive behavior, a show of power.
5. Limp handshake - lack of initiative, uncertainty, passivity.
6. The general awkwardness of the greeting characterizes shyness.
What does the position of the interlocutor’s hands say during the dialogue:
- Crossed on the chest - reluctance to communicate.
- Hands behind your back indicate a difficult situation.
- Clenched hands into a fist are explained by the desire to assert oneself and prove strong character traits.
- Touching your hands to your face is a person’s desire to hide true emotions and feelings.
- Rubbing the bridge of the nose and pointing the head slightly downwards indicates that the person is interested.
- If a person tries to straighten his clothes, wipe his glasses, etc. He needs time to think and analyze the situation.
- Clicking a pen and tapping your fingers on the table speaks of a person’s thoughtfulness and self-absorption. It may also mean that the person is bored and uninterested.
Speech intonation
Often, an opinion about an interlocutor is formed not from what words he said, but how he said them. Intonation plays an important role in assessing a person’s character. Intonation can indicate increased emotionality, uncertainty, anger, etc.
- For example, balanced and reasonable people use calm and medium-volume speech. Emotional and unstable people turn their volume up and down. Their speech also becomes faster and overly emotional.
— If a person uses short phrases and pauses between words. It’s his desire to hide his true feelings and think over every phrase.
— Quiet and calm speech indicates the interlocutor’s lack of interest in dialogue and obsessing over his problems.
Personal ambitions
The concept of “contradicting yourself” is also common to people with excessive ambitions. They can never admit that another person is right, because they consider themselves the smartest and most successful. The awareness that this idea came not to him, but to his interlocutor, detracts from the essence and significance of this point of view. People with high self-esteem demonstrate through their behavior (arrogant glances, impatient gestures) that they ignore the opinions of their interlocutor. A person will remain with his ambitions and views, even if he hears irrefutable arguments.
Display of aggression
Very often, one’s own contradictions are the cause of hidden aggression. A priori, a person will not agree with the arguments of his interlocutor, because he feels a feeling of hatred towards him. He cannot say this directly and in his heart agrees with his arguments, but categorically does not want to realize it. This refers to a wife who is trying to understand the question of how to understand whether she is contradicting herself or not. She is offended by her husband for returning home late, but cannot openly express her indignation (she is afraid that she may lose him). She refuses an offer to spend the weekend with mutual friends. The woman herself has dreamed about this weekend for a long time, but denies herself pleasure for the sake of hidden revenge.
Why women become comfortable
Comfortable women are very afraid of burdening or disturbing others. They prefer to endure illnesses on their feet, do not notice their husband’s betrayals, help adult children, sacrifice themselves for the sake of society and loved ones. Such women are preferred by gigolos, tyrants, and insecure men who do this for the purpose of self-affirmation.
A comfortable woman can be easily recognized in the following situations:
- The mother spends a lot of money on the child, clothes, entertainment and education, while denying herself everything. She often has no money left for clothes, jewelry, and other luxury items.
- The daughter lives away from her parents for a long time, but regularly sacrifices her weekends for trips to the country. She doesn't like working in the garden, but she obeys her parents because she is afraid to refuse them.
- The woman adheres to the rules of strict economy, while her husband does not deny himself anything and goes on vacation with friends.
- A comfortable woman can regularly perform her duties around the house, clean, and cook. But a piece of paper accidentally thrown by a husband can cause a flurry of emotions and scandals, since the tidy was intended primarily for a man.
- Some girls may agree to go fishing or to an exhibition against their own will, but will show maximum displeasure with the current situation.
- Comfortable women behave in a similar way when it comes to sex. She does not express her preferences, does not complain about anything, which sooner or later leads to the fact that her husband begins to look for passion elsewhere.
Comfortable women are popular among their circles. They always come to the rescue, can cheer you up, and constantly postpone their own plans. The term “convenient” includes not only comfort for loved ones, but also forgotten personal ambitions and needs.
Hiding your feelings
Very often a situation arises when a person is afraid to demonstrate his true feelings and tries in every possible way to maintain an “invisible defense” in front of his chosen one. He understands that the expression “you contradict yourself” is his true state, since he would gladly agree with his companion on many issues. But a person is afraid to dissolve in the desires of another, to lose his own boundaries, so he tries to demonstrate his independence.
Advice from psychologists
It is extremely difficult to communicate with such people, but, unfortunately, there are quite a lot of them. Therefore, there are several rules for correct behavior in dialogue with such an interlocutor. Psychologists advise:
- Don’t immediately get nervous and tell the person: “You’re contradicting yourself.” You need to listen and understand what his words awaken in your soul. You should express your thoughts in two stages. First say: “I was puzzled by your opinion”, after a while say: “This is what I think about this.”
- It is worth trying to find those arguments in your interlocutor’s conversation with which you can agree. If the situation is not dangerous or important, you can continue the conversation on his terms.
- Be the first to start a conversation by suggesting a topic. The dialogue should be conducted in the form of a narrative so that the interlocutor cannot retort. You must be able to separate logical information and your emotional impulses.
When communicating with a person of this nature, you should remember self-control. Since it is impossible for him to prove anything, this should not be done. Just tolerate his presence for a while if there is an urgent need for it.
What to pay attention to
When communicating with a person, you should pay attention to the following factors:
Determine the norm
Each person has individual behavior patterns.
For example, during a conversation, people may scratch their throats, look at the floor or ceiling, cross their arms, look away, constantly move their feet, etc.
Such movements are in no way noticeable. And the interlocutor focuses more on the conversation than on observation.
However, a non-standard behavior pattern suggests that the person is hiding something. For each person, it is necessary to create a mental profile, placing in it the standard behavior of a person. It includes all those habits that are inherent in him during the conversation.
Recording deviations
The next step is a change in human behavior. That mental profile shape must be precisely studied. Behavioral factors may change in subsequent days.
For example. The interlocutor always began the dialogue after scratching his throat. Today, however, when discussing an important topic, he scratches his throat much more often. You should pay attention to this and try to ask more questions to obtain the most accurate information.
Defining a Gesture Group
Gestures during a conversation do not always mean that a person is nervous or lying. Perhaps this is a random body movement that is caused by an uncomfortable chair on which the person is sitting.
However, the interlocutor may begin to perform a whole bunch of gestures. Which will confirm his restless state.
For example. The person not only scratches his throat, but also switches to light scratching of his head, shaking his leg, etc. At this moment, you need to be wary.
Mirror reflection
The human brain has certain mirror neurons that involuntarily force you to copy the state of your interlocutor. Already from the beginning of the meeting, reading a person’s body movements and facial expressions begins.
For example. A smile on the face of one interlocutor provokes it in the other. A gloomy expression on a person's face will also make someone else frown.
If a person feels sympathy for the interlocutor, his eyebrows rise, his facial muscles relax, his head bows, and blood rushes to his lips. A person's face, in general, becomes kinder.
Finding a Strong Voice
You can determine the presence of strength and power in a person using your voice. All high-ranking people have strong and confident voices. This should not be confused with the volume of the voice, which often, on the contrary, shows a person’s weakness.
The leader in a company is not always the one appointed by him. Perhaps this is a formality. The main task is to find a strong voice and concentrate on its owner.
Movements
Most insecure and shy people are characterized by jerky and fussy movements, a stooped posture and a lowered head.
Choice of words
Determining a person’s character is not so difficult if you listen to what words he chooses during a conversation. This makes it possible to obtain information about a person that even he does not have.
For example, if you parse 3 phrases from three different people: “I get paid $500,” or “I earn $500,” or “My salary is $500.”
The first person clearly does not want to achieve any goals, leads a passive lifestyle and shifts all responsibility to others.
The second leads an active lifestyle and strives for more income.
The third does not like to take initiative and tries to live by clear rules.
Drawing up a mental portrait of a person makes it possible to find out his character, thoughts and mood. In the future, this can help determine the presence of lies in his words, uncertainty, fear, etc.
It is important to pay attention to the smallest and systematic body movements that the interlocutor makes during the conversation.
