How to want to want?
Your standard of living is determined by the NORM. These are certain meanings for each situation that are encoded in our psyche. It is they who, when assessing our current reality, say: “Calm down, everything is fine.” They create a comfort zone for you. You are calm and absolutely not motivated to do anything. Well, it’s normal to eat flour before bed. It's okay to watch a couple of episodes of your favorite TV series instead of working. It’s normal to dress like that, wear your hair like that. It's normal to earn so much. Others earn even less.
And we are comfortable. Yes, of course, we want to be better. Somewhere there, in the depths of your soul, very deep. And here, nearby, an inner voice tells us: “Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is as you are used to." And some drift like this for years, and some for their entire lives. We compare ourselves with our surroundings and, if we are no worse than them, then we are very happy for ourselves. And if it’s a little better, then we’re generally proud. But somewhere there, even in the depths of our souls, a voice periodically tries to reach us and says: “You deserve more. Go further. Your life could be so much better." But where is it? Everyday life brings us down to earth again.
But if you're lucky, you end up in a context where all your normal values go to hell. This is when you find yourself in a situation where people think by completely different criteria. And here it’s as if something hits us on the head. BAM! We find ourselves in a completely different reality, in which there are completely different laws. A completely different level. And this level is considered the norm here. But most importantly, we are fascinated by this reality. And we can no longer live as before. Now our previous reality will seem like torture to us.
I remember moving to a new gym. Before that, I worked out in the student gym. It was close to home, and everything suited me. In 4 years I made good progress and was pleased with myself. Compared to the visitors to the hall, I won significantly. But at one point the hall closed and I had to look for another one. A friend recommended a new reputable gym, which I went to. When I walked into it for the first training session, I was in complete shock. I, who was so proud of myself, was simply lost against the background of those present. I saw a completely different form, quality of workmanship, symmetry and aesthetics. It must have been funny to look at me from the outside at that moment. I didn't believe that this was possible. And in such a concentration per square meter. Where are all these people hiding in life? Walking around the city, we don't see them all. We meet only thin students with thin legs and pot-bellied men and women. This is our reality.
And then you realize that the reality is different. And your standards are so naive that you want to hide them far away. And never get it again. It is at that moment that we take a step forward. We are no longer satisfied with the current reality. And motivation appears. And we begin to act. And our life is being brought to a new level. And then it becomes the norm for us. Until the next time, until our picture of reality expands again.
Another striking incident happened to me when I was dealing with a company. It completely changed my view of business. After all, any company consists of employees who waste their time and try to go home at the first opportunity. This is the bosses who are trying to keep these subordinates under a tight rein. This is intrigue, gossip and a bunch of everything that is attributes of any organization. At least, that’s how it was written in my picture of the world before.
But this company did not correspond to my ideas at all. She was from some other planet. The first thing that struck me was the responsibility of each employee. He doesn't try to go home early. Doesn't play kerchief when no one is looking. He does his job with enthusiasm. Moreover, he can easily, on his own initiative, work on weekends if he considers it necessary. He invests money himself to improve his level. I saw the eyes of every employee light up. For them, work is a thrill. But I was even more amazed by their human qualities. This depth, decency, intelligence and internal energy. I wanted to be in the company of each of them as long as possible. When I found out what the job requirements were, my picture of the world was torn to pieces.
For example, an ordinary designer must have several dozen competencies that go far beyond design skills. This includes communication, management, conflict resolution, and certain human qualities. Usually it is enough to take some courses, master a couple of programs and draw well, but not here. There was a completely different standard of quality here. When I saw the parking lot of this company, I understood why there are such requirements. It looked like a high-end car dealership. And these were not the bosses' cars. These were employees' cars.
But what struck me most was the conversation with the head of this company. For him, business is his life. His life is at the highest level. And all the employees are a big family. He enjoys every action. For him there is no concept of “impossible”. What was the ultimate dream for me was the norm for him. This conversation forever changed my idea of the business I want to have. As in the old joke, I asked myself the question again and again: “Was it possible?” I thought this couldn't happen. But for some it is everyday life.
And today I clearly understand what determines our standard of living. This is our meaning of the norm. As long as everything is normal, we are calm and satisfied. When it's lower, we step up and correct the situation. But everyone has their own norm. What is it like for you in each of the important contexts?
And the most important question: “How to change this norm?” For myself and my clients, I have developed a number of techniques that help change mental settings. But these techniques are quite complex, so I won’t write about them here. There are ways available to everyone.
First, find people who have the standards you want to have. And by all means try to spend as much time as possible in their company. Even if you can't reach them in person, use videos, books and any other opportunities. Until you get used to the new norms. I assure you, after this you will not return back.
Secondly, reconsider your surroundings. I mean people, things, places you go and so on. If you look closely, each thing will tell you about your norm. Want a direct example? How much do your everyday supplies cost: toilet paper, socks, hand cream? What do you eat? What films do you watch and what books do you read? Where do you vacation? What do you look like, after all? This all reflects your standards.
Find a way to find yourself in an environment whose standards will be an order of magnitude higher. An environment that will attract you. And stay in it for so long until it becomes habitual. Let there be confirmation before your eyes that this is not just possible - it’s normal.
And when you notice that your previous norms make you feel rejected, you can congratulate yourself. And then find a way to take it up another notch. And you will definitely like the person you become as you move along these steps J
I would be glad if I shook you up and made you think.
See you.
The reason for overeating is STRESS
- If a person is constantly irritated, experiences physical tension and persistent fatigue, a feeling of lack of time.
- If you experience rapid heartbeat and shortness of breath.
- If food is swallowed without giving pleasure, and haunted by the thought that it is time to eat like a human being, then, most likely, the true cause of hunger is STRESS.
When experiencing stress, a person usually craves sweet and fatty foods: cake, bread and butter, chocolate, fried potatoes. This result is caused by the action of the “stress hormone” - cortisol, which increases the level of insulin in a person’s blood. In this state, the body unconsciously strives to absorb refined carbohydrates. But the sugars and starchy foods that contain them create a feeling of comfort for a very short time. Before a person has time to look back, he is again nervous and hungry. Foods rich in B vitamins and complex carbohydrates will help stabilize insulin levels in stressful situations. Read how to cope with stress in other simple ways on the website in the “Psychology” section.
The reason for overeating is DEPRESSION
- If trying to make a simple decision causes real panic.
- If you have lost interest in previously favorite activities and feel acute loneliness.
- If you experience sleep disorders, be it insomnia or persistent drowsiness.
- If you are looking for comfort in food, then, most likely, your hunger is causing SADDNESS, and perhaps even DEPRESSION.
At such moments, you crave something sweet. Chocolate, candy, cakes, cookies, muffins, donuts, ice cream with syrup, jam - the body requires glucose. In fact, all of these foods contain huge amounts of simple carbohydrates. They stimulate the production of serotonin and endorphin, also called the “happiness hormone.”
Lots of advice, but no results
“There must be many good people.” A great expression to cheer yourself up and get rid of the guilt of constantly snacking. But this does not add ease of movement and joy of life. How to stop eating?
People often give strange advice to this question: don’t eat. They throw at you all sorts of ways to lose weight, force you to exercise, eat healthy, eat small plates, deceive your stomach with water and other tricks.
Diets and advice don't work. Why?
The reason for appetite is BOREDOM
- If a person wants to chew something, but at the same time understands that he is not hungry.
- If you remember exactly what he ate at lunch yesterday, it’s not immediately clear.
- If it seems that reality is being sucked into a bottomless quagmire.
- If it is difficult to concentrate on something, then most likely the real cause of hunger is banal BOREDOM.
A bored person craves foods that stimulate the appetite and give them energy. These are quickly digestible carbohydrates. Spicy, salty and any sharp-tasting food causes profuse salivation. It simulates brain activity, which, unfortunately, is short-term.
The reason for overeating is FATIGUE
- If you feel that you would do gymnastics with great joy, but you don’t have the strength to just move.
- If you have drunk more than four to five cups of strong coffee during the day, but still do not feel energetic.
- If you find yourself feeling out of control and out of clarity in your thoughts.
- If you feel disgusted even at the thought of eating after waking up, but would give anything in the world to sleep for another half hour, then it seems that the unconscious desire to snack during the day is caused by FATIGUE.
A tired brain requires coffee and cola, cheese and hamburger, grilled chicken and salad with mayonnaise, and an even larger portion of rich, sweet ice cream. It's all because of galanin - this substance is produced by the hypothalamus. The more tired a person is, the more he craves fat. When you consume fat, galanin begins to be actively produced, which in turn stimulates the desire to eat something fatty. This is why many people can quite easily limit themselves in food during the working day and experience an irresistible need to eat before going to bed. If you do not give your body the opportunity to rest and recover, then you risk becoming a hostage to chronic fatigue syndrome and will have to cope with it in other ways.
